Friendly, Not Fiesty Giveaway
Published October 6, 2010WEEKEND NOTE: I’ve decided to leave this post up until Monday to give more people a chance to comment and enter. In the mean time, if you desire to become a part of a group of ‘cyber sisters’ who will pray for me, let me bounce ideas off of you and generally brainstorm together over the Internet, send an email with the words CYBER SISTERS in the subject line to karen@proverbs31.org. Many of you have already done this. Thank you! Hang with me. The first group email should go out next week!
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Welcome to those of you who have popped over from the Encouragement for Today devotion I have running. Glad to have you! If you haven’t read it, you’ll need to click here to do so and catch up with the rest of us. Be sure to come back and enter the giveaway!
As promised, if you leave a comment on this post, you’ll be entered into the drawing for a family fun basket that includes:
~A signed copy of my book A Life That Says Welcome
~An Old-fashioned stove top “Jiffy Pop” popcorn
~A bag of caramels to make caramel apples together
~A $10 Target gift card to buy a family board or card game
~A set of cute notecards for you to write encouraging notes to your family and tuck them in their lunch pails, under their pillow or in their backpacks.
So….leave a comment on any aspect of my devotion. Do you find it easier to be feisty or friendly in your home? What are your temper triggers in your home? Any advice or Bible verses to share that have helped you?
You have until Friday morning to comment!
Friendly Blessings,
249 Responses to Friendly, Not Fiesty Giveaway
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Thanks! Today I will focus on friendly
I can be feisty (depends on the day). My temper triggers usually have to do with feeling ignored when asking for help.
Advice? I think that when I am filled with God’s love, spending time with Him in the morning and “setting my heart” to His voice, I do better…and have more to give…
We have a saying that we use with our children to get this point across. It is “Family gets the best, or no one gets the rest.” Basically, it means that if they are not being kind and respectful to their family members at home, they do not need to go out with their friends or to their outside activities.
However, I do tend to get bent out of shape and lose my temper when I am trying to clean and get the home ready for guests, and the children are making messes faster than I can clean it up. I think I will put that verse from the devotional on my refrigerator for a while. I need that reminder for myself.
Thanks!
I think too often others get our best behavior (friendly) while those we love get the frazzled fractions of our last nerve (fiesty). Ashamed, I admit to this in my home. Threats to harmony at our house include failure to complete household chores, not picking up after ourselves and leaving our dirty laundry out of the baskets. I have honestly prayed just this week for the Lord to give me more love and compassion for those He has entrusted to me as I face temper triggers at home.
Families are so busy with everybody is going their own direction; we need to re-establish the priority of time spent together as a family. This gift set would be a blessing for my family as well as many others. Thanks for being used by Him!
I’ve learned to be more friendly, although at my age, I’ve had my feisty times too. I try to remember how patient God has been with me and extend that to others I love.
This devotion really tugged at my heartstrings. I think that my not so friendly attitude is triggered from bearing the weight of the household. When things seem to be unorganized so are my feelings. Starting the day off with God definitely seems to level the upheaval. I am also reminded of discipline I have given my teenage daughter–taking her phone so that she can’t talk to others when she talks to me with a disrespectful tone. God is certainly speaking to me through my recent devotions on humility and guarding my tongue. God Bless You!
My husband was fussing at our children about something unimportant last night before bedtime and it really bothered me. Of course I think it bothered me so much because I could hear how I sound when I do it to them. It was certainly an eyeopener at how our hurtful words can make them feel so bad. I love what Amy said…“Family gets the best, or no one gets the rest.” I am going to start using that with myself and my kids. Thanks for a wonderful reminder.
I tend to be feisty rather than friendly. It’s not like i get up and determine that is what I am going to do but it just happened. The Lord has been dealing with me about it because for the better part of last week and up to today he has planted devotions dealing with my behaviour. My triggers are cleaning up after my son, trying to deal with unkind words from him.
I can do better when I pray to God and ask him for directions and to guard my heart. Please enter me in your draw. Would love to read your book which is not available in Jamaica.
As I began my quiet time this morning, I prayed that God would speak to me loud and clear as I read through my devotions and boy, did He! As I was reading your post, Karen, I felt like you had been inside my home for the last few days. I was actually a little embarassed for half of a second, thinking that you knew how I had been behaving. My younest son has some special needs that have really been driving my emotions to the edge lately, but today I I realized that maybe part of his behavior has to do with my reactions. I am going to really work on being “friendly” today and not “feisty.” I want to be a true blessing to all of the members of my family. While I realize that my little guys needs can be challenging, they really are a blessing. He teaches me so much ever day, just as you did this morning. So, thank you and know that what you wrote made a differance in someones life. Blessings to you!
