Sometimes being a parent is pure pleasure.
Holding a newborn baby and marveling at the life in your hand; the picture of the love between you and your spouse.
Watching your toddler discover the world; to learn to take those first wobbly steps.
Seeing your child master a skill; to ride a bike; to play the piano; to knock a baseball clear out of the park.
Or witnessing them develop good character; raking leaves for the neighborhood widow; returning to a store after they discover they were given too much change.
Such discoveries make a mother’s heart proud.
But other times, being a parent is pure pain.
Those times when you watch your child make a wrong move; choose a wrong path or hold a wrong view.
How much easier it is when they are young and you can simply make them “do the right thing”.
How painful it is when they are older, to let them begin to make their own mistakes and then, learn the painful lessons that those choices often bring.
A friend just asked me last week what is the best parenting advice I’d been given. I answered,
“To pray that God will allow your kids to experience whatever they need to (mistakes and all) in order to become totally and completely sold out and living for Him. And that they will know that we love them unconditionally no matter what. Frightening prayer. We moms would rather control, shelter, make decision for our kids. And there is a place for that sometime when they are young.
Todd and my greatest fear as parents has not been having a wild child, but having one who is playing “good church/homeschool kid” and obedient on the outside, but who does not have a real relationship with Christ and later, chucks all things Christian as a young adult (seen it happen DOZENS of times)!!
I’d rather have one who is honest, wrestles with real faith and then, in God’s perfect timing, makes it their own. Of course we train them in the ways of the Lord. We let them experience His work in our lives. We take every opportunity to point them to God. But we remember that how we finish is more important than how we start. But we moms are fearful and freak out because we equate a “perfect-yes-ma’am-no-sir-docile-outwardly-obedient-envy-of-the-moms-at-church” child with success as a parent.
One who is a pistol means we are a “bad mom”; However…..fast forward many years. Sometimes (of course not always) the “perfect” ones are living life on the wild and sinful side and the “pistols”? Well..they are totally sold out to Jesus.
Don’t try to shove your child in the perfect box. They don’t always fit. And some kick the box open and run for the unholy hills.
Oh yes….along with this prayer…ask for patience too!!! 
”
Yes, sometimes parenting is painful. But seeing a child make a wrong choice and then, when confronted, exhibit honest remorse, a real change in behaviour and a renewed committment to Christ…..well…..in a strange way, that can be a pure pleasure too.
Hang in there moms. Parenting is always a mixture of pain and pleasure.
Now, congratulations to the following two winners of last week’s give-away with Jonni McCoy. Email me your home address by clicking on the “contact Karen” button. Jonni will get your copy of Miserly Moms out in the mail right away! The two winners are:
Paula; Timestamp: September 1, 2009 at 10:53 pm
and
Ang; Timestamp: September 2, 2009 at 10:56 am
Sweet Blessings,
Good stuff, Karen…so true, I’m in the place where I’m trying to figure out what I still need to ‘control’ and what I need to let them make the decisions for…but that’s been my prayer, they’ll learn from everything and grow closer to Him…mistakes and all…and I’m finding in the process that I”m learning that too!
Thanks for your insights! 
I needed to read this today. Thanks, Karen.
Amen. Having taught 100s of “good” Christian kids it was painful, as a teacher, when they didn’t choose Christ but chose the world. Hang in there and keep praying.
Hi Karen…I am dealing with this right now. My husband, bless him, tries really hard to get a yes Mama or Papa from them…and gets really upset when they don’t do as asked. I of course am some where in the grey…but at the same time wanting to support him. I will keep praying.
Karen,
I LOVE this post. I especially appreciated what you said about letting them make the wrong choice and then watching them learn a hard lesson and making the right choice the next time. Such a richer lesson, one that will last, than always making the good choice. Hard to watch as a parent but brings such great blessings on the other side.
We are SO enjoying Kenzie. Thanks for sharing her with us.
me
Oh Karen, I was one of those moms who prayed the prayed you mentioned. “Lord, if they are going to struggle, please have them struggle at home where we can walk them through it.” Wow…did I know what I was praying? It is beyond hard, but I do know that MY God is faithful. He wrote my story with Him and He is more than capable of writing my child’s too.
Love you, friend!
Lynn
There was never a stage of my children’s lives that I didn’t enjoy immensely, but no one prepared me for how difficult it can be to be a parent of an adult child. They can actually make their own irresponsible decisions and not get sent to their rooms. Many times they struggle with their faith as they try to determine if their parents faith is just as real to them as it is to their parents.
We’ve worked with the college & career age group for years…it is called the black hole of the church. It’s title is well deserved and in much need of attention because statistics tell us that between 80 to 88 percent of churched children become unchurched 20 somethings.
I love your advice about how we should pray for our children. My prayer for my sons has continually been, “Lord, don’t let them go down any path that will not ultimately lead to You. Capture their hearts and do what is necessary in their lives to make them men of God.”
If we find ourselves in a season where we have adult children, then we most likely have aging parents, as well. Just yesterday, I tweeted this…”Much prayer goes into aging parents and adult children. New seasons of life tend to change our prayer-lives.”
Just yesterday, I tweeted… “Much prayer goes into aging parents and adult children. New seasons of life tend to change our prayerlives.”
Thanks for the timely encouragement.
Stephanie, thank you for your very timely prayer. My 26 y.o. son is heading down a road that I don’t understand — leaving behind a wife and daughter. My heart breaks for all of us.
And he was always the spirit-filled child. Even changed colleges three weeks before he was to leave home so that he could go to a Bible college.
It doesn’t seem to get easier as they grow older. Silly me, I thought it would.
Hi Jen,
Just wanted to send a note to let you know today I am praying for your family. May God bring your son to brokenness and return him to Himself…and may God make a miracle out of his marriage.
I am one of those 20 somethings that veered away after a difficult situation, and am beginning to trust God again. My life is so different now. Ironically I was just telling myself, I wish I would’ve made all my mistakes while living with my parents rather than when I was own my own. It’s so much more difficult learning this way and so many more consequenses. I’m not sure if my mom prayed those prayers for me, but I do know she wishes that I would’ve made my mistakes while under her wing. So I applaud you for praying for your children this way, and to pray this over them too so they can hear and know your desires for them.