Weekend Giveaway :-)
Published October 29, 2010NOTE: Be sure to read to the end. Can you can say “giveaway’? I knew you could!
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If you have not been with us this past week, we’ve been looking at circles and plates and and juggling relationships & responsibilities.
In a word?
Priorities.
Everywhere I meander, I encounter worn out women.
We just don’t seem to have enough day left at the end of our activities and responsibilities; we voice our priorities one way, then turn around and live our lives as if they were actually in reverse order sometimes.
I suggested doing the little “circle” activity to give yourself a picture of who and what is getting the biggest chunks of your precious time. I know my finished product made me stressed just looking at it!!
And I know better!!! I have entire talks and chapters devoted to avoiding over-committment. So what is the dealio?
Why do I (and many of you) over-commit and spin too many plates or run in too many circles?
I can think of 5 reasons: (I know there are more!)
~ We women have what I call “the curse of capability”.
We are capable. We are resourceful. We are able to multi-task. We are creative. We can trouble shoot. So, when asked to take on another outside responsibility, we think, “Why I’m capable of that!”
Then, we say yes. Pretty soon, our piles of “yeses” threaten to bury us down deeper than the Chilean miners.
~Next, we don’t want to say no out of fear.
Fear of not being liked. Fear of hurting someone’s feelings. Fear of behind-the-back chit chat, “I don’t know why she won’t do this. After all, she has way more time on her hands than me!” Fear of adding stress to the person asking you to do the job, ’cause if you say “no”, they need to find someone else. Fear of rejection.
Fear stinks!
~ Then there is this reason:we under-estimate the time and BRAIN SPACE it will take to do the task!
Tasks like “Be in charge of ABC” or “Organize XYZ” are the ones that get me most! While a task with a specific time frame is measurable (work the concession stand at baseball on Tuesday night from 6:30-8:00) these “be in chrage of” and “organize” ones are not. When we under-estimate the time involved AND the brain space it will take up knowing we now wear another ‘hat’, we take on waaaaaaaay too much!
~We are filling too much of our time with tasks in our “red” or “yellow” light areas.
Twenty-four years ago when Todd & I married and began in ministry (he was a youth pastor then) he took a FABULOUS in-depth assessment test that measured his effectiveness by discovering what were his “green light” areas–those areas you are most effective in due to your personality wiring. It also showed the “yellow” areas. These were tasks you could do, but they weren’t your strongest suit. The “red” areas were those duties that just plumb stressed you out because they were in direct conflict with the way God wired you. They cause you grief and dread because they are , in essence, “just not your thing”!
Guess where MANY of us operate? Yep. We are filling our time with yellow and red light areas. These areas sap us. Green areas energize us! (If you want to know more, I was THRILLED to see that Richard Hagstrom, the man who developed this over 30 years ago is still around. I found him here.)
~ And, the final reason? We speak before we check.
We don’t check our calendars. We don’t check our other commitments scheduled for the same time. We don’t check with our spouses or check with our kids. And, here’s the kicker, we don’t consult our Creator asking Him if we are called to the task. Not CAPABLE of the task, but called!
So, what’s a gal to do? Well, we’ll chat about that next week.
For now, I thought I’d offer a fun little giveaway crafted around some of the topics we’ve been discussing here. So, here is what is included:
~A copy of God’s Purpose for Every Woman. Our compilation book of devotions from Proverbs 31. This will help you in your relationship with God.
~A note pad with the verse “I can do all things through Him” Philippians 4:13 for you to jot your tasks down.
Then, for a little “me” (or as I call it “re”) time:
~Two Land O’ Lakes flavored hot cocoas, one in French Vanilla and one in Tiramasu.
~A large Godiva dark chocolate with orange candy bar.
~A box of Calgon English Garden bubble bath. (Take me away!)
~Finally, for the reality of life, a set of thin cotton dish towels for Thanksgiving embellished with a Cornucopia. You’ll be drying those dishes in style!
Okay—so, to be entered in the drawing for this giveaway, leave a comment on today’s topic. Which of these reasons do you think reflect you? What other reasons are there for letting your plate get too full? Or, if time is tight, just say “I’m in!”
Winner will be announced Monday!
Blessings,
77 Responses to Weekend Giveaway :-)
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Karen,
Your topic this week about over extending ourselves have been so insightful. My biggest problem is saying no, because of fear. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or I am afraid someone won’t like me as much if I say no. This year I decided to put my priorities in order. I actually have said no to some projects that I knew just were not my expertise (my red zone). It is very freeing to say no to things like that and actually do the things that energize me.
