ANNOUNCEMENT: Each day next week will be a different Valentine giveaway—–marriage books, Bath and Body Works products, Valentines goodies and more. Mark your calendar and ‘click’ in!
Have you joined us today by way of the Encouragement for Today devotion I have up over at Crosswalk.com and on our site at Proverbs 31.org? If so, welcome!
PLEASE NOTE: If you haven’t read the devotion yet, you’ll be lost when reading this post so click here to read it. Don’t forget to come back and enter the giveaway!
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My husband Todd and I are mismatched.
He is laid back.
I am high-strung.
He is energized by lots of alone time.
I am energized by being with people.
He loves smooth jazz stations.
I prefer talk radio.
He is “get to the point” already!
I am “tell all the details so it makes a great story”.
He is a simple ham sandwich with a pickle spear and side of chips.
I am a colorful grilled chicken salad with yellow mild pepper rings and snow white feta cheese and crimson dried cranberries with a splash of raspberry vinaigrette dressing and a sunny lemon-poppy seed muffin.
We are just not at all alike.
And it makes for a FABULOUS marriage.
No. Really.
Just like the candlesticks I described in the above devotion, we make a perfect pair.
Even though I am sure a compatibility test would NEVER couple Todd and I together, we are committed to making our mismatched marriage work.
Sometimes I wonder how we ever got married, being that we are so different. However, the old saying is true. Opposites do attract.
And then, they attack!
Living 24/7 with someone who does things so differently than you, who reacts in ways you wouldn’t or who thinks issues are so vital that you think are relative non-issues, well…it is just a set up for disaster!
Nearly 24 years of marriage has taught us that we are NEVER going to agree on every major parenting dilemma; or the proper way to stack the dishes; or which brand of toilet paper to buy. That is BEFORE we argue about which way it should go on the roll. (And people….can I just say, arguing about which way the toilet paper goes on the roll is just plain silly. After all, anyone with any sense knows that the paper should hang off of the FRONT of the roll! 
)
Let’s face it, living with another person, even one you are crazy in love with, is sometimes rocky and rough.
So let me tell you the one aspect of my mismatched marriage that I love.
It keeps me on my knees.
You see, if I had a perfect husband who could meet my every need, I would have no need for God.
And if he had a flawless wife who never yelled or nagged (not that I ever do those things!), he would have no need for a savior.
So that, dear cyber sister, is why I am thankful I have a husband who drives me nuts (and he, a wife who drives him even nutty-er!)
Because….it drives us both straight to Jesus.
For those of you who too are in a mismatched marriage, I have a little giveaway that may help you. It is pictured here (along with our mismatched candlesticks!)
It is a couples “basket-in-a-box” centered around my friends’ Bill and Pam Farrel’s book Men Are Like Waffles,Women Are Like Spaghetti; Understanding and Delighting in Your Differences.
In the Farrel’s words:
Why is communication with the opposite gender so difficult? Because Men are like Waffles, and Women are Like Spaghetti!
Men process life in boxes. If you look down at a waffle, you see a collection of boxes separated by walls. That is typically how a man processes life. Our thinking is divided up into boxes that have room for one issue and one issue only. The first issue of life goes in the first box, the second goes in the second box and so on. The typical man then spends time in one box at a time and one box only. When a man is at work, he is at work. When he is in the garage tinkering around, he is in the garage tinkering. When he is watching TV, he is WATCHING TV! Social scientists call this “compartmentalizing”.
In contrast to men’s waffle like approach, women process life more like a plate of spaghetti. If you look at a plate of spaghetti, you notice that there are individual noodles that all touch one another. If you attempted to follow one noodle around the plate, you would intersect a lot of other noodles and you might even switch to another noodle seamlessly. That is how women face life. This is why women are typically better at multi-tasking than men. She can talk on the phone, prepare a meal, make a shopping list, work on the planning for tomorrow’s business meeting, give instructions to her children as they are going out to play and close the door with her foot without skipping a beat!
This is just a sampling of some of the helpful marital info you’ll find in this fabulous book!
To round out this marriage giveaway, here is what else is included:
- For her, some Irresistible Apple Bath and Body Works Lotion. (Eve tempted Adam to evil with an apple. Maybe you can tempt your husband in a good way with this apple lotion. Are you trackin’ with me ladies?)
- For him, some C.O. Bigelow’s Bay Rum After Shave Lotion (Most after shave makes me sneeze. This one makes me want to ask Todd if he’s in the mood for a little “horizontal fellowship”
) - Does he drive you nuts? Enjoy some Hershey’s Dark Chocolate Almonds!
