Mismatched Candlesticks and a Marriage giveaway
Published February 4, 2010ANNOUNCEMENT: Each day next week will be a different Valentine giveaway—–marriage books, Bath and Body Works products, Valentines goodies and more. Mark your calendar and ‘click’ in!
Have you joined us today by way of the Encouragement for Today devotion I have up over at Crosswalk.com and on our site at Proverbs 31.org? If so, welcome!
PLEASE NOTE: If you haven’t read the devotion yet, you’ll be lost when reading this post so click here to read it. Don’t forget to come back and enter the giveaway!
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My husband Todd and I are mismatched.
He is laid back.
I am high-strung.
He is energized by lots of alone time.
I am energized by being with people.
He loves smooth jazz stations.
I prefer talk radio.
He is “get to the point” already!
I am “tell all the details so it makes a great story”.
He is a simple ham sandwich with a pickle spear and side of chips.
I am a colorful grilled chicken salad with yellow mild pepper rings and snow white feta cheese and crimson dried cranberries with a splash of raspberry vinaigrette dressing and a sunny lemon-poppy seed muffin.
We are just not at all alike.
And it makes for a FABULOUS marriage.
No. Really.
Just like the candlesticks I described in the above devotion, we make a perfect pair.
Even though I am sure a compatibility test would NEVER couple Todd and I together, we are committed to making our mismatched marriage work.
Sometimes I wonder how we ever got married, being that we are so different. However, the old saying is true. Opposites do attract.
And then, they attack!
Living 24/7 with someone who does things so differently than you, who reacts in ways you wouldn’t or who thinks issues are so vital that you think are relative non-issues, well…it is just a set up for disaster!
Nearly 24 years of marriage has taught us that we are NEVER going to agree on every major parenting dilemma; or the proper way to stack the dishes; or which brand of toilet paper to buy. That is BEFORE we argue about which way it should go on the roll. (And people….can I just say, arguing about which way the toilet paper goes on the roll is just plain silly. After all, anyone with any sense knows that the paper should hang off of the FRONT of the roll! 
)
Let’s face it, living with another person, even one you are crazy in love with, is sometimes rocky and rough.
So let me tell you the one aspect of my mismatched marriage that I love.
It keeps me on my knees.
You see, if I had a perfect husband who could meet my every need, I would have no need for God.
And if he had a flawless wife who never yelled or nagged (not that I ever do those things!), he would have no need for a savior.
So that, dear cyber sister, is why I am thankful I have a husband who drives me nuts (and he, a wife who drives him even nutty-er!)
Because….it drives us both straight to Jesus.
For those of you who too are in a mismatched marriage, I have a little giveaway that may help you. It is pictured here (along with our mismatched candlesticks!)
It is a couples “basket-in-a-box” centered around my friends’ Bill and Pam Farrel’s book Men Are Like Waffles,Women Are Like Spaghetti; Understanding and Delighting in Your Differences.
In the Farrel’s words:
Why is communication with the opposite gender so difficult? Because Men are like Waffles, and Women are Like Spaghetti!
Men process life in boxes. If you look down at a waffle, you see a collection of boxes separated by walls. That is typically how a man processes life. Our thinking is divided up into boxes that have room for one issue and one issue only. The first issue of life goes in the first box, the second goes in the second box and so on. The typical man then spends time in one box at a time and one box only. When a man is at work, he is at work. When he is in the garage tinkering around, he is in the garage tinkering. When he is watching TV, he is WATCHING TV! Social scientists call this “compartmentalizing”.
In contrast to men’s waffle like approach, women process life more like a plate of spaghetti. If you look at a plate of spaghetti, you notice that there are individual noodles that all touch one another. If you attempted to follow one noodle around the plate, you would intersect a lot of other noodles and you might even switch to another noodle seamlessly. That is how women face life. This is why women are typically better at multi-tasking than men. She can talk on the phone, prepare a meal, make a shopping list, work on the planning for tomorrow’s business meeting, give instructions to her children as they are going out to play and close the door with her foot without skipping a beat!
This is just a sampling of some of the helpful marital info you’ll find in this fabulous book!
To round out this marriage giveaway, here is what else is included:
- For her, some Irresistible Apple Bath and Body Works Lotion. (Eve tempted Adam to evil with an apple. Maybe you can tempt your husband in a good way with this apple lotion. Are you trackin’ with me ladies?)
- For him, some C.O. Bigelow’s Bay Rum After Shave Lotion (Most after shave makes me sneeze. This one makes me want to ask Todd if he’s in the mood for a little “horizontal fellowship”
) - Does he drive you nuts? Enjoy some Hershey’s Dark Chocolate Almonds!
- He thinks you are a complete and total fruit? Feed each other some Dark Chocolate-Covered Pomegranate Pieces! (So much better than grapes!)
- Are the two of you as different as salty, snappy pretzels and smooth, sweet peanut butter? Well, those two tastes, just like you two, blend beautifully in a bag of H.K. Anderson Peanut Butter Filled Nuggets.
Okay, hop on and comment. I want you to tell one aspect of your husband’s personality that you appreciate. One gal who comments will win the couples giveaway centered around the Farrel’s helpful book! I’ll leave this post up through the weekend and the winner will be announced Monday.
I’ll go first.
I adore my husband’s calm, cool, collected, “I refuse to panic” personality.
I can freak out in a split second. He just doesn’t worry, fret or stress. His faith in God is cemented firm. In fact, when Kenz was stranded all alone in a winter storm in NC last Friday (post here), I was busy planning her funeral as I frantically talked out-loud to him, just after we’d crawled in bed after talking to a very distressed Kenz. Within a few minutes of my jaws flappin’, he was soundly snoring in the bed next to me. No joke!!!