I love your devotional today. It is so true in my life and I have many times been saddened by it, after I have behaved like a mean mama monster. The thing that worries me is that I see this same behavior in my young adult children, I am know that without realizing it I sent the message this behavior was OK. God has a sense of humor though, my middle daughter flits around really giving her heart to the Lord, and ministering and caring, loving all she comes in contact with, and then with me, she looses patience. Isn’t it wonderful the way God holds up that mirror in front of our faces and hearts? Thank you for the words of wisdom. I am so excited about the possibility of winning your book, I have wanted to read it for many months now.
I returned from a Woman’s Retreat weekend on Sunday having had a relaxing time with 50 women sharing the Word of our Lord. I walked in the door to what I viewed as a disaster. There were dishes in the sink, dirty socks on the floor, the towels had not been put in the wash,etc. I was so angry that I forgot everything I shared over the weekend and lost it.
Thank you for reminding me that my family of men (husband and two boys – 18 and 21) deserve my ‘outside self’ as much or more than those who are in my life but live outside our home.
I apologized to them as soon as I read your words.
Thank you and God’s blessings to you
Karen, your devotion really touched my heart. I have been a Mom for many years and I still need to be reminded about this. We as Moms set the mood for our whole household. We need to be patient and show unconditional love. That is why I need to spend time every day with my Lord to help me to do this. Thank you for your reminder of this…..
Oh…If I could let perfect love wash over a multitude of sins. I am a mother of 8…4 of which we adopted from Ukraine. I get tiered and sometimes don’t choose to love deeply. I want to dip into the shallow fountain of love, because that’s what I feel they deserve at that moment, but I know that they bloom and blossom when I lavish them with the love God has washed over me. When we see the person…the child…the husband…the friend and not the sin…when we honor someone above ourselves and truely love, only then can we give out of a sincere heart with compassion and love like Jesus. God help me…have more grace like you.
It seems that all my patience and kindness gets used up at work and by the time I get home the last thing I want to deal with are fussy, clingy children. My children and husband are often the recipients of the side effects of the stress from my day. I really needed to be reminded of how this affects them and their outlook on family.
Now maybe I will at least consider how my behavior affects them and stop and think before I speak.
I really enjoyed your devotion today. We are entertaining a group of teenagers, in our home, for Homecoming this weekend.
I am in the process of preparing a talk on Hospitality for our Apples of Gold Mentoring program at church.
I a cracking up because as I read your article and read the other moms repsonses, many that spoke to my heart…I realized that when I get frustrated at how my kids can completely tear up my house and undo all my good work…..a clean house is not important to them, it is to me. I take it as a personal attack when they do that because of what it means to me to have things in order, but what is important to them is a mom who loves them unconditionally. They are not bothered by the messes but they are bothered by my reactions. Need to find the balance and train them as one mom said but also to love them regardless.
Thanks for the post.
Heard a saying years ago – Treat your family like company and your company like family. It didn’t always work, however, when the kids were home. Now with empty nest, I’m grateful to have them come and the mess can be taken care of later. It isn’t an easy thing however we plan and pray, is it?
Karen,
I’m soooo guilty of this and I hate it. I knew I was this way before I read your devotion today but it just convicted me and reminded me of how I should not be. I hate that my tongue lashes out at my boys for silly things. Sometimes I can almost stand outside of myself and look at myself lashing out at them going “what in the world are you doing girl??”. I want to be the same mom when I’m home alone with my boys or in front of people or in public. I love my boys so much and prayed for the Lord to make me a wife and mother and He answered that prayer 12 years ago. I want to be a mom and wife that pleases Him. Thank you for this devotion today and I covet your prayers.
Thank You, Karen and those who shared comments. I love the verse from I Peter, especially the “WITHOUT GRUMBLING”. I am going to “borrow” Amy’s “Family gets the best, or no one gets the rest”. I am married, have 3 boys (the oldest being 4 1/2) and work full time. Unfortunately, my family does not get the best and every else does get the rest. When I am tired, frustrated and overwhelmed first my husband gets the worst then my kids get the leftovers. I know it should not be this way. Of all the sacrifices Jesus made for us, surely I can be kind and loving, friendly, to those I love the most. I will be praying, praying, praying! Lord, please help me to be friendly to my family. Please help me see them as you do, please let me not be easily angered and let me keep no record of wrongs. Please just let me love them the way you have loved me! Thank You Jesus!