- He thinks you are a complete and total fruit? Feed each other some Dark Chocolate-Covered Pomegranate Pieces! (So much better than grapes!)
- Are the two of you as different as salty, snappy pretzels and smooth, sweet peanut butter? Well, those two tastes, just like you two, blend beautifully in a bag of H.K. Anderson Peanut Butter Filled Nuggets.
Okay, hop on and comment. I want you to tell one aspect of your husband’s personality that you appreciate. One gal who comments will win the couples giveaway centered around the Farrel’s helpful book! I’ll leave this post up through the weekend and the winner will be announced Monday.
I’ll go first.
I adore my husband’s calm, cool, collected, “I refuse to panic” personality.
I can freak out in a split second. He just doesn’t worry, fret or stress. His faith in God is cemented firm. In fact, when Kenz was stranded all alone in a winter storm in NC last Friday (post here), I was busy planning her funeral as I frantically talked out-loud to him, just after we’d crawled in bed after talking to a very distressed Kenz. Within a few minutes of my jaws flappin’, he was soundly snoring in the bed next to me. No joke!!!
Now, what do you appreciate about your husband?
Mismatched Blessings,
I’m glad to hear stories of mismatched marriages. My husband and I are seperated and I know that reading your encouragement today and all your ladies comments just make me realize how much I miss and love my husband. I’m asking that all my christian sisters stand in aggreement with me and pray for my marriage that God restore our lives back together. Thank you ladies for sharing your love stories,
Thank you so much for your encouraging post! My husband and I are also different in many ways, but we like to say that when you add up everything about us, we are complete. (Neither of us can even complete a whole crossoword puzzle by ourselves, but when we do it together, we can almost always finish it!)
One of the things I appreciate most about my husband is the way he seems to be in tune with how I’m feeling. He can almost immediately sense what kind of day I’ve had, and even when I’m feeling a little blue or grumpy, he’ll often put his arms around me and say: “I’m feeling like you need to be treated gently right now. What can I do for you?”
It just knocks my socks off!
I’m so thankful for my Andreas.
Thanks for being so generous. Loved the devo.
Love in Christ,
Dana
I like that my husband can speak in front of people. God may call me to that someday, and it frightens me!
What a lovely twist, instead of focusing on the negative! Thanks
Shannon
We, too, are as mismatched as it comes. . . but something I truly appreciate about him is that he can see every aspect of situations and discern what would be an appropriate follow-up action. I usually just react to what I can see, not the other options. It is definately a source of frustration for him, but I sure appreciate it in him!
I appreciate how; no matter what I’ve said or done, he’s so forgiving and how in tune he is to what I’m feeling even before I’m aware of it. After 20 years, he reads me like a book and sometimes I’m too stubborn to even admit it but he still loves me! It could only be God.
Amazingly Faithful Man
Karen, what an awesome post! I love that my husband also is so calm when the storms arrive. It is encouraging to read your God-response to a mismatched marriage instead of viewing it as a negative. I am growing in God’s love and learning that doing His will (in my marriage, in all areas) brings calm, peace, total satisfaction and joy in my life and those around me.
I had to laugh at the idea of waffles and spaghetti. Little could my husband have imagined 20 years ago, when we met at a college party, what our marriage and life would become.
At the time we were young and full of life. Different as night and day. He says his “bag of words” gets empty after having to talk to so many people at work all day. I have been told I could talk the paint off a picket fence! Yet we were drawn to each other. Me, loving his dry sense of humor and good looks, and he being attracted to my fun-loving and spirited personality. Faith was not a part of our past, nor our present.
Fast forward to 2010. My husband is now married to a, still fun-loving, born again Christian,with a spirited personality.We have experienced many trials, not the least of which, are my two-bouts with breast cancer, still on-going. I could not have imagined the level of love and support, as well as fierce loyalty that he has displayed. Not yet a Christian, he supports me in my walk of faith, and prays for my healing constantly. What I lack, he provides, and visa-versa.
Although we did not know God prior to our marriage, I am convinced He knew us, and brought us together to love and support each other, despite his waffles and my spaghetti~
My husband is a dreamer. He is all about visions and what he sees for himself in the future. He is always striving to make things better and to never settle for less than the best. I, on the other hand, am very grounded in reality and have the tendency to accept things they way they are. I am a perfectionist and yet don’t try to change things that I think are hopeless.
