Comments on: Frenemies (and a Friendship Give Away) http://karenehman.com/home/2009/10/14/frenemies-and-a-friendship-give-away/ Wed, 08 Feb 2012 02:58:26 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.1 By: Craig Alan http://karenehman.com/home/2009/10/14/frenemies-and-a-friendship-give-away/comment-page-1/#comment-18473 Craig Alan Mon, 15 Feb 2010 02:40:35 +0000 http://karenehman.com/home/?p=1244#comment-18473 Thank you for this post. I may be an atypical male because I have experienced this sort of thing fist hand. I am a successful currency trader and I met a fellow Christian who was an employee of a local bank and did a large bank wire for me. He pretended to be a friend to me as long as I was showing him how to trade. Then when he didn't need me, he would go for long periods of not answering my e-mails. He would often wait a couple weeks then write something totally insincere like " I miss you, we need to get together sometime." Whenever I replied "sure, when?" he would not answer for days or weeks. Then he would start it all over again. After I explained to him how much that behavior bothered me, he did it even more. It was insane. I told him very plainly that I would not even treat an enemy as badly as he treated me and he suggested that I was just listening to a demon. Until his account dropped and then he came back and said he missed me and wanted to get together so I could give him some more pointers on currency trading. It was actually a lot worse than I am describing, and it was embarrassing to me that it hurt me so deeply. It was easier to dismiss before I clearly explained to him why what he was doing was hurtful and wrong. I tried to talk with him in person recently and I told him I was glad to see him, but I really wasn't. Chosing to forgive him is pretty easy when I think about how much Jesus has forgiven me, but I absolutely hate the thought of this guy ever being in my life or even being someone I occasionally have to talk with. Thank you for this post. I may be an atypical male because I have experienced this sort of thing fist hand. I am a successful currency trader and I met a fellow Christian who was an employee of a local bank and did a large bank wire for me. He pretended to be a friend to me as long as I was showing him how to trade. Then when he didn’t need me, he would go for long periods of not answering my e-mails. He would often wait a couple weeks then write something totally insincere like ” I miss you, we need to get together sometime.” Whenever I replied “sure, when?” he would not answer for days or weeks. Then he would start it all over again. After I explained to him how much that behavior bothered me, he did it even more. It was insane. I told him very plainly that I would not even treat an enemy as badly as he treated me and he suggested that I was just listening to a demon. Until his account dropped and then he came back and said he missed me and wanted to get together so I could give him some more pointers on currency trading. It was actually a lot worse than I am describing, and it was embarrassing to me that it hurt me so deeply. It was easier to dismiss before I clearly explained to him why what he was doing was hurtful and wrong. I tried to talk with him in person recently and I told him I was glad to see him, but I really wasn’t. Chosing to forgive him is pretty easy when I think about how much Jesus has forgiven me, but I absolutely hate the thought of this guy ever being in my life or even being someone I occasionally have to talk with.

]]> By: Janet Booth http://karenehman.com/home/2009/10/14/frenemies-and-a-friendship-give-away/comment-page-1/#comment-14588 Janet Booth Thu, 15 Oct 2009 20:42:55 +0000 http://karenehman.com/home/?p=1244#comment-14588 This is especially true in a working environment where the gender is primarily women. I have dealt with the frenemy situation many times. You just have to pray, give it to God, and treat others the way you like to be treated. This is especially true in a working environment where the gender is primarily women. I have dealt with the frenemy situation many times. You just have to pray, give it to God, and treat others the way you like to be treated.

]]> By: Dee http://karenehman.com/home/2009/10/14/frenemies-and-a-friendship-give-away/comment-page-1/#comment-14587 Dee Thu, 15 Oct 2009 19:30:08 +0000 http://karenehman.com/home/?p=1244#comment-14587 Wow, that was awesome. Good timing, I needed that! Wow, that was awesome. Good timing, I needed that!

]]> By: Donna http://karenehman.com/home/2009/10/14/frenemies-and-a-friendship-give-away/comment-page-1/#comment-14586 Donna Thu, 15 Oct 2009 18:56:29 +0000 http://karenehman.com/home/?p=1244#comment-14586 I have dealt with difficult friendships as recently as this weekend. I have difficulty knowing what is a healthy attitude to have in the particular situation in which I find myself, but I am distancing myself emotionally from the friendships. Female friendships are hard... harder that I'd like. I wish I could just go back to the days of my best friends being guys... but being married, I can't allow that. Blech. I have dealt with difficult friendships as recently as this weekend. I have difficulty knowing what is a healthy attitude to have in the particular situation in which I find myself, but I am distancing myself emotionally from the friendships. Female friendships are hard… harder that I’d like. I wish I could just go back to the days of my best friends being guys… but being married, I can’t allow that. Blech.