Now, what do you appreciate about your husband?
Mismatched Blessings,
330 Responses to Mismatched Candlesticks and a Marriage giveaway
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Today’s devotional was fantastic! I am a young wife (just celebrated 2 years and I am almost 24) and I very often forget to celebrate the differences in my marriage. I want to remember to laugh instead of bicker about whether the extra paper products should be stored over the washer and dryer or in the top of the closet! (and they are only 2 feet away from each other!)
Thanks for the timely reminder of how differences can WORK in a marriage! My husband and I are so different it would be comical if it was someone else living it! Just this morning, he dropped me off at work, which is not usual. As we were getting ready to turn towards my building, he asked if he should drop me off at the “back or the front.” Of course, what he thought was the “back” of the building, I call the “front.” This thinking in opposites of each other is our “normal.”
Anyway, I DO appreciate his generosity. He is generous with his time and his money to people in need, to his friends and to his family. He will stop and assist people who may be stranded with car trouble. He puts together care packages for his friends who are on a mission. He has taken me shopping before and insisted that he buy me a pair of shoes I like but which are NOT on sale!! (something I could never bring myself to do!)
I appreciate your heartfelt comment that what you and your husband DO bring to each other is not losing sight of your need for Jesus. May you have a blessed day!
Thank you for the devotion. After almost 24 years of marriage it’s nice to know there are others that are driven to their knees making it work in spite of all the differences. I did a Beth Moore study years ago during a tough spot in our marriage. In the study on the fruit of the spirit, she spends two weeks on love. It is then that I began to learn about real unconditional love, what it takes to make a marriage work, and what commitment is really all about. Your devotion is a clear reminder of that study.
I appreciate so much, my husband’s willingness to listen. I am very high energy and tend to get caught up in my emotions and rant. As a sixth grade teacher, I come home with a lot of words to use up and emotions to get off my chest. He lovingly listens to my ranting and then with all the wisdom he can muster, helps me see reality with incredible clarity. It’s unbelievable how he does it! But he does. He puts aside his day, his thoughts, and his needs to let me get my energy out of my system. I love that!
Thank you again. Have a wonderful day!
You and your husband sound like me and mine – only the other way around. He is the extravert, I am the introvert. He is the risk taker, I am the cautious one. We have been married 24 years. I have often thought that had we consulted a “Matchmaking” program, it would have said “stay very far away from each other”! Our marriage has been challenging and the greatest source of character building for both of us. The thing that I love about my husband is his passion for life. The cool thing is that, the same passion that drives him to near workaholism, also keeps him going when things get really tough (he is a Pastor). He loves God passionately and he loves me passionately even when I know that I have aggravated him to the point of distraction with my cautious, careful, gotta-think-about-this ways.
This was wonderful to read this morning. My husband and I are taking a Christian Homemaker class on Wednesday nights, and on the heels of that, this was fantastic! I have to say that I admire my husband’s work ethic. I mean this man I married works harder than anyone I know and is completely committed to doing the best job he can do period. It has allowed me to be a stay at home mom and for that, I’m so thankful!
My husband and I are different like you and yours only opposite. I’m energized by peace and quiet and he’s energized by people. Quess I never thought of it like that (he being energized by people) causes problems sometimes.
But it’s hard to ever be mad at him for long b/c he always makes me smile or laugh. Thanks for your post!
This was a great devotion. I often wonder how many people are as different as my husband and I are. I appreciate the fact that he can fix almost anything and is very handy. He can do almost anything he sets his mind to. Our differences do keep us on our knees. I never quite thought of it like that. Thanks for sharing.
My husband and I on paper are not compatatible either. But I love the way he gets up every morning and goes to work. He works many hours for me to be able to stay at home with our 3 children. He comes home almost always in a good mood and ready and willing for any job that I need him to handle. I LOVE hime for that.
Nine years ago I asked my husband to write down some ways I could be a better wife. It took him a year to do so. There are 7 things on this list. However, the 7th item is this: Understand and appreciate the gender differences and how they affect all aspects of our marriage relationship. Little did I know or understand all that this would entail. I am just now getting the box thinking after almost 15 years of marriage. I also am learning that I gravitate towards strife and not love. God has sent the verse “Love covers over a multidue of sins.” my way so many times in the last year. Today’s devotion was right on time. Thank you God.
“Mismatched”?!!? What an understatement!! Yes, we are and thus we struggle. However, I admire my husband’s abilities to build and fix just about anything!! His intelligence amazes me and I am SO thankful to the Lord for it! What fun for the gal who wins!! Thank you for sharing, Karen!! ~Amy S.~
I am coming up on my five-year anniversary with my husband. I truly appreciate his pretty consistent upbeat attitude and strong spirituality. It helps to keep me on track. I thank the Lord for this man!
I too live in a marriage where we are vastly different. I don’t believe we have ever geniunely agreed on a single parenting issue since our kids were born. The differences tend to cause a lot of friction and I too find myself on my knees seeking God’s help and his strength to press on.
The one characteristic that I do value in my husband is his ability to assess a situation logically….no emotion tied to it. I, on the other hand, tend to run off half cocked because I react with ONLY EMOTION and little thought to the future of my actions. It is hard to see his responses as a positive in the heat of the moment but after all is said and done and things are calm…I think back over his opinion on the matter and usually his way was actually better (don’t tell him I said that)….and of course, GOD teaches me to be a little less stubborn and prideful and a little more willing to be submissive. I believe that God allowed this relationship to help drive characteristics out of me that were not pleasing to him. Thank you for the great devotional…it really hit home.