Oddly enough, we have switched roles. He left 4 months ago with the full assurance that we could never be happy together and that our marriage was over. He is off to find something new. I, the realist, firmly believe that he is the best God has given me and am doing all I can to hold onto our marriage. We have been together for 13 years, and I am dreaming of a time when our marriage will be more than I could ever have imagined, whereas he has given up all hope. But God is at work, and as long as I have Him there is always hope.
I am so thankful for my husband. we too are much different in many aspects of life. One thing he does that I LOVE is he jumps in and helps with household tasks- everything, from cleaning, folding and putting away laundery, getting groceries, and cooking- all so I can possibly have a few moments to do what I want to do- my own queit time, go for a walk, a long shower….
we’ve been married for 10 years this summer and I couldn’t love him more!
Great devotion today! My husband and I, too, are different in many ways. He is “sensitive guy” to my “tough cookie”.
What I appreciate most about my husband is that when I am being the “I don’t need anyone, I can do this on my own” person that I have always tended to be, he ignores that and gives me the help and support that I need anyway. He sees beyond my tough exterior that I am in the habit of putting up and sees my vulnerability instead and without calling attention to it, makes me feel secure and loved. I have pushed many a person away with my exterior in the past, and am blessed to have found in my husband the person who doesn’t buy into it and sees me for the person in need of help just like any other even though I still try to hide behind a constant mask of “calm call and collected”. God knew exactly what I needed when he brought my husband into my life.
My husband and I are very different. very!! things I appreciate about my husband… he can do anything he sets his mind to, be it house building, motor changing, painting, fix the plumbing etc…
I loved loved the devo. thanks for being so generous and real.
I appreciate how my husband takes the time to do research before making almost any type of purchase. I’m one who will look at something a say it looks good lets get it. He is more of a lets take a few days (sometimes even weeks) to do some research and see if this is the right choice or if there is something better. It is frustrating at times when it is something I really want but in the end his way does pay off.
I love my husband’s compassion for others. He is the first one to raise his hand and volunteer no matter what the chore or dilemma is.
He’s a true servant of Jesus.
I love my husband for his hard work ethic. He works every day so that I can serve in ministry and be at home with our kids and I appreciate that in him so much. Even when things get stressful or tough, he rarely brings that home and tries to be in a good mood when he gets here. Thanks for your post Karen!
I appreciate his quick witty one-liners that make me smile and laugh even on the worst of days.
We too are mismatched and for me it is a constant struggle, but for him it is no big deal, just life. There are days I wonder how we ever got together, and other days how we stay together. Then I realize that it is because we have God in our lives and we Love each other dearly.
Wonderful word Karen! I do enjoy your devotions from P31! This is great word for any relationship. My husband and I are so much alike that it creates trials too. Even so he is a man and at times very much like a waffle! Thanks for sharing your candle sticks!
I love how very task focused my husband is. I, too, am usually all over the map and have multi-tasked myself until I collapse into a heap of tears, but my husband always seems to remain calm, focused and finishes a job without getting his feathers ruffled. He keeps me grounded when I get myself into a mess.
One of the greatest aspects of my husband is his ability to listen and remember everything I say. No, it’s not a joke. I know it’s something that every woman YEARNS for in her husband. However, I will tell you that while most of the time it is wonderful that he listens to what I say and acts accordingly, it is also a constant reminder that I better mean what I say at all times or it might just come back and bite me in the butt!
AS I was saying, our doctor thinks were totally incompatible, and I should rethink our relationship. But we both need the burrs, the tension for us to grow, and soon we’re connected like velcro.
the best thing about my husband–he loves me, always!
I absolutely love the way my husband is so laid back! No matter what is going on(me jumping up and down trying to fix everything) he is the most calm person I have ever met : ) Yes, at times that drives me crazy but it honestly what I love most about him!
I thank God for my husband’s playful personality with the kids. It brings our whole house to a place of joy, music, laughter…and since neither of us grew up in a home like that, it is a true gift from God for all of us!
Living out your wedding vows is a daily choice and I love that my husband continues to make that choice every day no matter what. Life has thrown us seemingly continuous curveballs yet he is steady. I, on the other hand, am spaghetti!
