ANNOUNCEMENT: Each day next week will be a different Valentine giveaway—–marriage books, Bath and Body Works products, Valentines goodies and more. Mark your calendar and ‘click’ in!
Have you joined us today by way of the Encouragement for Today devotion I have up over at Crosswalk.com and on our site at Proverbs 31.org? If so, welcome!
PLEASE NOTE: If you haven’t read the devotion yet, you’ll be lost when reading this post so click here to read it. Don’t forget to come back and enter the giveaway!
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My husband Todd and I are mismatched.
He is laid back.
I am high-strung.
He is energized by lots of alone time.
I am energized by being with people.
He loves smooth jazz stations.
I prefer talk radio.
He is “get to the point” already!
I am “tell all the details so it makes a great story”.
He is a simple ham sandwich with a pickle spear and side of chips.
I am a colorful grilled chicken salad with yellow mild pepper rings and snow white feta cheese and crimson dried cranberries with a splash of raspberry vinaigrette dressing and a sunny lemon-poppy seed muffin.
We are just not at all alike.
And it makes for a FABULOUS marriage.
No. Really.
Just like the candlesticks I described in the above devotion, we make a perfect pair.
Even though I am sure a compatibility test would NEVER couple Todd and I together, we are committed to making our mismatched marriage work.
Sometimes I wonder how we ever got married, being that we are so different. However, the old saying is true. Opposites do attract.
And then, they attack!
Living 24/7 with someone who does things so differently than you, who reacts in ways you wouldn’t or who thinks issues are so vital that you think are relative non-issues, well…it is just a set up for disaster!
Nearly 24 years of marriage has taught us that we are NEVER going to agree on every major parenting dilemma; or the proper way to stack the dishes; or which brand of toilet paper to buy. That is BEFORE we argue about which way it should go on the roll. (And people….can I just say, arguing about which way the toilet paper goes on the roll is just plain silly. After all, anyone with any sense knows that the paper should hang off of the FRONT of the roll! 
)
Let’s face it, living with another person, even one you are crazy in love with, is sometimes rocky and rough.
So let me tell you the one aspect of my mismatched marriage that I love.
It keeps me on my knees.
You see, if I had a perfect husband who could meet my every need, I would have no need for God.
And if he had a flawless wife who never yelled or nagged (not that I ever do those things!), he would have no need for a savior.
So that, dear cyber sister, is why I am thankful I have a husband who drives me nuts (and he, a wife who drives him even nutty-er!)
Because….it drives us both straight to Jesus.
For those of you who too are in a mismatched marriage, I have a little giveaway that may help you. It is pictured here (along with our mismatched candlesticks!)
It is a couples “basket-in-a-box” centered around my friends’ Bill and Pam Farrel’s book Men Are Like Waffles,Women Are Like Spaghetti; Understanding and Delighting in Your Differences.
In the Farrel’s words:
Why is communication with the opposite gender so difficult? Because Men are like Waffles, and Women are Like Spaghetti!
Men process life in boxes. If you look down at a waffle, you see a collection of boxes separated by walls. That is typically how a man processes life. Our thinking is divided up into boxes that have room for one issue and one issue only. The first issue of life goes in the first box, the second goes in the second box and so on. The typical man then spends time in one box at a time and one box only. When a man is at work, he is at work. When he is in the garage tinkering around, he is in the garage tinkering. When he is watching TV, he is WATCHING TV! Social scientists call this “compartmentalizing”.
In contrast to men’s waffle like approach, women process life more like a plate of spaghetti. If you look at a plate of spaghetti, you notice that there are individual noodles that all touch one another. If you attempted to follow one noodle around the plate, you would intersect a lot of other noodles and you might even switch to another noodle seamlessly. That is how women face life. This is why women are typically better at multi-tasking than men. She can talk on the phone, prepare a meal, make a shopping list, work on the planning for tomorrow’s business meeting, give instructions to her children as they are going out to play and close the door with her foot without skipping a beat!
This is just a sampling of some of the helpful marital info you’ll find in this fabulous book!