My husband and I have been married for 5 years and now have 2 small children. I often forget to make time for just us. There are many things that I appreciate about him, but I don’t always show it. The one thing that I most appreciate about him is his desire to be a godly husband and father. He plans “snack/Bible time” for the kids each night and comes up with very creative ideas. He shows me grace when I don’t deserve it. He reflects the love of Christ to me and my children. Thank you, Lord, for my husband!
Thanks this was oon time. What I appreciate about my husband is that he can be a big kid; he’s very giving; he puts others first; and he is not afraid ti do choirs around the house.
Oh, how your devotion spoke to me this morning! IT DRIVES US TO OUR KNEES! Profound! Thank yoU!
God truly IS AMAZING!!! His timing is always perfect! As my husband was getting ready for work this morning, we were talking about how mismatched we are…God really has an amazing sense of humor as well as an abundance of unconditional love for each and everyone of us! My husband and I have been married for 12 years in May. It’s a 2nd marriage for both of us along with each of us bringing 2 children into our marriage. I remember meeting with my pastor one day, explaining that God would have to drop a man from heaven on my head because I was drawn to all the wrong men! And that’s exactly what God did! My husband did NOT want anymore children while I’ve always had a passion for babies. We did have an unplanned pregnancy which resulted in our now 10 yo son, Praise God! When our son was 6, we became foster parents. Our intention was to love little ones while their parents received the help they needed to reunite with their children. We had no idea God had another plan…adoption! A long story short, my husband was the first to say YES when a birth parent asked us to adopt her daughters. My husband is the most loving, committed, patient, humble, giving, unselfish daddy and husband God made especially for us!!! We are the most mismatched couple yet we know it’s for our good and God’s glory!!!
He does so much for me. He is helpful and giving. He is not so much a person that shows much affection with words even with the children so that is hard.
He’s always put us first (the kids and me). I never have to fear that he won’t take care of us.
I appreciate the way the many ways that my husband takes care of our family. He is a hard-worker and will do what it takes to provide for us. He loves our children and is a wonderful father.
My husband and I are complete opposites also. I am talkative and out going and he is quiet and calm. He is in no means a romantic so no flowers just becuase. But what I totally ADORE about him is that he takes my car and puts gas in it for me everytime it is needed (I hate to pump gas, UGH it stinks) and on Saturday mornings he goes to the local convenience store and brings me back a big cup of coffee. This to me after almost 27 years of marriage is romantic. God knew exactly what I needed when He brought this man into my life. Have an awesome God filled day=)
I appreciate most about my husband is his ability to not let things eat at him….he has this way of always being able to give up the control to God and just be content….I on the other hand feel a need to control a situation and to mull over it.
Karen your topic really spoke to me today…… especially about how we deal with others. thank you so much for sharing!!!
Great post! I didn’t think there was another couple out there more different than my husband and me. Many times through the years I have wondered what God was thinking putting us together. But, He has used our differences to refine each of us and continues to do so! I absolutely love my husband’s ability to make a decision and stick by it. Me…I make a decision, worry about it, change my mind, worry about it some more and change my mind again. Him…he makes a decision and only God Himself can change his mind. I love that!
Oh my goodness…this is exactly what I am dealing with!!! God is so faithful to bring us people to help us along our journey….oil and vinegar!!!??? Yes, for sure. I wonder at why in the world God would have put us together….yet He assured me that I did not make a mistake (even though it feels like it so often).
I need to know from God how to be the wife I need to be….I really don’t know how and find myself with angry thoughts that sometimes spew into angry words. There is a lot of pain from neglect and abuse that has multiplied what I grew up with…I hope to find some freedom…soon!
God bless each one here who is struggling with their marriage! May He give us wisdom and courage and a great dose of His love to overcome the obstacle(s) that keep us from a blessed marriage!
I love my husband’s servant heart. It’s hard sometimes because I get selfish and want him to serve ME!!! But God has really gifted him with wanting to serve others. He will go out of his way to help any of our neighbors, friends, family, whoever. He is a naturally gifted handyman, so he can help someone do anything from install a furnace to cutting down a tree. He will help someone move in the drop of a hat. The Lord has called him to New Orleans, LA 5 times for mission work and he is currently preparing to serve in Haiti with a work team. He loves to serve. It’s one of the things that made me fall so hard in love with him and it continually reminds me that God is working through him.
Karen
What a delightful reminder about how we are ‘wired’ differently but there is an amazing balance when we seek to leverage each others strenghts. True with our spouses, our children and the world as we build community.
I so appreciate your writing…always!
Deb Ingino
Oh how I needed this post today. Seriously! Thank you.
We could not be more opposite as well – it’s jus uncanny at times.
One thing I love about him is his ability to disconnect and totally focus on someone or something without worrying about the chaos around him. I soooo can’t do that but I soooo which I could – especially where our daughter is concerned. I am consumed by the never-ending “to do” list and he just takes it all in stride. I love that about him.
This could be the story of my life! My husband and I have been married 6 1/2 years and have three kids and we could not be more different! He is the straightforward one and I am the performer with emotions all over the map at any given moment. We had very different lives growing up (mine Christian, his not) and are even different races (I’m white, he’s black and Puerto Rican)! We have also joked about submitting our profiles to one of those websites knowing that it would never put us together. The thing I appreciate about him, though, is his ability to push me further than I will push myself. He is driven, I am cautious. He has the ability to show me that I can do more than what I know I can. For example, I will only do what I know I can do well…he challenges me to go out on a limb and try something else I never thought about doing, just to see if it’s possible. For this, I am grateful.
I appreciate that my husband is willing to go to counseling with me. We are going through a rough spot right now and I was surprised at his willingness to go to counseling. Prior to our entry into biblical counseling I would have had to say I was thankful for the fact that our relationship brought me to my knees as well! (Well I still say that, but I guess now it isn’t the only thing) God surely is my refuge, because all of our loved ones will at some point hurt, disapoint, or fail us! And that is something we have to learn whether we are opposites or not.