It is true. It is easier to be kinder to those outside when they’ve made a mistake towards you the to your own family. Sometimes I let my temper get the best of me towards my family, especially when I don’t mean to. It is important to show love and hospitality first to my family and then to guests and to others. I remember reading one of my favorite books, “Gifted Hands” by Dr. Ben Carson. He recalls in the book that when he was around 7 or 8 in the 3rd grade, he had a terrible temper. He threatened to hit his mother one time with a hammer. One day, he actually had an experience with God one on one while reading the book of Proverbs, and he hasn’t had a temper since. That is the power of God, and I pray that God continues to work on me. This devotion was encouraging. Thanks Karen
I can be feisty and easily frustrated. I love to show hospitality, but I tend to pack my days and weeks to the point that I’m overwhelmed. It’s in these times that I blow up and say things I wish I could take back.
It’s very humbling to hear my kids say they would like me to yell less when frustrated, angry, overwhelmed. That was their response to “What would you change about your mom if you could?”
Through prayer and diligent effort I’m improving and having fewer, less violent episodes. I need to focus on treasuring and savoring the moments I have with my children instead of trying to get every task and requirement for the day done to perfection.
Thank you for your words of encouragement. On a day that could easily have so many triggers, you have given me a fresh focus on how my heart should be.
I have a tendency to fly off the handle when my husband doesn’t do the things I think he should to help out around the house…he does other things to help, but I don’t recognize those as quickly as I notice what he didn’t do. I’m trying to focus on the help that he does give me around the house, and he does it without complaining or grumbling. I thank the Lord for his calm demeanor, especially when mine is not!
Unfortunately, I can relate to your devotion – to the extreme.
I am very guilty of letting my temper boil over with my loved ones while maintaining my cool with others around me. I’ve tried many times to change this behavior on my own but now realize that this will only happen by turning to God. My biggest trigger is probably feeling not appreciated for the work I put into our home and our family. But, you know what? Jesus loved billions of people, who didn’t appreciate him, so much so that he gave his life for them. Without that love, I would have no hope for a future. Now, it is my turn to love my family the way that Jesus loved me.
Thank you Lord!
Wow, thanks for your devotion. I am so guilty of giving my family the worst part of me. It happens when I get overwhelmed with the messiness in my home and then as I am cleaning, there is a tornado undoing everything right behind me! Of course it is to be expected in a home with small children, so then, why is it so easy for me to get crabby? A crabby, yelling home is what I grew up in, and hated. I want to be different, I want my children to love their home, I want to be pleasing to the Lord. I need to keep pursuing righteousness through fresh encounters with God and His Word. Sometimes I feel frustrated with how long it is taking to root out the sin in me. Thank you for your encouragement to keep running the race as to get the prize.
Your devotional was wonderful and exactly what I needed to read this morning! There is nothing more important in my life than being a wife and mother, but sometimes my attitude and actions do not show that! Thank you for giving me something to think about! I will try harder to stop my mouth the next time I feel overwhelmed with life and HOPEFULLY find the humor in it!
My state of normal would be friendly, however this past year and a half has me struggling with feisty, furious, and a bit frightening, considering who I say I belong to. And the fact that I am snarly too often is frustrating to me. Not how I want to be. My triggers? Little things laying around that would take one second to pick up – all the clutter that just happens because we are too lazy to make the effort. Would love to read your book. It all starts in the mind and mine definitely needs adjustment. Thank you!
I, too, get extremely frustrated when my hard work is quickly undone (one of my pet peeves is the wrappers that individual cheese slices come in…they NEVER seem to make it to the wastebasket!)!
My “verse of the week” is Psalm 19:14; “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” When I think about making my words and actions acceptable to the Lord, I’m (USUALLY) able to make my words and actions kinder…or at least I take a few minutes to think harder about what I’m about to do or say.
Thanks for your devotions!
Goodness, that hit home. So true. Now that our kids are out of our home (loved your blog before this one on our little birds that have flown the nest and our attitude towards that situation) I am having a hard time with my recently retired darlin’ husband of 41 years. I think it is his tone that triggers something…he does not mean it that way and I should not take immediate offense–but I sometimes do…I’m working on it…Praying hard :0)
I commented over on Prov. 31 but cannot say enough how I need to watch my tongue at my house! I want to be an example of grace not hurtful, fiesty words!!
I WISH I could go back and re-do my children’s childhood. My angry words to them were never really about them at all but about my own hurt over my husband’s lack of help and involvement, our lateness over my own lack of organization and my own feeling I wasn’t measuring up. I WISH I could go back and tell myself I was doing the best I could; some things had to be let go or hire a housekeeper for; and that the wonderful feeling I had when I did have patience and love for my children and did and said things to them I wanted them to do and say was God telling me it was the right thing to do and when I “lost it” and felt such terrible remorse after, it was God telling me to get myself together, apologize and try again.