Hi Karen
i was so interested in your blogs this week – there are some days when everybody needs to be in a different direction, all at the same time!
i am wondering if guilt can factor in with the fear of saying “no”? As in, “I didn’t help with the last fundraiser, so I should with this….” I have found that I can say “No” but I feel guilty about doing so.
Thank you for sharing with us, and allowing us to share with you.
Your posts this week were very interesting. I think the under-estimating how much brain power and time something is going to actually take is my biggest pitfall. I always think I can do more, More, MORE! Blessings.
I have read with interest the blogs this week…and haven’t commented, because the thought and time commitment was more time than I chose to take! I am the queen of overcommitment. I have learned, over the past few years, to say no and I don’t do nearly what I did. But I still can’t seem to get it all done, it is frustrating. I guess I have things peeled down to what is important to ME. But perhaps not what is important to God…I am definitely the Martha in the story of Mary and Martha…but I want to change. Thanks for the thoughts and help!
Capability and Fear get me every time… I also somehow believe that I function better when I’m busy so I like to stay busy. Then I get frustrated b/c I’m so busy and wind up not being able to do anything well… vicious cycle.
Fear, fear and fear. Although all of them probably apply to me in some form, I think fear is my biggest issue. I am afraid of failure. That fear becomes part of nearly everything when I don’t keep it in check…and over-extending is one of the places hardest to keep it in check.
i am just finishing a season of total over-commitment. i spoke too soon that i would co-chair an event and i paid for it. i did not consult with my husband, my calendar or my Creator. I am slowly learning to tell people i will get back to them when asked to do just about anything. looking forward to hearing what to do when you find yourself with an overflowing plate
Fear and capability get me. I’ll just add a bit to the fear thing. Sometimes I know that I’m called to something but not right now. It’s a fun work and I’m afraid if I say no, I’ll never get another chance to do it. Of course, if I’m truly called, God will give me another opportunity but it’s hard to remember that in the midst of the decision.
I’m not overcomitted but I have trouble being organized with what i do have to do. I don’t get a lot accomplished because I tend to skip from one thing to another. And I avoid certain tasks. Thank you for all the encouragement we get each week from you.
I made my list of ccommitments, relationships (18 of them) but did not do the circles. Yet. But I did realize that I avoid the homemaking stuff as much as I can and I like to add things that make me feel good – about my abilities, about serving God and others. I thought I left insecurities behind Years Ago, but I guess not. Having a tangible, short term result accomplishment that combats a low self esteem – those are probably biggest reasons for overloading the plates. Great series of blogs – thanks!
Karen,
I have really enjoyed your post this week. I have had a very stressful week. Sometimes our plates get to full because we do not plan time in our schedule for the unexpected. I don’t always plan on some projects taking as long as they do.
I definitely have the capability curse. I know I can get it done, even if it means overwhelming my emotions and family life.
When asked to help in some way I say yes because I’m afraid of hurting someone’s feelings. Besides it makes me feel good about myself to know that I’m able to do something to help someone.
Oh my goodness Karen – I fall into all five categories of why we say yes when we shouldn’t! But the one that most resonates with me is fear. I am a people pleaser and I don’t want to disappoint anyone. I have been trying to cut back on things on the schedule and I believe my family is happier because of that. The siren song of “good things” to be done still calls – but I am trying to resist. Love the reminder to stop and ask if we are being called, not just capable. Can’t wait to see where you with this topic next week! God Bless!
Can I say ‘all of the above’? I can’t pick just one…
Wendy and Donna have spoken my thoughts! I love to be busy with things I like and tend to put off the “must dos” til the last minute. I will have to work on that with God’s help!! Thank you for the reminder that the majority of our time should be in communion with him not necessarily for him!!
All the above; mainly fear.
Karen,
I have been feeling pretty good these days, I think that it may be because of the age my sons; being able to leave them on their own to go away to a Bible Study, they fix themselves a meal (sometimes cereal) if we are not on the same schedule. I find myself ALWAYS living by my calendar to keep track of everyone but I have for the first time in awhile do not feel like their is TOO much on my plate. Now, this is how I feel right now at this moment but you know, anything can happen to change it all and my list of priorities will have to change but for now, I am feeling God’s blessings for this feeling of peace with a busy schedule
Trisha
I think putting myself in these red light situations is my biggest problem. Most of my red lights other think I am really good at, but they stress me sooo much.
You giveaway looks great. The Calgon interests me the most right now! Do you know how long it has been since I actually took a tub bath?
Have a great weekend!