My husband can be so frustrating at times that I want to go into a closet and scream! but…then there are the times that I see him snuggled up on the couch with our little girls watching a video, reading a book or just listening to them talk about their day…it melts my heart! He is such a good daddy and all of our children benefit from his wacky sense of humor. I am such a straight-shooter…rule maker…”fun-sucker” (the kid’s call me)…that it’s nice to see that one of us knows how to enjoy the most important time in our children’s lives. Getting down on their level…he does that great and for that, I admire him! I love you Jay! xoxo
I so appreciate that my husband is growing. He strives to improve himself often and with that he improves our lives as his family.
one thing I love most about my husband is that he has gone through a hard time with his walk with the Lord, and is real. And now seeking God more and what he wants for our lives.
And how he encourages in the Lord. How he knows that sometimes just a little candy bar is what I need. How he just wants me to grow in the Lord. He will pray with me when I hope and desire to go to retreat or conference. And how he loves our children and grandchildren.
My husband is supportive of me. Recently my Aunt found out she is terminally ill and she came home from the hospital and stayed with us. We are empty nesters so we have become set in our ways….if you know what I mean. When my aunt needed to be taken care of…..I called my husband and he said, ” I will support you in whatever decision you make”. This meant alot to me. My aunt is now staying with one of her sisters and I have to go over and help out some and run errands, etc and my husband is still “supporting” me. This “supporting” trait is a blessing from God, and to see it and feel it from my husband makes me love him more and I thank God for the way he has used situations in our life to grow us closer to him and to each other.
I’m so grateful my husband’s first instinct is to find something positive or something that he’s grateful for in this situation. Without sharing specifics to respect confidentiality, that has been incredible for me to see because there have been some tricky situations he has had to respond to in his life. I’m so grateful he looks at our Heavenly Father as the perfect example and Father for us. I love my sometimes “mismatched candlestick” husband!
I am so glad that I finally joined Prov 31 minitries. I love the daily devotionals and I see that I have missed Weight Loss Wednesday
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Thanks so much for reminding us to focus on the differences as a positive thing. I pray we will grow old together, cherishing one another’s differences.
Marcia
This devotion hit right on for me today. I would have sworn I was reading something I wrote. The being matched by dating service really made me laugh as my husband and I have said this several times before. However we are totally perfect for each other. His personality compliments mine in so many ways. I love my husband and appreciate what a patient and loving father and husband he is. I love that there is nothing I can ask of him that he won’t at least consider. Thank you for helping me to remember what an Awesome blessing God gave me when He chose my husband for me.
I love my husband’ creativity, and the little ways he shows me he loves me. One example … I have not pumped my own gas since we discovered I was pregnant with our first child 22 years ago. If he must be out of town for any reason, he will ask another friend to come and pump gas for me if needed.
My husband is selfless in how he takes care of me and our children. I just love him to pieces.
I was just joking with my husband last night that we should go on the show amazing race. His reply was that we couldn’t our marriage just wouldn’t last. My first response was why don’t you love me, am I not a good partner to you? His reply again was no we couldn’t do it. We are to different. I am competitive and you are to nice. There was more to the conversation. But he is right we are way to different and that is what makes our marriage work and it has worked well for 15 years in August. Loved the devotion. Thanks
There are so many things I love & admire about my husband. He is an encourager and uplifter! He is truly my best friend!
i am a worrier. it is a trait that has been handed down to me by my moms side of the family. my husband is exactly opposite of me. he tells me that i dont need to worry because God is in control of everything. i know this but i still worry. i admire the fact that he can so easily give things over to the Lord and LET IT GO. i dont do this quite as easily.
my husband and I will celebrate our 1 year anniversary this Valentines Day! In this short year of marriage I have been surprised by the areas where we are dissimilar (because we do have so much in common). One of the things that I love about my husband’s personality is his encouraging spirit, especially when I am stressed out and frustrated. He reminds me focus on my strengths not my weaknesses. And, like other ladies have noted, I love how our weaknesses and strengths compliment each other. I have a lot to learn from how laid back he can be. I also appreciate his passion for things that he believes strongly in, even if such things are unpopular!
Ahhhhhhhh. Do I EVER understand – and embody!!! – this one. Right now, it’s causing more problems than I like – and you’re right. I’m on my knees every day!
The one thing I’ve ALWAYS admired about my husband is that he is a TRUE seeker of the Truth. He’s not afraid to take apart his faith and examine each piece to see if it’s correct in the light of the Word. It’s truly amazing.
Thank you for the chance to win, Karen!
BE BLESSED!