Guilty as charged. I am so patient and meek when it comes to those I met or know outside of my home, but can be a”she devil” as my husband has titled it inside the home. Disorganization, lack of communication and missing my morning quiet time are all things that feed my temper. Prayer and submission to God in all actions, words and thoughts is what I need to do instead of getting frustrated and lashing out at the ones I love most.
Thank YOU for bringing reality into check. I have been spinning my body with the same issues ~ floors and counters quickly sticky after leaving them for a few minutes. I became so physically tired that every nerve in my body screamed out and then my mouth flew and I flew into tears. I realized that IF I had “her” do the cleaning, perhaps she would be more respectful of the area cleaned. That worked for a week.
After my tears, I heard the scripture “Do it heartily as unto the Lord”…. “Forgive 70 time 7″ ….. So, I pray that I will turn my irritation into praise for Him and Who He is and I can more easily live with the messes that occur. That way, I feel I’m building character by example instead of crushing with my words. Thank You so much for the morning reminder. Blessings!
Oh, Karen, what a timely post today. I have been beating myself up because my temper keeps getting the best of me with my grandchildren. Most days I watch 5 if my 9 grandchildren while their parents work and go to school. They are all 3 years and younger. I love them beyond measure. But when they seem to not want to listen and keep fighting I lose it. I know this is not what I should be doing. They need my patience and love more than anything. They are not bad they are just chikdren. I keep praying about it but am still having a problem. Any help here would be more than welcome. Thank you so much and God bless you.
I really enjoied todays leason. I have been really short with my kids and husband about any an everything and it’s not nything that they did. I am just overloaded right now and thating it out on them. Your words helped me to stop.. step back before speaking and handle what ever it is with kind and soft words. God really blessed me with your words today. Thank you
Sounds great, thanks:)
Thanks so much for this devotion. Having just had my neighborhood sewing group over, I can totally relate. I will clean and clean and in minutes my family of 2, can undo everything.
I must admit, I am not too kind in my reaction.
What really hit me in your devotion today, was how you put
it into your child’s eyes. It breaks my heart to think that my
precious daughter might remember some of these outbursts
more than some of the “good” mommy times. I really need
to keep this in mind, that once past these lips, these words
can never really be taken back. It really gets exhausting constantly asking for God’s forgiveness for something that I
made a fuss about, and should not have.
Thanks again.
When my kids were younger I used to be quick tempered about everyday things, but now that they are mostly out of the house, I feel the atmosphere in our house is mostly friendly not because the kids aren’t home but because I realized not to sweat the small stuff. I learned what was more important. Spending time with my family not worrying how clean the house is.
What a great devotion, and one I really needed to hear. I often treat others better than I do the members of my family. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this subject. It is certainly something I have to work on!
I am now a Grandma who enjoys imparting her “babies” unconditional love without the responsibility of their day to day needs. As I read through the comments from all you mothers it takes me back to the days when I was a stay at home Mom, which meant I lived at work 24/7. And yes, there were many times I ‘lost it’ with my family for the messes and feelings of frustration thinking no one appreciated my efforts. These feelings were there even though I always said to them that home was their haven where they could leave the outside world behind and always know they were loved. Loved they were! But I sure did not show it all the time! If you have children in your home, there will be messes….remember Mothers, there is a difference between dirty and messy and your friends and family know the difference! You will never regret the time you spend with them so spend a moment in the morning to ask God for his coverage over your tongue and attitude as you send your family on their way. He will assuredly envelope you in his divine presence with graciousness toward those you love and treasure the most.
Recently after a conversation with my 14 year old son, I have been trying very hard to be friendly instead of fiesty. Thank you once again for the friendly reminder.
I just went to bed last night thinking that my husband and I seem angry when we speak all the time. Not just to each other but our children. He is without a job and so there is a horrible blame game going on under the surface. I am upset that he gets to spend so much time with our children while I work and he would love to be back at work and let me handle some of the responsibility of the kids. I want there to be Joy and Peace in our home and appreciate the post that helps me realize we are not alone and with God’s enduring love and grace we can be loving people.
Oh darn it, CONVICTION!!
This was the worst morning ever for me
I had a rotten morning and acted way too fiesty to my
kids & hubby!
I want to be more friendly!
Thanks for the poke/reminder!