To round out this marriage giveaway, here is what else is included:
- For her, some Irresistible Apple Bath and Body Works Lotion. (Eve tempted Adam to evil with an apple. Maybe you can tempt your husband in a good way with this apple lotion. Are you trackin’ with me ladies?)
- For him, some C.O. Bigelow’s Bay Rum After Shave Lotion (Most after shave makes me sneeze. This one makes me want to ask Todd if he’s in the mood for a little “horizontal fellowship”
) - Does he drive you nuts? Enjoy some Hershey’s Dark Chocolate Almonds!
- He thinks you are a complete and total fruit? Feed each other some Dark Chocolate-Covered Pomegranate Pieces! (So much better than grapes!)
- Are the two of you as different as salty, snappy pretzels and smooth, sweet peanut butter? Well, those two tastes, just like you two, blend beautifully in a bag of H.K. Anderson Peanut Butter Filled Nuggets.
Okay, hop on and comment. I want you to tell one aspect of your husband’s personality that you appreciate. One gal who comments will win the couples giveaway centered around the Farrel’s helpful book! I’ll leave this post up through the weekend and the winner will be announced Monday.
I’ll go first.
I adore my husband’s calm, cool, collected, “I refuse to panic” personality.
I can freak out in a split second. He just doesn’t worry, fret or stress. His faith in God is cemented firm. In fact, when Kenz was stranded all alone in a winter storm in NC last Friday (post here), I was busy planning her funeral as I frantically talked out-loud to him, just after we’d crawled in bed after talking to a very distressed Kenz. Within a few minutes of my jaws flappin’, he was soundly snoring in the bed next to me. No joke!!!
Now, what do you appreciate about your husband?
Mismatched Blessings,
GIRLS!!!!!!! I am sitting in the fieldhouse at the college Todd and I attended (Spring Arbor University) while my son is at a baseball clinic and catching up on your comments. Amazing….
My heart is so thankful that God gave me the idea for our mismatched candlesticks and the devotion and blog post. Seeing you all hop on and pen such wonderful words about your husbands makes me cry!!!!! And to see that I am not the only one that struggles with frustration and anger and sometimes biting words propels me even closer to Jesus’ arms. I need Him SOOOOO much and He is the only reason Todd and I have not thrown in the towel on this whole earthly marriage gig.
I am praying for you today. And may I challenge you….whatever you said about your husband here….go tell him in person……and throw in a little horizontal fellowship to boot
You’ll both be glad you did…..
I appreaciate each of you!!!!
i love this post. it was so timely for me. thank you.
i appreciate my husband’s faithfulness to me & patience with me over 25 years of our “mismatched marriage”. God is so good to have given me someone who is just what i needed to become more like Him.
My husband is very spontaneous. He does respect my planning needs but sometimes stretches me in a good way to just go with the flow. He definitely fills in my gaps!
I love that my husband is unpredictable. Just when I think that I’m the last thing on his mind, I get suprised. I thank Father for those times, because I know that He’s in it. Discovering the ways that we are mismatched makes the marriage intersting and as you mentioned, brings me to the Lord in prayer. My husband confessed his love for me in prayer (before we were married). That’s a very memorable moment.<3
I mean not disrespect to my husband by this comment. and I won’t go into too many details, but this was really hard for me. but I was grateful for the oppurtunity to pray for an answer. my marriage has been under spiritual warfare most of 2009. Satan had his grip on my husband, and I prayed to the Lord everyday, and I told, correction, I COMMANDED satan in Christ’s name to leave my husband and our marriage. Hate the sin, not the sinner. What did God show me? My husband is home, he’s been home for 3 months and has not been in a bar in all that time. Praise God, and i very very much appreciate my husbands ability to fight off the demons that wanted him to choose a different lifestyle that one with his family.
My husband is patient, forgiving, and funny. We share some common ground, but we communicate very differently. The Bible tells the husband to love his wife like Jesus loves the Church. My husband has given so much to care for me and our children. He is still giving after 31 years of marraige. God has blessed me with a good, Godly man!