Thank you so much for the devotion, we all need the reminder I think!
I loved this devotion. My husband and I are, like your candlesticks, total opposites. Its been the source of many tears over the last almost 10 years. Only recently have I begun to accept our differences and appreciate them. I am a worrier, I stress over everything (mostly what-ifs) and he stays completely calm. We balance each other out in great ways both as a couple and as parents. And I’ve noticed the characteristics that used to drive me totally insane are now becoming quite endearing to me. I love that on Saturday mornings he can spend hours cleaning the kitchen that I’ve worked all week to keep clean.
I used to take it personally thinking he felt I couldn’t do it, but now I sit back and enjoy that I have a husband who just wants to help in the ways he feels he can.
i’m so thankful the Lord brought me across your devotion this morning. more than anything else, i appreciate my dh’s teachable spirit before the Lord and his commitment to loving me, even on my worst days. i have much i can learn about loving others from my husband! we once did a family life bible study together that said the spouse I have is ‘God’s perfect provision for me’. marriage is such a precious gift!
Thank you for this wonderful reminder to celebrate our differences. We too are very different! I love the fact that my husband is very generous with everything he has. He would give it all away in order to help someone. I also love his self-discipline and determination!
Loved the devotion! We will be celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary on Valentine’s day. I love that my husband is so laid back. His type B personality is a great balance to my Very type A personality!
What a beautiful message. We have been married going on 45 years. In the beginning we had a lot of strife because we are exact opposites. Toilet paper wa a big one. I still cringe when I see it the “WRONG” way but now I can laugh at myself and move on. I love this man because he is so steady and solid. He never let me or our six children down. Now he is doing it for our nine grandchildren. I especially love him because he is a man after God’s heart. He is always doing for someone. How blessed I am. We complete each other just as the Lord designed us. Different yes. Still in love “YES”.
Good devotion. As soon as I saw the title I knew it was for me. DH is out of country. We had a 2 hr battle online last night leaving us both tired, frustrated and mad so this was just what I needed to hear. Funny how God works.
I really love DH’s spontaneity. I’m so predictable and orderly. He makes life fun…most of the time…thanks for the giveaway.
I never thought of it that way – to have you both sent to your knees because you’re mis-matched. We, too, are mis-matched in my marriage, but only on annoying little things.
The thing I appreciate and love most about my husband is his sense of reponsibility. He always does what’s right and is dedicated to not only his family, but his church. The man I married introduced me to Christ because he loved me that much and knew it was his responsibility as a disciple of Jesus Christ. That’s real love and I am so blessed because of him.
Thanks you so much. It was like God sat down and had a talk with me today. He has been dealing with me on this for the last couple of weeks and not just the way I talk to my husband. I wrote down some of your phrases and posted them on my mirror for me to look at everyday.
One thing I love about my husband is something that also drives me crazy. He does not like to argue. If I start an argument he walks away. It has probably saved our marriage. I am greatful afterword how wonderful he is.
Thanks alos for your post. I am a hungarian woman living in Romania(Europe). I am reading the daily encouragements for more than 2 years now. I am always encouraged.
he comes home with some beautifull flowers or something nice. Often, he takes me to a nice restaurantor just loves to have a cup of coffee with me.
)
Many times I told to my Jesus: couldn\t you find a better husband for me? Someone who is not so different than I? I thought so often, that we are the only couple who are so different and who has to argue abour everything. Really, we are so different! But as you said, this brought me to my knees! And now I can experience how God is working on me through my husband. I have seen great changings in both our characters, thanks to my dear Lord!
However, what I most love and appreciate about my husband is how he gets along and takes care of our 3 children. He adores playing with them.
He also prepares many of our(especially kid’s) favorite meals.
He is very romantic and makes many surprises to me! Especially after a big fight
There is much moe to discover! Thanks again for the encouragements you share! God bless you!
Marta. (p.s. “Kiss” in hungarian means “little”.
i love that i can trust my husband. although i wish he had more romance just the holding kind. your devotion was awesome i struggle with my walk with god and my husband doesn’t go to church or have a desire to even go. So as i read the comments and know that most people on here are true christian and both people go to church and have that in commen we don’t. but that doesn’t cause a problem i just don’t have him to talk to about my struggle with god and my belife in him and that is hard. he is also laid back and he makes a great TV buddie and doesn’t worry about anything i worry about everything, i agree if we were on a dating site we wouldn’t be matched either . thank you for letting me know and understand that there are other married couple (even Christians) that have the same sharp and frustrated tongue that i do. You were right on in you discription of the words that come out with my spouse and my children how weird the people we love the most we hurt the most…..
I often remind my husband how boring our lives would be if we had the same personality….=) because we are totally opposites. God knew he would need someone with a quirky sense of humor to make him laugh and He knew I would need someone more grounded and serious. I adore my husbands dedication to our family.
I love that my husband is more objective than I am. I tend to get emotional quickly and he helps ground me and keep me from flipping out over something. He helps me to take a step back and look at the situation from another angle and usually neutralizes my perspective. He balances me out.
My husband and I have been married almost 18 years-I simply can’t believe it has been that long. I appreciate so much about him though we to are opposites in many ways, he’s verrryyy laid back and I’m well, hmmmm more ‘spirited’. ha ha ha. One of my new year’s resolutions was to give him a good strong hug every day, just to remind him (as well as me) how much he means to me. We have lots of time together each day since he’s a stay at home dad and I work from home. Though I’m sure for some people that would be very difficult, it has actually brought us even closer-amen to that!