Like some other posters, I give alot of myself at work and don’t have much left over to give my husband when I get home. I also need to learn more about hospitality. Partly due to my husband’s mental illness and partly due to laziness, I have not had anyone in our home for years. It is just easier to keep the world OUT.
God bless you and your ministry,
Jennifer
I think I can confidently say that my home is generally more friendly than feisty. This I know is the working of God in my life. He’s been working in this area in me for quite a while. For me it was a study on the Proverbs 31 woman I did many years ago. The part of the verse that says, “in her tongue is the law of kindness.” I wanted that. I wanted my tongue to be ruled by kindness. Also Ephesians 4:29, particularly the thought that my words should minister grace to the people who hear them. I’m not perfect. I still blow up at times and say things I shouldn’t. Unfortunately I say them to my husband even more than my kids. Probably because there is a part of me that thinks he should know better in whatever situation it is, so I just let loose when I should know better and keep my mouth shut. Thankfully God is a forgiving God and has given me forgiving people to live with as well.
Ok this one today…WOW!!!! It has made my face fall & I’m STILL trying to pick it back up & put it on. LOL!!
This one should be on the front page of EVERY newspaper in the Universe, it should be in every Woman’s/Mom’s magazine & Oprah should have you on her show to discuss it!!
Thank you for this powerful word today!!!!
Ouch… you have stepped on my toes! I struggle with this a lot and wonder how I can be so mean at home and turn around and be sweet as pie as soon as we leave the house and go in public! Glad I’m not the only one that struggles with this.
Thanks for a good word!
Awesome devotion today Karen!! Just what I needed. I know there are many times when I have tried to clean the house just to have the kids “make a mess” shortly after. I know I also can unleash my stress on them when they don’t deserve it. Thanks!!!
I really don’t want to be entered in this contest since I won this book…an awesome book!!! a couple weeks ago on She Cooks! I have come so far learning this lesson but last night i got feisty in public…handing out an “excuse me” and my mean mommy look to a teenage boy who attended my daughter’s game. His vulgar comment caught me off guard…my daughter was horrified…I didn’t sleep…we talked later in the evening and I apoligized to her. I confided with two ladies at work my sadness but yet I am unregretful. Both said some day my daughter will understand the lesson. When is feisty appropiate? She mentioned how often we hear the f-bomb in public and I walk away without comment. She has a point. Hoping for insight at later date. Thanks so much!!! Generally a happy household here!
I am a continual work in process on this issue. Why is it I allow my husband and son to push my buttons and yet, can be so controlled with others. Sin in me. My prayer is Psalm 141:3, Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips. Pause before I speak. Words can destroy or uplift. They cannot be taken back, once you spew them out.
Thanks for the reminder to guard our words as we set the tone at home and need to remember to extend lots of grace.
Blessings.
Struggling to figure out priorities with a full time job outside the home and a full time job inside the home as well…what a great reminder as to what comes first!
Thanks for the opportunity to win!
This devotion came at the perfect time, I tend to take my frustrations out on my family. I work with the public and there are several times that I will go home and just want some quiet time and that doesn’t always happen when I get home. So after reading your words, maybe I just need to pull into a park or somewhere before I go home and have some alone time with the Lord and Pray for patients and understanding with my family and enjoy the time that we have together. Thank you:))
So many times I have been in those shoes………The ones that just cleaned the house only to have the family undo it in a matter of seconds! And OH how I agree with what you said about hospitality starting at home! Thanks for the reminder.
This is my first time reading your blog and I really appreciate your insight. Each day I start out by praying that God will use me to be a servant to my family and those whose paths I cross and yet I think my attitude is much less gracious when it comes to my own family than say, someone standing in line at Starbucks! (so wrong) I enjoyed your blog and thank you for the encouragement today! 
Do you live inside the walls of my house? Today’s P31 email served as a much-needed reminder – again. Last week, Lysa Terkeurst had a devotional about the words that we speak – and I added verses and a quote to the back of my work journal as a reminder….but continue to need more practice and control of my tongue – especially with my family inside our house! Thanks!
Hi, I can’t get over how timely this message is. I will be honest, i was at the verge of calliing my husband and giving him some unkind words that I thought he deserved, but the holy spirit lead me to yr message and I have a new perspective. I desire my home to be peaceful (friendly), a home that my husband wants to come home to and be loved.
Thankyou so much for reminding me of the importance of being friendly, forgiveness and the danger of fiestyness. I am going to now call my husband and use kind words. I remember the words, as a Christian I am to speak life. James 3:12 Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yeild salt water and fresh.