I appreciate the fact that my husband is so outgoing. No one is a stranger to him. I am the exact opposite and rely on him many times when we are out in a crowd. Plus, after 27 years he still puts up with all of my quirks!
When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, it was the soul deep calm dependability (which can sometimes drive me crazy) of my husband that held me together. His assurance that God was in control as he supported me kept me going.
February 6, 2010
My husband and I have been married for 21 years and we are very mismatched! Add to this mix, a challenging special needs child with four diagnoses, and two typical children. I appreciate my husband for sticking to our commitment and going to four marriage counselors through it all. I have to say God is working through our weaknesses, and we are still plugging along.
Thank you! My husband is the wild and crazy guy that takes our kids out for amusement park rollercoaster “dates” and bike rides and wrestling matches to balance out the mom who will take them to the library or “coffee dates” or just sit quietly looking at the leaves falling :0)
I grew up with wine and caviar tastes and my husband is the beer and pretzels guy (although he doesn’t really like beer at all). He does not like waste and will never replace something until it is literally worn out. He keeps me centered and reminds me of the difference between needs and wants. It helps us as a family to truly be good stewards of all God has blessed us with.
My husband is so very dedicated to finding work and seeking God’s direction while doing so. He was laid off in October and our lives have been turned upside down, but he continues to be a rock for our family. He can be found studying God’s word and then working hard on the direction God seems to be leading him. I’m so impressed with his work ethic even when he is not being paid for his labor at this point. I am blessed to have such a man!
I’ve really been struggling with our relationship lately, the stress of our current circumstances doesn’t help, but I tend to lose my patience with him quicker than with any other individual. So lately I have been journaling at least one positive thing about my husband each day and in the last three days it has helped me relate to him in a much more positive way.
Thank You Karen for this devotion… it REALLY spoke to me!
I am 33 days away from marrying my fiance’ who is my mismatched candle stick. Realizing that wer have mismatched personalities before being married has been one of the hardest things for me. I often struggle with “what am I getting myself into?” and often doubt if this really is where God is leading me. but everytime, many times a day, I tell God “lead me, guide me, give me wisdom, and if this marriage is what you want for us, then you need to help us” and everyday I feel his calm presence, and he reminds me of how very much I love this man and how very special he is and how lucky I am to have him. I hope God continues to show both of us how special we both are in spite of being so different from each other. I know that our differences has kept both of us on our knees. I also know I will be spending the rest of my life on my knees and with out God we could not be together. Thank you Karen for your devo as it made me realize I am not alone.
I love my fiance’ childlike excitement for life’s experiences. Too often we all try to be so grown up and serious and I so enjoy being excited and have fun with him.
I know you’ve had a lot of comments, but I wanted to share with you a marriage conference speakers, if they are ever in your area…AWESOME: http://www.restorationresources.us/
They share a real life story and how they overcame! God is good. We just had them at our church and they were great! Talking about a mismatched pair.
LOLOLOL
Karen you and I are in the same type of marriage BUT the other way around…I am the Spastic and get straight to the point one and my beloved Matthew is the Mellow and the deep one with many details…ask what time it is and he will tell you the history of how the watch was made…LOL…He is 7 years younger and we got married late in our ages. BUT, since he has been treated for stage four cancer this past year and healed with chemo/radiation and of course the LORD GOD answering MANY prayers…we had changed personalities….I am calmer, more detailed in my answers and he is lets get to the point …Now after his treatments are done since Sept. 2009 we seem to be changing back to the way we were before…I believe this is the work of God…I had NO choice but to be calm, slow to answer and PRAYED Deeply…He is now coming out of some of the side effects and seems to becoming more like he was before…I know that GOD brought us together and desires the very best for us…So whatever comes our way…WE will trust the Lord and Love each other no matter what! AMEN!!!
I thank GOD for women like you who are honest and are here to help others who can understand that Jesus Christ REALLY is Our Answer!!!
His steadiness. His lack of panic! After 26 months of unemployment I go there daily…but not him!