]]> By: Jessica B. http://karenehman.com/home/2009/10/14/frenemies-and-a-friendship-give-away/comment-page-1/#comment-14585 Jessica B. Thu, 15 Oct 2009 16:39:40 +0000 http://karenehman.com/home/?p=1244#comment-14585 I started reading this yesterday but just felt that I wasn't absorbing it the way I should. I came back to it today and I'm SO glad that I did. I have had a frenemy--a neighbor and a person that I attend church with. I thought she was a friend but a confrontation in our cul-de-sac led me to believe different. She accused me of non-Christian behavior and then twisted my words as she retold our encounter to her children. I was hurt, angry and then I realized that I had to give it over to God. He led me to realize that the only person she is hurting is herself and that only He can take care of her. I gave it over to Him--although it was and is still hard. Thank you for your devotion and blog. It is a reminder to be like Him. I started reading this yesterday but just felt that I wasn’t absorbing it the way I should. I came back to it today and I’m SO glad that I did. I have had a frenemy–a neighbor and a person that I attend church with. I thought she was a friend but a confrontation in our cul-de-sac led me to believe different. She accused me of non-Christian behavior and then twisted my words as she retold our encounter to her children. I was hurt, angry and then I realized that I had to give it over to God. He led me to realize that the only person she is hurting is herself and that only He can take care of her. I gave it over to Him–although it was and is still hard.
Thank you for your devotion and blog. It is a reminder to be like Him.

]]> By: Shutterhappyhope http://karenehman.com/home/2009/10/14/frenemies-and-a-friendship-give-away/comment-page-1/#comment-14584 Shutterhappyhope Thu, 15 Oct 2009 16:21:07 +0000 http://karenehman.com/home/?p=1244#comment-14584 I love a paraphrase of Lysa Terkeurst words in her chapter "Cross my heart and close my mouth" - A friend is one who refuses to gossip, chooses not to judge, and who is secure enough in their own calling not to hold you back in yours. One of my deepest needs it to be understood by others. So, I do not care if you disagree with me, but first I want you to give me affirmation that you understand my perspective. Working as a nurse I entered a world I had never known before. My inner circle of support was my husband, family, and community group. So, I did not elicit advice or list out my woes while at work...I had already done that at home or over the phone to my mom. =) At work I felt bullied, talked about, and an outsider. I wanted difference in myself to be discussed with my coworkers who did not like them instead of the behind the back talking. One day I was needing assistance from a coworker and she was frustrated that I wanted to repeat a task. So, when I opened the door to have her help me with it again she was telling the whole staff at the desk about me and how ridiculous I was being about it. She was shocked to see me standing there and I was shocked to hear what I heard. So, I knew I needed to address the perception of the situation and be personal with her. The majority of my experiences with frenemies have been in the church youth group or working on a hospital unit. Have I ever been a frenemy - at first thought I would have said no, but yes, when I think back to a particular person in high school I have. I'm a shoot from the hip, call it like I see, do not "suck up" to anyone type of person. This individual drove me nuts because I always felt she was deceitful about who she was because she was different depending on the crowd or person she was around - these were subtle things that I observed. Instead of dealing with my issues with her and my heart in the matter. I definitely did my share of talking about her. I definitely would have grown in the process if I would have been able to pull myself out of the situation and evaluate it for what it really was. I love a paraphrase of Lysa Terkeurst words in her chapter “Cross my heart and close my mouth” – A friend is one who refuses to gossip, chooses not to judge, and who is secure enough in their own calling not to hold you back in yours.

One of my deepest needs it to be understood by others. So, I do not care if you disagree with me, but first I want you to give me affirmation that you understand my perspective.

Working as a nurse I entered a world I had never known before. My inner circle of support was my husband, family, and community group. So, I did not elicit advice or list out my woes while at work…I had already done that at home or over the phone to my mom. =)

At work I felt bullied, talked about, and an outsider. I wanted difference in myself to be discussed with my coworkers who did not like them instead of the behind the back talking. One day I was needing assistance from a coworker and she was frustrated that I wanted to repeat a task. So, when I opened the door to have her help me with it again she was telling the whole staff at the desk about me and how ridiculous I was being about it. She was shocked to see me standing there and I was shocked to hear what I heard. So, I knew I needed to address the perception of the situation and be personal with her. The majority of my experiences with frenemies have been in the church youth group or working on a hospital unit.

Have I ever been a frenemy – at first thought I would have said no, but yes, when I think back to a particular person in high school I have. I’m a shoot from the hip, call it like I see, do not “suck up” to anyone type of person. This individual drove me nuts because I always felt she was deceitful about who she was because she was different depending on the crowd or person she was around – these were subtle things that I observed. Instead of dealing with my issues with her and my heart in the matter. I definitely did my share of talking about her. I definitely would have grown in the process if I would have been able to pull myself out of the situation and evaluate it for what it really was.