It is therefore essential as a woman of God to let my words be seasoned with salt and not use my mouth to bless and curse. Thanks for Your Godly counsel, I no longer feel angry but I feel a peace come over me, and for this I give all honour and glory to God Almigty.
WOW!!! Were you in my house last night! Thanks for the encouraging words and a much needed reminder of an area of my life that desperately needs my attention!
My house is rather quiet these days with the children grown and on their own but there are still times that the “attitude” I have at home is far from the gracious one God wants me to have. While I fill my days with “ministry” to others and “mentoring” there are times when I don’t stop to refill the cup from the well of God’s grace and His word. It is on those days I need him the most to remind me of why I do what I do and for whom! Thankyou for sharing your book with us, a must for my nightstand!
Oh Karen, I have to admit that reading this made me cry. I am a mother of 2 (ages 2 and 4) and wife to a wonderful man. I struggle with letting my anger and frustration get the best of me. When it does I yell. After reading this today, I prayed and begged God to help me with this problem. I do not want my children to remember me yelling at them, but rather staying calm and helping them clean up the “spilled milk”. Thank you for sharing this today.
Thank you for your words! God bless your ministry
Wow…I had to cringe while reading this post because I saw myself several times in your words. My kids are grown and gone now, but oh, I have treated them terribly at times when they were here.
I think you’ve raised a very valid question and one that deserves further exploration – why DO I treat strangers nicer than my loved ones? Thank you for forcing me to do an “honesty check” with myself. I am SO thankful for Christ and the knowledge that even in my worst moments, He still loves me.
Karen, thank you for sharing your heart so openly. It’s a great gift to be able to touch the heart of others, and you definitely have that gift. I thank God for you. I am going to try and pray your simple prayer each morning:
Dear Lord, forgive me for the times I take out my temper on my family. I want instead to act like You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Pamela
Oh my does your devotional hit home with this mama today! I feel like I do what I do not wish to do leaving a trail of ugly behind. A verse I memorized long ago comes to mind – Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Perhaps I should plaster this on my bathroom mirror and refrigerator again for instant use when those ugly moments threaten to unleash. Between this verse, your devotional today, and Lysa’s wise advice recently of asking 3 questions before you speak ~ 1) Is it kind? 2) Is it necessary? 3) Is it true? ~ this mama needs some practice! Thank you for the timely reminder to be watchful of what pours from these lips.
The verse that has helped me is Proverbs 16:24. Gracious words are like a honeycomb sweetness to the soul and health to the body.I realized I needed to change after my son looked at me and said do you even love me? You are always yelling at me. That was a wake up call for me.
I wish it wasn’t so, but I find it much easier to be feisty than friendly at home. I think that it partly comes from a lack of feeling appreciated and too often feeling ignored. How many times should you have to tell people the same things? Too often there is a snowball effect too. One thing just leads to another. I really need to take a moment to breathe and pray. The 3rd child to do something “wrong” shouldn’t get the brunt of everything else!
Please enter me in your giveaway.
It sounds like many of us struggle with being a bit feisty at times. Thanks for the encouragement. You always seem to really nail it… but provide a giggle along with it.
I just read an email from my sister-in-law this morning, she responded to my email in which I sent a picture of my girls at a pumpkin patch, my girls are 6 and 9. My sister-in-law’s children are in college, out of college and applying to college. Her comment back to me was, “Those are the most wonderful years…enjoy that time.” She has been experiencing empty nest.
But this morning I was yelling at my girls as they fooled around while getting ready for school, grabbed my oldest out of the bathroom as she bothered her sister brushing her teeth and said unkind words to my husband as he watched TV as I prepared one to get on the bus. How appropriate were your words. I just don’t know how to keep my cool sometimes in the mist of a “storm” of activity, or just enjoy what is in front of me with “mom poise”. I will have to think and pray on this!
Oh how I can relate. Now that my girls are grown I still find it hard at times to keep my thoughts to myself. Now it’s my husband that gets to me at times. I’ve learned that talking to God instead of them seems to calm me so much and helps me cope with the hurt and disappointment I feel at times. It also keeps the conflict away and everyone getting along. I know sometimes that isn’t good either but I am one to avoid conflict at all costs. I hate arguing.
Yesterday was one of those days….the fiesty ones! Reading the P31 this morning helped me to remember the friendly days. I want friendly days not fiesty. I don’t like yelling at my kids. Thanks for the wake up call.
Oh how I wish your words did not strike a chord with me! This devotion was a great reminder for me to be careful not to save the best for those outside my family. Thanks for the encouragement.
Wow, thank you for the reminder. How often we treat the ones we love the most, the worst! Our sweet families deserve the best. Thanks for the reminder.