Thanks for the devotion…our pastor just spoke on the differences…”Women are Weird and Men are Strange” it’s too funny! We are the opposite of you guys also. I’m the stay at home = quiet time to recoup..and hubby is outgoing talks to everyone he doesn’t know.
One thing I love about my hubby is he is a “Get it DONE man” i.e. if it cost $400.00 for the plumber to put in a garbage disposal & dishwasher…I’ll figure out how to put it in myself and save the money! He’s mr handy! There is never anything too hard for him to conquer!
Here is where you’ll find the video “Women are weird and Men are strange” : http://vimeo.com/9168922
Today is my husband’s birthday and I am so glad to have him in my life. He is a great provider and an incredibly generous man when it comes to his time and talents. I thank God for the great gift he has given to me and my children!
I appreciate my husband’s devotion to all that he does: God, family, church, work, cub scouts, etc. He always completes activities to the best of his abilities. He is a very capable person. I love him very much!
All I have to say is, “Thank you, Lord” that opposites attract! Yes, I know that my husband & I clash at times because of it, but our differences are especially beneficial for our children. See, my daughter & I are so incredibly ALIKE that we do not always get along. When I have just about had it up to my neck with her, my husband will step in and say something silly, yet relevant to the situation, and even in the midst of angry tears we all will start cackling! There is nothing better than a good belly-laugh to ease the tension. I’ve tried it myself, but my husband just looks at me and says, “Kim, you are so great at so many things, but humor is not one of them. Let me handle the comedy in this house.” Oh, how I love that man!
I will have to say that I love how my husband treats me. He is a kind, tender man with a heart of gold.
When we are together, people say it is obvious we are much in love, as it is shown in our eyes and the way we light up when the other one enters a room. No matter what is going on in our lives, this is always true about us…..after 35 years of marriage. It just gets better and better. To God be the glory!
As for the way the toilet paper comes off the roll, Karen, I have to agree with your husband. It comes off the back!
I love your Proverbs 31 devotional today! This is true of Doug and me, too–we are united in our love for the Lord, but definitely different.
His sense of humor keeps me in stiches! I am more serious and because of Doug’s playfulness, the Lord keeps me grounded and not so “full of myself”. “a merry heart is good for the soul”.
Hi Karen, Great devotional today. While my husband and I are different in every single way there is, and after only being married six years we have overcome many obstacles as a blended family. However, through everything, my husband will not let me wash dishes. He says, “you work all day long, you aren’t going to wash dishes too.” It’s nice for him to recognize a stay at home mom is working! He is also so quick to help me with my AVON deliveries with no questions asked! He says, “I’m secure in my manliness!” lol. I can’t imagine my life without him. Thanks for letting me remember today.
My husband & I have been married for 30 years, and I admit at times it has been a struggle. We, too, are total opposites and look at things so differently. I get so frustrated sometimes when I am so worried about something, and he seems to “go with the flow” and never loose any sleep over anything. This devotion has helped me to see how truly bad it would be if we were both “jumping off the deep end”. Having different perspectives makes neither party right or wrong, it simply keeps us in balance. Thank you for this wonderful devotion.
One of the things I appreciate about my husband is his unselfishness. He puts my wants and needs first, and often says he is happiest when he can do something to make me happy. He is always doing things for me to make my life easier, and I love him for it.
I appreciate the fact that my husband celebrates our differences. He supports the fact that I love to scrapbook and read. He gives me time for my alone activites when I know he rather be with a group.
Karen, I agree with you the tp always goes over the top:). Could you please give us some ideas for gifts we could give a couple that is not getting along? I am drawing a blank on this and we have friends that are on the brink of divorce and if we could send them a gift to help repair the rift, which is all about their difference maybe this would help! THanks!
Oh how I needed this today. I am well into middle-age and have been married for less than 5 years. Yes, God is keeping me on my knees. At the end of the day my husband always has a smile on his face when he says I love you before turning off the last light. He is the patient, kind, funny one that keeps me from being too serious. Thank you for writing this and may God bless you abundantly.
I appreciate my husbands servant heart. As a pastor, his job is service but he does it with grace and humility. Sometimes I wish he weren’t so worn out when he got home but I do appreciate what he does. He also is a great cook! Thanks for another great devotion, Karen. I always enjoy your posts!
Rebecca Ann
After almost 40 years of marriage, I still very much needed this blog. Most of my frustrations are with me and not remembering how differently we think about everything. I appreciate my husband’s patience, stedfastness and his being a finisher, not just a starter in all areas of life!
I am so grateful for my husband! My favorite of his many fine qualities is his ability to see the “big picture”. His circumspect vision causes him to be wise, thoughtful, and patient in the way he approaches life’s difficulties. His “bird’s-eye view” lets him see which direction our daily steps are taking us, helping him make wise decisions and course corrections. This has helped our marriage, our family and our church to grow toward God’s plans for us.
I so enjoyed your blog post about “mismatched candle sticks”. That’s so US!!
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I appreciate so much how my husband ALWAYS responds with a soft answer even after I’ve hurled harsh words at him. I’m amazed at how he does this with such ease.
My husband and I will be celebrating 10 years of marriage this year. He is truly a gift from God. 14 years ago I lost my husband to a sudden heart attack which was devastating with 3 children.
God sent me a gift, who I appreciate more than words. We became saved together and have shared a spiritual journey since. Our Lord is good and we have blessings beyond measure!
Thank you Lord!
I like the fact that my husband will tackle just about any project, even things he’s never done before. When he runs into difficulty, he just sits back for a while, thinks about it, and always comes up with a solution.