]]> By: Linda Principe http://karenehman.com/home/2009/10/14/frenemies-and-a-friendship-give-away/comment-page-1/#comment-14583 Linda Principe Thu, 15 Oct 2009 13:27:06 +0000 http://karenehman.com/home/?p=1244#comment-14583 Thank you, thank you, thank you for your faithfulness in giving us your Godly inspired devotion and blog on Frenemies. This was sooooo timely for ME (always a God thing for sure). The previous night, prior to receiving your devotion, I was sharing with a dear sister-in-Christ my pain over a an on-going situation that mirrored your writings in many ways. The Holy Spirit convicted me as well. Praise God. The next day I forwarded your devotion to my friend with the following note ... "God is so good to me. Look at what He sent me today (inlight of our conversation yesterday). The bottom line is PRAY." Her response: "thought this is powerful. He is always there to encourage us and show us what He wants us to do." AMEN I love the Proverbs 31 Ministry and how it reaches us, teaches us, ministers to us, and grows us to be more like Him everyday and everyway. We just have to yield and be obiedient to Him. Linda < Thank you, thank you, thank you for your faithfulness in giving us your Godly inspired devotion and blog on Frenemies. This was sooooo timely for ME (always a God thing for sure). The previous night, prior to receiving your devotion, I was sharing with a dear sister-in-Christ my pain over a an on-going situation that mirrored your writings in many ways. The Holy Spirit convicted me as well. Praise God. The next day I forwarded your devotion to my friend with the following note …
“God is so good to me. Look at what He sent me today (inlight of our conversation yesterday). The bottom line is PRAY.” Her response: “thought this is powerful. He is always there to encourage us and show us what He wants us to do.” AMEN
I love the Proverbs 31 Ministry and how it reaches us, teaches us, ministers to us, and grows us to be more like Him everyday and everyway. We just have to yield and be obiedient to Him.
Linda <

]]> By: Theresa http://karenehman.com/home/2009/10/14/frenemies-and-a-friendship-give-away/comment-page-1/#comment-14582 Theresa Thu, 15 Oct 2009 12:27:47 +0000 http://karenehman.com/home/?p=1244#comment-14582 Even before I read I could win I was going to ask a question. This is such a super to me post. It has recently happened in my life that an aquantance that runs in my same circle of friends, who I have never liked and consider a phoney; but I have always been pleasant, helpful and a listening ear, has just asked me to come over for tea. I have about 10 other ladies I would like to make time for and have not been able to get to their home for a visit, yet this is the one who is seeking my immediate company. I have no desire to fellowship with her outside of our common commitments. How honest to I be to turn down her offer, or do I put away my selfish endevors and seek a friendship that maybe the Lord is prompting? Oh one small side note; her husband has been very rude to me in the past and I know of times when this woman has been a "frenemy" behind my back. He daugheters have also disrespected my daughter and spread lies. It is so odd that she is even inviting me. Is it her way of bridging a gap? Wow, how far should I go to be honest and loving, yet not a frenemy of any sort. Thanks for your time. Excellent post. Even before I read I could win I was going to ask a question. This is such a super to me post. It has recently happened in my life that an aquantance that runs in my same circle of friends, who I have never liked and consider a phoney; but I have always been pleasant, helpful and a listening ear, has just asked me to come over for tea. I have about 10 other ladies I would like to make time for and have not been able to get to their home for a visit, yet this is the one who is seeking my immediate company. I have no desire to fellowship with her outside of our common commitments. How honest to I be to turn down her offer, or do I put away my selfish endevors and seek a friendship that maybe the Lord is prompting? Oh one small side note; her husband has been very rude to me in the past and I know of times when this woman has been a “frenemy” behind my back. He daugheters have also disrespected my daughter and spread lies. It is so odd that she is even inviting me. Is it her way of bridging a gap?
Wow, how far should I go to be honest and loving, yet not a frenemy of any sort.
Thanks for your time. Excellent post.

]]> By: Angela Ramsey http://karenehman.com/home/2009/10/14/frenemies-and-a-friendship-give-away/comment-page-1/#comment-14581 Angela Ramsey Thu, 15 Oct 2009 11:11:25 +0000 http://karenehman.com/home/?p=1244#comment-14581 Thank you for sharing. Great devotion:) Angela Thank you for sharing. Great devotion:)

Angela

]]> By: Melinda http://karenehman.com/home/2009/10/14/frenemies-and-a-friendship-give-away/comment-page-1/#comment-14569 Melinda Thu, 15 Oct 2009 02:03:49 +0000 http://karenehman.com/home/?p=1244#comment-14569 Frenemy?? This sounds like a word Bill O'Reilly would use on his show. It is really a word to ponder. And yes! I agree - Satan is definitely a frenemy (among other things). He will use whatever he can to try to derail us from God's way for us. May we all be mindful that our frenemy is alive and well - but we do not have to be overcome by his tactics. Thanks for your devotion - it brought real encouragement to my soul. I was already going to post - but with 2 giveaways - I'm glad i did! Frenemy?? This sounds like a word Bill O’Reilly would use on his show. It is really a word to ponder. And yes! I agree – Satan is definitely a frenemy (among other things). He will use whatever he can to try to derail us from God’s way for us. May we all be mindful that our frenemy is alive and well – but we do not have to be overcome by his tactics. Thanks for your devotion – it brought real encouragement to my soul. I was already going to post – but with 2 giveaways – I’m glad i did!

]]>