I appreciate that my husband never gives up. I’ve done plenty of nagging, ranting and raving, acting like a lunatic (not in my mind of course ;op); yet he keeps on keeping on. He’s like a steady stream whereas I can be raging waters or just a trickle.
Thanks for the post!
Hey! Thought I would check in….God bless you!
Oh…I need to let you know that I appreciate it when my husband puts away his clothes…he is better at it than I am and faithfully takes care of them..
Thanks for this blog! It made me really think how to appreciate the mismatch-yness
of my husband and I! I appreciate the handy-man in my husband! Before we got married I would bring out the phone book for every repair that needed to be done. Not anymore! He has a knack for researching things when they are broke and then fixing them cheap and effectively! I will say sometimes I revert back to my old self and say “Can’t we just call someone out to fix it?” Thanks to my husband for being a self taught handy man!
Wow ~ ‘mismatched candlesticks’ ~ that describes my husband and I to a ‘T’. In fact, he sent me an email about the devotion..isn’t that ironic. I appreciate my husband because he is honest and dedicated. We have been married for 17 years and it hasn’t always been the ’smoothest’. We’ve definitely had our ups and downs ~ but through it all we remain committed to one another. Three years ago we re-dedicated our lives to Christ. In fact, I converted from the Catholic Church to a wonderful Christian Church. We both have become more ‘focused’ on Christ and love it.
I just found your blog today after reading Melanie Chitwood’s blog. I am subscribing ~ awesome devotion!
I appreciate the way my sweetie cares for our kids. He’s so much more patient than I! He is an involved father who helps with every aspect of bringing up our four younguns.
I CRIED WHEN I READ THIS DEVOTION, IT REALLY HIT HOME HOW DIFFRENT ME AND MY HUSBAND ARE. AND HOW I COME CRAWLING TO GOD ON MY KNEES ASKING FOR STRENTH AND WISODOM EVERYDAY. BECAUSE I LOVE HIM AND WANT TO BE A GOOD WIFE FOR HIM.
My marriage has been under spiritual warfare for some time now, too. A friend recently reminded me that I have to rely on God’s love to get me through. Because no matter how deeply my husband loves me it’s flawed. But God’s love is perfect! My husband is a wonderful father and he has a lot of patience. He is very calm and laid back most of the time, too.
My husband is so patient even when I don’t have my act together! He is always giving me GRACE!! He is an awesome example to me on how I should love him and others!! I am so thankful God placed us together!!
Thank you for your website. Just found it today. I look forward to visiting often! Blessings to you! Melinda =0)
Sounds like a useful read. thanks :O)
My husband and I are definately total opposites. He always thinks he is right and I always try to find the good in everything. What I appreciate the most about my husband is that he always goes to God’s Word in any situation good or bad. He is the most faithful person I know. I also appreciate that he gave up his career to stay at home with our twin boys (they are 2 1/2 now), so everyday is a difficult one!! Please pray for us, God is working in our lives and we just want to do what God wants for our life. We moved away from home 2 years ago seeking God’s will for our life. My husband has been called to the ministry and we are just waiting for doors to open to know where God wants us.
Lately, I am thankful for the “little things” my husband finds the time to do even though he works long hours…(i.e. a note, a hug).
Looking back over the last 20 years I would have to say I appreciate his faithfulness and commitment to me and our children…especially the middle child whom we adopted … even in the midst of much adversity. And I appreciate his hard work and dedication to financially providing for us! It hasn’t ever been easy for him!
I REALLY APPRECIATE MY HUSBANDS PATIENCE WITH BOTH OUR CHILDRED AND MYSELF. I TEND TO GET EASILY STRESSED AND HE IS THERE TELLING ME TO JUST NOT WORRY ABOUT THINGS SO MUCH. I ALSO APPRECIATE HIS WILLINGNESS TO WORK VERY VERY HARD FOR HIS FAMILY BUT ALSO LEAVING TIME TO SPEND WITH US AS WELL.
My husband is very outgoing! He can talk to anyone. He is retired and I still work full time so he cooks and takes care of me.