You are so right. Our homes need to be a safe haven for our family. I am have more room to grow, but I have been working on this very area of my life. I have two teenagers and I have been trying harder to keep our home more peaceful. Our kids experience stress just as much as we adults.
Wow, God is speaking to me today! I just read another blog about using self-control with my words. Could it be that He has heard my recent biting words to my 8-year-old? Thanks so much for reminding me to treat my family as I want to be treated–in a friendly manner!
Unbelieveable! You described me to a “T” and it’s something I’ve been working on with my counselor for several years…Yes, YEARS! I loooove my family and kids but at the end of the day, I don’t have lots of energy or will-power to be “nice”. I can control myself around other adults or when other adults are watching but at home, I let my guard down and forget it, sister! So, if you have practical tips, I’d love to hear them.
Thanks!
I laughed so hard when I read your devotional today because my best girlfriend and I were just having this conversation YESTERDAY! We were discussing serving/loving our children in the context of The Five Love Languages, and your exact scenario came up. I guess God’s trying to show us something! Thanks for the encouragement. I’d love to read your book!
Oh Dear, This has been on my heart for a long time. Definitely something that I am convicted about and needs to be changed in my own life. Thanks, just what I need to hear today!
Thank you for the devotion today. Exactly what I needed to hear!! So often I find myself getting frustrated with things just as you mentioned!! The reality is that the root of it is my own selfishness..as if to think because I cleaned up and got things looking nice that no one should dirty them. The other reality is that I should be THANKFUL I have a mess to clean and people to make the mess that love me very much. Thanks for sharing!!! What a blessing!!
Thank you for the encouragement, Karen. While i am surely not perfect, i think my words are much kinder around my kids because my husband’s are so harsh. He is a wonderful father, and we probably balance each other out: i explain things to the kids and Dad makes them get things done! I am probably more conscious of using kinder words because of the other yelling that goes on in the house. I need to pray for peace over my family no matter who is speaking.
I am friendly for the most part at home. Sometimes I think it may be too friendly. I wonder if too friendly can sometimes equal lazy or disrespect. Not overt disrespect but still . . .
So, did you listen in on my home yesterday? Feisty would be friendly compared to what I was yesterday. Great post. Thanks for the reminder!
Your devotion really hit home today. God has been working on my heart at home for a couple of weeks now. Thank you for the extra reminder to keep up the work.
Thanks for sharing that, why do we all treat those we love the most so rudely? Perhaps because we feel the most comfortable with them. I am so sorry for the times (numerous!) that I do that, and then my own children (who are now teens) follow my example, but also how often do they follow my good example, which is a blessing when they do! I need to remember the GRACE that Jesus shows us, that we are to exhibit to others! THANK YOU!
I definitely find it easier to be friendly with strangers, and boy, do I feel badly about how I sometimes react to my family! I think – no, I KNOW – that when I react badly it is a sign that I am overstressed about other things, in a hurry, thinking of myself. When I am in a “good place” I can hold it together, even when I am irritated. I want to treat my family like the treasures they are. I guess this is something I should start praying about – the ability to control my mouth.
You sounded just like me a few years ago. All I can say is “I wish I could have been a gramma first!” Spending time with the family is far more important than a spotless house. My grown daughter laughs with and at me when I say, “it’s okay, I’ll get to it after you are all gone home…” Because I used to be a Martha — following you around with dust cloth and broom – keeping it clean! :0) The one verse that comes to mind is one my mom had us quote quite often – whatever you do – do it for the glory of God —
Patricia Grable
patricia.grable@wsdtx.org
Good devotion today. I can so relate, to feeling feisty when I come home after work and my husband who works a different shift hasn’t unloaded the dishwasher or washed pots and pans he’s used, etc. I work full-time, and although we don’t have children at home anymore, I tend to blame my tiredness and irritability (many days not just at home but at work too) on feeling bad because of hip arthritis I am struggling with. So I think sometimes I am ‘justified’ to be snappy with a co-worker or a client or my husband, because I am in pain. But it should not be so. “Let no unwholesome word proceed out of my mouth….” etc. I pray daily that Jesus shines His light through me and draws others to me by how I am friendly and kind to them and by the gracious words I speak. Thank you, Karen, for the beautiful reminder!
When my daughter was in the 16-18 age range she went crazy. I did not recognize this girl. We had been so close then bamm. I was floored by the hateful, lying, arrogant, obnoxious young woman and fiesty would be an understatement for who I became in those 2 years. I have many regrets for that time period. I did not handle it in the “friendly” manner at all. Things were said that still regret…3 years later. My daughter had a child of her own this year and at 20 will tell people how horrible she was to me. I’ve appologized for the things I said, but stuggle more with forgiving myself. I let her push my buttons. Why is it so easy to “loose” it with our loved ones? Thanks for what you do Karen.