This was just what I needed to read this morning, Thank You. I need to be reminded that it is not a bad thing to have a husband who is opposite. We have been married for 17years and I adore the fact that he choose me way back then. Darrell choose all of me and my messed up emotions without hesitation. He is so patient and has always tried to put the needs of our family before his needs. Darrell is very slow to react and I am more of it has to be done so do it now. We are absolutely mismatched personalities. Last night, as he tried to explain to me that his desire was to not add anything more to my list of jobs for him or the family. It spiraled into a different thought pattern for me and then he starts laughing at me and says see you just said what I said we are not opposite. But it made me mad that he was laughing at not communicating to me his needs. Talk about a spiral downhill for me and I did end up on my knees soul laid bare before God who has to supply my strength. I love my husband and make myself crazy by the differences. We will both tell you the only reason the two opposites are still married is by God’s intervention of saving grace, mercy, and love! Again, thank you for being a woman who share such a real topic in a way that it uplifting to God and your husband.
I believe that where there is love, there is God. That is my favorite thing about my husband, he loves me and bring God into my life
Not just on the bad days, and times of argument, but also in joyous times! Thank you Lord for the love of my husband!
Wow. My husband would have reacted the same way yours did in regards to the situation with your daughter! Drives me crazy sometimes. I think he knows I’ll do enough worrying for the both of us!
The thing I love the most about him is the way he encourages me to do the things that I think I can’t. When I do something I wasn’t sure about he will tell me “see, I knew you could do it!” God is so good to have given this wonderful man to me
Wow, I needed this today! Thank you for the reminder that if I had the husband that fulfilled all of my needs, I would not nearly be on my knees so much! And the waffle and spaghetti metaphors make so much sense, I can’t wait to read the book!
What I appreciate most about Jeff is his undying devotion towards me and the kids. He would do anything for us, and I know that. There are many times when I am frustrated at him, but underlying those feelings I always know he would do anything for us. I never doubt his love for me, even when I am wishing he would show it more.
Great blog & devotion, thanks!
Thank you for a funny and honest devotional and blog. We have been married for 15 years and are opposites in many ways also. I really needed to see we are not the only ones who are opposites but love each other and work through the tough stuff. I also tend to be the flesh ball thrower but with Gods grace I am improving in that area. Thank God for sticking with me through all the craziness and for Christian friends, families and even the counselor way back. Thank you for your wonderful devotional today.
20 years ago, I met this sharp witted, intelligent young man, recently divorced, like me, who I really didn’t like…at first. But after a traumatic post divorce time, when I thought all joy was forever gone from my life, he made me laugh again. Nearly 18 years of marriage later, I can tell you that he and I have been to the brink more than once-what marriage hasn’t? And I can tell you that because of the grace of God, we know without a doubt that our marriage has no expiration date. Are we two peas in a pod, agreeing on everything, similar likes and dislikes, always finding ourselves on the same side of an argument, er discussion? ABSOLUTELY NOT! In fact, our nearly constant banter makes most people wonder how in the world have these two people made it! It is work, loving someone, whether you are seemingly “compatible” or not, but in that work there is great joy: hearing “I Love You” for the tenth time that afternoon, reading the story he wrote for you to celebrate your birthday, watching him tenderly hold your grandchild, hearing him laugh and giggle with your teenage sons…joy. And for that joy, and so much more, I am grateful to God for bringing this romantic, tender, and talented man into my life.
He’s very devoted to the things that he loves. Like me. Or like learning to play the guitar. He diligently practices every day. He’s 61 years old and some days his hands hurt from his job, but he will still give 20 or 30 minutes to his guitar. I have no follow through. I want to be good at it now. I have no patients to spend years trying to get better at something. That’s one of the MANY things I love about him, his devotion to the things (or people) that he loves.
After 20 years of marriage, I thought that the mis-matched marriage would not be as big of an issue…….boy, was I wrong!!! That is always at the forefront of everything we do between housework, raising children, daily decisions, need I go on!! Your devotion today was right on target – I have been struggling the past week with my family in general…..husband, teenage boy, strong willed girl!! I realize I’m not alone!! God is there…..I just need to follow!! Thank you for your words of encouragement. May God richly bless you!!
Thank you for your devotion. I always need to be reminded about how good personality differences can be good. I appreciate so much about my husband. We have been married 10 years and he still flirts with me, takes me on dates, tells me how much he appreciates me and that I am a good mom to our kids. He knows when to talk and when to just listen. He is an amazing father to our kids. I could go on and on. I am so blessed by God to have him as my husband.
I appreciate my husband’s wisdom in knowing when NOT to speak. I tend to spew my thoughts out as if there is no filter between my brain and my mouth. He, on the other hand, takes time to process – and often refine – his thinking. I know he does this because he has such a huge heart for people…not just those closest to him…but EVERYONE he interacts with. He does not want his words to wound others and I sincerely appreciate that in him. (Even if I take it for granted and trample all over it on occasion – wince!)
Oops, I forgot to include my e-mail address in my above comment (just in case I win!!).
Esther
My husband gives selflessly to our children and to me. He loves beyond any expectations. He forgives without harboring anger or hurt feelings. He is such an example of how God wants us to live. Often my husband is a reminder of how I should act and live. He is a daily blessing in my life, even when I’m too involved in other parts of life to realize it.
I love that my husband is willing to have hard conversations and make sacrifices to work on our marriage. His grace to me overwhelms me. Like Karen, I’m the more “concerned” spouse and my husband is more “mellow.” As much as it can drive me crazy, I know that I would go crazy without his mellowing.
I am so proud to be his wife. I love him more than words can express.
Love the picture of the mismatched, but yet God-matched, candlesticks!