I LOVE how my husband focuses on one activity at a time for a period of time and becomes an expert and enriches his expertise in that activity, like mountain biking, sport bike track riding, competition shooting, martial arts. I want to try SO MANY things that I usually start and never finish or become am expert because I want to move on to the next thing.
I appreciate my husbands way of looking at the details of everything and taking his time to smell the roses. I am the opposite of him in that way. I have a faster pace, a hurry up attitude and he has taught me the importance of slowing down, counting your blessings and I have made that a prayer of mine for 2010, to slow down, be a better listener and to count my blessings. Thank you for your candle stick story!
I love that my husband is a hard worker and a great listener! His job is stressful but he goes everyday so that I can stay home with the kids!! Thanks for today’s devotion!
I love how when I’m only thinking with my heart, my husband is thinking with his head and together we are a match made in heaven!
My husband is much like you said yours is by not panicking in emergencies. He was in the Navy and was on a nuclear submarine. He was a Chief Petty Officer. In times of an emergency on a sub, you cannot panic. You have to remain calm and be able to think clearly and know what to do. Well, he remains that way and he is so patient with me too. I suffer from migraine headaches and am not always a nice person when in pain but he is sweet, kind and loving to me and takes care of me when I am in bed sick. He is the epitome of a servant and I love him dearly. His Christlike qualities are more than I deserve in a mate. He loves the kids like that too. I am truly blessed.
I appreciate my husband for being almost the exact opposite than me in every way. God made us different in order to compliment each other, and I love that.
We have two beautiful daughters and love how we work together as a team in raising them. My husband knows what the teenage boys are thinking, I know what it is like to be a teenage girl. Together we are helping our girls navigate those wonderful teen years.
We are currently going through tough financial times but we stick together. We know each other’s strengths and weaknesses after 14 years of marriage and are able to discuss how to figure out where God is trying to lead us through this desert. I don’t know where I would be without him.
What a wonderful message! Like so many, I feel like my husband and I have very little in common. One of the things I really love and appreciate about him is his strong work ethic. While he loves to goof off as much as the next person, he doesn’t hesitate to put in long hours and get his hands dirty when it’s called for.
My husband is the steadiest person I know. He keeps his eye firmly on the goal and doesn’t get side-tracked with non-issues. We’ve been married 28 years and I love him more every day.
I appreciate that my husband makes time for me, even when he is super busy. When he leaves in the morning, he will tell me if there are any times during the day when he should not be interrupted (like scheduled meetings) but always adds that I can call anytime if I need to. When I do call him during the work day (generally, well nearly always) because of a problem on my end, he knows it’s me thanks to caller ID. But he always answers so calm and loving – even though he has to know after 13 years that my call means “HELP!” I have to admit that when I’m at work and someone calls me – I only feel interrupted and irritable!
This devotional reminded me of the movie Fireproof with the salt and pepper shaker. Each one completely different, yet both are needed to complete a dish. A perfect pair. One makes up for what the other lacks. My husband and I are that salt and pepper. He is the quiet one. I am the loud one. He is the patient one. I am the impulsive one. I am the one who dances, sings, and cries at church. He looks on and pats my shoulder (no longer embarrassed).
What I appreciate most about my husband of almost 9 months is that he makes me feel beautiful. Not that beauty is that important. But for someone who went from a size 7 to a size 22 in 2 months because I had to go on steroids for an autoimmune disease, my self-esteem was shot. I thought nobody would want me. But he did. We had just started dating when I went on the meds. He supported me the whole time and even though I am still overweight, every day he tells me I am the most beautiful woman in the world.
My husband is self-employed, he’s always running around with his head cut off. I’m the centered one, he knows when I start acting like him there’s something big happening. It seems like he takes me for granted sometimes, but when I really need him, his right there holding me up. My strength is his weakness, his strength is mine. Opposite all the way. Together a perfect match, just like GOD intended.
Well, I’m not married quite yet, but I do have a wonderful fiance. We are also vastly different, in about a zillion ways. But I really do love him! I think what I appreciate most about my fiance is his love of others. He’s always donating his time and energy at church–whether it be for youth group or the women’s ministry. This giving quality of his is one of the things that drew me to him. He’s thinking of doing youth ministry as a side-career after we get married, and I can’t wait to come along for the adventure!
I greatly appreciate my husband’s patience and longsuffering with me. If I were not married to a Christian man, I’m sure I would be divorced. I come with a lot of quarks which would drive most men insane but Scott stands by my side and tries to help me through my trials. I love him and I know that God brought us together.