You have me, and I catch myself unfortunately its usually after the words have flown. My prayer lately is to patient with those around me. I can’t change their actions so I have asked God to change my attitude towards those actions to one of love.
Yep! I have felt this way, too. And I have questioned myself and others as to why we treat “strangers” kinder than our own family. I try to keep this in my thoughts and I do pray for strength to use kind words to my family. I have failed, but I have become more aware, therefore lessening the frequency. Thank you for a great blog.
I am fiesty with my children at times I should not be. I am trying to show them a good christian mama attitude…not very successfully some days I’m afraid.
Raising four childen all within five years of each and trying to maintain a picture perfect home & garden, I know words echoed through the halls of our home that were not becoming of a Jesus loving mama. It took me getting to a breaking point to realize my home and my garden would be there long after my children left and I wanted their memories to be of a mom who filled their home with love and not necessarily the smell of lemon cleaning products. This isn’t to say if they leave a glass on the counter too long it won’t end up back in the cupboard by the time they return to the room…some habits are a little harder to break! Thank you for reminding me of the importance of kind words over clean house.
You must’ve been that fly on the wall in our house this weekend, starting with getting out of the house for church on Sunday! I stuggle with this very thing and I want off of the roller coaster! Thank you for the reminder I’m not alone and the kick in the pants to be intentional in keeping our home the haven it should be.
First of all, thank you for sending me to Proverbs 31 Ministries and to the current devotion, which is by you. I took the time to read a few of the past posted devotions and I’m liking them.
Now, on to what you requested for the comment. I’d like to think that I’m more friendly than fiesty. My husband and i get along very well and we rarely fight or argue. We are very helpful towards one another.
However, there are times when I am utterly frustrated and I take it out on him. I often feel guilty and try to make amends afterwards.
“now go and be friendly in your homes” is my new motto at the moment. It’s isn’t easy at times when I am utterly frustrated. But, hopefully, I’ll remember this. So, thank you.
Just last night I was reminded of how the impact of unkind words or even a momentary lapse of impatient can have a lasting impact. Dear God help me to treat my family the way that you treat me. Forgive me for impatience and give me Your heart towards others.
Thank you so much for this blog. It really spoke to my heart and is something that I’ve been struggling with lately. I pray that I will strive to treating those that I love with respect and to be patient when I really want to just lash out on them.
Ouch! How many times have I held myself together out in public, and let myself go at home. I confess that sometimes I treat my children’s questions as interruptions. I don’t think I realized that until now.
Oh, that devotion was needed – I think you were at my house as well! Thanks for the timely reminder.
Oh my. I cannot even count the number of times this has happened to me. Thank you for the reminder to be friendly…even with our families….Blessings
Wow! This devotion hit home with me today. This has happened so many times to me and I often do not react in the way Christ would want me to. I would love to read your book! Thanks for the timely advice.
What a great post!! It’s so true–we’re nicer and more tolerant to strangers than to our most cherished loved ones!!
Thanks for the reminder!
I have read your book, and even done a talk for our little mom’s group on hospitality, but I have yet to master the task of always being hospitable to my own family. But with God’s help, I will continue to try.
What a gentle reminder! How hard it is to be friendly and to treat our family as guests . . . I have to keep reminding myself – how would I treat Jesus if He were here? And in fact He is – I need to remember that!! Thanks again for reminding us.
“Live generously and graciously towards others, the way that God lives towards you” (Mathew 1:48 The Message) OUCH!!
I actually have this written on a huge chalkboard in my kitchen to remind me!
I spent the day with a girlfriend helping her get redo ideas for her house…after reading todays devo I think I’ll forward it to her so we can “encourage one another” to keep things in perspective! Redo our homes and our hearts!!
I’m more friendly than feisty, although now that I’m in the empty nest, I can’t say that I miss the days when my daughter was at home…the wet towels in the bathroom floor, not being able to find my hairdryer, and wading through her messy bedroom. Those days went by too fast and now I am encouraging her to enjoy each moment as she works full time and takes care of her hubby and beautiful 2-year old daughter.
I’m in the same boat as Terry. I’ve just become an empty nester. BUT I was the feisty one. It happened again the other day when we were out as a family. I blew up for no apparent reason. Sunday mornings were another matter. Thank you for reminding me again that love begins at home.
God Bless!