Thank you for your devotion. My husband and I have been married for 10 years and he still flirts with me, takes me on dates, tells me how much he appreciates me, and treats me sooo well. He is an amazing father to our kids. He knows when to talk and when to just listen. He is a godly leader of our home. He is patient, kind, and my very best friend.
Thanks for the great reminder and perspective about differences in partners! I’m thankful my husbands seeks to do things God’s way…praying together really helps draw us closer. enjoy your site! Kim
We have been married almost 18 years and dated for 5 years before that. There are so many things I appreciate about my husband but what tops the list right now is that we do not wig out about the same things so one of us is usually calm and reasonable in times of stress. Oh, and did I mention that even after 23 years, he still takes my breath away.
I appreciate my husbands patience. He has the ability to listen to me tell the same story more than once without pointing out to me that we have already been this way before. He is kind and gentle and just being with him makes me feel less frazzled. We are true opposites in temperment and I have always said that God knew what he was doing when he put us together. He is one of the most Godly men I know. After 25 years of marriage I have come to enjoy our differences and appreciate how he balances me.
It is so exciting seeing so many women embracing the differences in their husband! Differences can be used “for us and for our relationships”. Hope you all have an amazing Valentine’s day (we have more free helps at ou website articles page http://www.farrelcommunications.com ) Bless you Karen for all you do for women!
Pam Farrel
author of Men are like Waffes, Women are like Spaghetti and Red Hot Monogamy
There are so many aspects of my husband’s personality that I dearly appreciate. The one I will share today is his ability to listen to concerns that I have and not always jump in with a solution, but to think on it and pray about it and then show me biblically what is correct.
My Doug is always there. After we married I developed all kinds of “stuff”, diabetes, epilepsy, Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, hiatial hernia, you could name it, but he has been there with me through it all. The last time he took me to the hospital they gave me a medicine that I was allergic to, I was coming in and out of conciousness, when I heard him with his head next to mine, praying for God to bring me thru. We have been married going on 39 years. We have had our battles, and still do at times, but nothing or no one could replace him in my life. I love him! Thank You Lord for my Doug!
Wow! God provided you the words I needed to hear! Despite some very tough times we are going through; I LOVE that he loves my children, I LOVE that he is not turned off by my ‘fake boobs’ (I had a double mastectomy 2 years ago); I LOVE the fact that despite our differences we have a lot in common too. I know, you only asked for 1, but I really want to turn things around in our relationship and need to start pointing out the positive. Thanks for allowing me that! God Bless!!!!
Thank you for that devotion – I need that reminder once in awhile! My husband and I are also “mismatched candles” which sometimes I am thankful for, and other times I’m not! I am grateful for the ways we balance each other. When our son has pushed all of my buttons, I’m grateful when my husband can calmly walk in and de-stress the situation. I also love my husband’s spontaneity. When we met I was the one who carried a calendar in my purse and had everything scheduled. He has taught me to enjoy the unexpected and unplanned. I could go on as your devotion has gotten me thinking about how much I appreciate my husband. Thank you!
I love my husband because God hand picked him just for me. My husband is a little bit of everything, that when combined together, is a perfect balance of what I need in a partner. He is fun and light hearted, which matches my humor. He is a strong leader, which is what I need when I struggle with indecisiveness. He is a spititual leader which helps me with my faith walk. He is a protector, which helps me feel secure. He is intelligent and loves to learn, which matches my appreciation of life long learning. He is well liked by others and is a faithful friend, which matches my value of frienship. He is a good family man, which makes me excited about building a family with him. He has many interests and hobbies, which keeps our lives interesting. He is expressive, which matches my desire being talkative. He is loving, sweet, and kind, which are important traits to me. He is driven, which keeps me movtivated not to get lazy. He supports my goals and interests, which helps me feel like I can be myself. He is so much more I could go on and on!
At our wedding our pastor gave us one word to help us remember as we began to build our marriage. A.L.L, Active Living Love. We are to practice Active Living Love with God, with each other, and the world around us. Together we love God, love one another, are starting a family, laugh, work side by side, pray, serve, live. We do it A.L.L and I feel blessed that I get to do it A.L.L with the person I know God intended me to be with.
Where do I begin??? Seriously!! I am the luckiest girl in the world! I adore my husband and love the way he “gets me”. God has blessed me far beyond what I deserve in giving me him! His unconditional love has been a redeeming part of my life and has healed many many scorched places!
I adore the way my husband love’s me just the way I am, with all my flaws and crazy mood swings at times. He just Loves me!!
Dear Karen ~
I LOVE the waffle/spaghetti analogy! It’s perfect! Thank you for sharing the info on the Farrel’s book.
My husband died 3 1/2 years ago. He was the best earthly present God ever gave me. We had been through a lot before we got together and that made us appreciate that there really wasn’t anything worth arguing over. If there was an issue we would decide which one of us had the greater buy-in and therefore who wanted to get mad about it, and the other one would stay calm to balance it out. It was a wonderful 25-year trip and I miss him more than I can ever say.
Thank you for your devotion on Proverbs 31 today.
Peace, blessings & joy (also known as PB&J ~ sustaining food for everyday living!) ~
Linda
I admire the way my husband is EVEN all the time – whereas I am like a rollercoaster of emotion, activity and unpredicability. I can always count on him to be the same each and every day.
Dear Karen,
I appreciate my husband’s compartmentalizing mostly. He will stay focused on one subject/task until it is completed. It also drives me crazy at the same time because I am ready to move on to the next task/subject even if it isn’t resolved. I’ll be five sentences into the next subject, and he’ll comment about something from the last subject. (I will be left wondering when will he be done with that subject and leave the box.) I do appreciate the focus and hard work he gives to each task.
Sincerely,
Crystal
I appreciate that my husband spends a lot of time with our daughters. He is very involved in their care, from bath time to staying home if one of them is sick. He plays with them and makes them laugh. And he is also a good cook!
First time to visit your blog (from Proverbs 31) – I could be addicted. Between you and Lysa, you two may help straighten me out! Anyhoo, what a great visual since I’m sort of a Missouri girl (show me, show me) although I’m a southern girl born and bred.
What I love about my husband, Brent, is that he is always willing to say he’s sorry when he’s messed up (Those words don’t come near as easy for me) and he doesn’t give up trying. Our 10 yr marriage has always been rocky and hard, but he has committed to work to overcome the childhood traumas that affect us every day. Through therapy and lots of prayers, he is becoming the leader of our family as I work to be the godly wife. We really do make a pretty pair of mismatched candlesticks.
They say opposites attract. We too are two peas in a pod opposite. My hubby wakes up ready to go. I’m just not real joyful in the mornings. But late at night I’m wide awake. I’m more go with the flow and he isn’t as flexible. He does however, call me if his work schedule is changed so I can know when to expect him or not expect him.
My husband loves me more than I could every imagine. He doesn’t have to say it (although he does)because he shows it in so many ways. He has a way of letting me know that I am the most important person in his life. Are we mismatched? Heavens yes. That just adds spark to our marriage. Almost 20 years of marriage, we still are hot for each other. God is good!
I appreciate my husband’s ability to make me laugh and have fun! I get stressed out so easily and he reminds me that life is short and we need to make the most of each day, to turn our worries over to Christ and let go. And is he a wonderful father to our two sons!
I appreciate the fact that although my husband and I are so very different, we still learn so much from each other. And I like the way he laughs at his own pathetic jokes, because in turn, that makes me laugh (even after 27 years!).
I appreciate my husbands ability to surrender his will. After a 15 year drug addiction, he realized that God had greater things planned for his life. It’s true that the husband can be won through the wife. Even when people(christians) advised me to give up and walk away, God said hold on I not done with him or you yet.
Today both my husband and I are active in the church. We praise together, worship togethe,r and pray together. Yes, we still are like night and day but with God leading the way the ride has been great!
I am the pot stirrer in our relationship, but my husband takes it all in stride. He has put up with my inconsitencies and quirks with a calm and level head. He wants nothing more than to provide and love his family, and for that I will be forever greatful! I couldn’t ask for a better man of God to share my life with.
Karen – you are hit this one Perfect! My husband and I are so different and is has taken 25 years of knee time to work through these differences! I should have known, when we were engaged and I fixed him a sandwich and he commented that I put mayo on the wrong side of the bread, that we had a lot to work on in our future marriage! But isn’t it amazing how 2 imperfect people, committed to a Perfect God – can survive 25 years. We love each other more (alot more) today than the day we got married. God is awesome – and I have an awesome husband, too! One of the things that I appreciate about him the most is that every morning before we get out of bed he prays the Lord’s blessing over my life for the day! It has not always been this way – but in the past year – this has been a daily routine and I am so thankful for this!
About the only thing Graeme & I have in common some days is our love for each other, but in 21 years of marriage, which statistically should have failed, God has given us growth beyond measure. We grow, nurturing each other, in ways we would not be able to if we were both alike. I’ve spent some time this past year thinking about our compatibility. Our doctor
I am so honored to share life with my incredible husband of 11 years. I’ve had a crush on him since I was 12 years old and much to my delight, he became my high school sweetheart and eventually my amazing husband! So we basically grew up together and experienced our calls from God together. He has become an amazing man of God with a beautiful servant’s heart and a genuine compassion for God’s people. I am blessed by him everyday as I watch him serve God with the talents that God has entrusted him with to serve others!
I am a planner – I create a To Do List in my head before I get out of bed each morning. I have MY plan and I expect the day to go as planned. My husband lives life where the path before him takes him. He may think of some possibilities for the day, but no plan. You can only imagine how our vacations go – I have it all planned out right down to the elated looks on the faces of my children as I drag them through my perfectly planned day. Of course it is my plan, in my head and only I know exactly how it looks. Then as my plan starts unraveling I begin to freak out, wondering why everyone looks stressed out and feeling like I have failed. Then there is my hubby – after 25 years of marriage he has learned how to quietly smile and nudge me along a simple path, to just relax and enjoy whatever God has planned. Our kids are grown now and when we get together they all tease me about my plan – they even entertain me by asking “so Mom, what’s the plan?”, knowing that Dad has the best plan, just live life the way God intended.
My husband and I have been married for 21 years…life has had it’s interesting times in marriage….the longer we are married, the more I depend on God….as I have learned and am learning that even in a good marriage, you can’t get everything you need and want from your spouse, it’s too much pressure and expection…it is freeing to give it all over to the Lord with disappointments, etc.
Thanks for offering the contest, I would love to win!
Thank you so much for your wonderful devotion today! It really describes my relationship also. My husband also does not panic. Thankfully, or we would both lose our heads and then where would we be? I am thankful for that!! I am also thankful for his sensitive nature. He really knows people and can appreciate them for who they are.
Although my husband is my best friend and love of my life, he too is my polar opposite in many ways! (Funny how I didn’t realize so many of us women felt the same way). Dan is “numbers guy”. He works with an investment firm, takes care of the family finances, calculates his actions, and plans for the future. Even his responses (verbal and physical) are logically thought out.
I, on the other hand, am a “people gal”. I work as a communication therapist, organize our family’s social events, am spontaneous, and live in the ‘here and now’. My responses are always goverend by emotion.
On paper we might look like a recipe for disaster, but we’ve been successfully ’rounding eachother out’ for 11 years now. The LORD truly knew what He was doing by joining us in marriage!