I think for me it’s the not checking one. I have put myself into places I’m not supposed to be–even good places but not for me–simply because I didn’t check first.
I say “yes” because I want to please. I want to be liked and look as though I have it all together.
Wow – this was a convicting post…which one is me? 1,2, and 3. Brain space is definately an issue for me!! hehe! I just got back from the Relevant Blogging Conference and it was there that God convicted me of how much brain space my blog takes from me.
While it is a ministry…it does take brain space! So I came home, told my husband my convictions and took action. I’m going to take a Sabbath rest from my computer on Sundays, I’m putting my computer “to sleep” or down for a nap at certain times through out the day and I must admit – it feels good!
Thanks for speaking truth into my life!
Courtney
Capability and Fear are the two biggest issues for me. God has me in a season of rest right now, and sometimes I’m finding it difficult to say “no” to things because I do have the time. I’m learning to pause, pray, and then answer based on what I feel the Lord is telling me to do about the situation.
I think that I mis-manage some of my time and then feel guilty…I often feel like I should be like someone else (so maybe red-light, green light) is a problem too…The brain-space problem is that I schedule too many things on my “to-do” list in a day…way over-estimating what I can get done.
Whew..I’m tired just thinking about it!
Time to give my schedule/talents/etc. to God and ask Him how He wants me to deal with it (not comparing to anyone else)…
Thanks for the “heads up”!…
OK Guilty, Hi Karen I find myself experiencing all of the above but most often I find myself under estimating the brain space and time needed to complete a task. The reason for this I believe is because I am multi-tasking and trying to do so many things for the kids and my husband and my in-laws and my mom that if I had only one or two tasks to complete it wouldn’t take so long but the next thing “to do” is thrown in with 6 others that I want to complete and complete well! Oh boy, time to get off the train and slow down! Thanks for your insight!
Blessings, Karen G.
I’m like most of these sweet sisters in Christ-capability and fear. Both for me are issues of pride. Thanks, Karen, for letting me, through your words, see.
I agree with the premise that as women, we multi-task to a FAULT!! I have watched all of my friends with kids a little older than ours engage in too many activities, and now I see it happening to me. My husband gets the short end – not enough time together for us! Yet I know the best gift our we can give our kids is a strong marriage. It’s like we know what needs to be done, but we can’t get off the treadmill to make it happen!
I was encouraged by your words to know it’s not just me that feels this way!!
Blessings and thanks for your devotions!
I know for me I just want to help out where ever I can. And I am slowly finding out that I don’t always have to volunteer where there’s a need and I am learning sometimes that is best, especially when it is not somewhere that I would be helpful. Kind of like that cool personality assessment you just mentioned. I really want to take that test!
For me it’s guilt. I feel bad saying no because the person usually asking gets stuck with the task then.
Can’t Wait for the discussions next week!
I often want to say yes because I am flattered someone thought enough of me to ask. They thought I could handle it and handle it well or they wouldn’t have asked, right? Guess I need to get over that:)
I can definitely relate to #1. I sense I’m capable, and just enjoy doing so many things…I easily say yes. The Lord has really been growing me in this area, I gently removed myself from some school committees, have been saying NO to some good things, and have built more DOWN time into my week. It’s a journey…but I am growing (Praise the Lord)!!
Thanks for your awesome post!!
Blessings to you~
Cindy
For me, I am sad to say that I often volunteer for things that I may not have time for because I want to be important. When I am at an event and everyone has to ask me how, where, why, what, and when, I feel important and valuable.
Being shy, this used to help me to meet people and be involved but it has warped into this twisted thing of self importance. Yikes!!
I am guilty of all of these, but especially I commit out of guilt, since I want to be liked, and I know the stress of trying to find helpers! Plus, as a stay at home mom, I feel like I should have the time to help more, but with 4 kiddos and a husband with a crazy schedule, it is difficult.
I agree with Jennifer Renee – I like to be helpful, and if I can do it, then I agree – and later realize what I’ve gotten myself in to!
Guilty, guilty, guilty. I would say all of these are a factor for me, but the biggest is fear and not checking.
For me, I’m afraid to say no and combine that with the guilt factor.
I’m absolutely in the “curse of capability” category (but I have a little of the others, as well). I often things that if I can, then I should. Or that I “have to.” That “have to” can sometimes take out the “cheerful” part of giving.
Great posts this week. Thank you for discussing this topic.
Definitely capability and fear….struggling but trying to rely on God’s guidance.
I’m in!
I’m in! That assessment test sounds like a good idea.
I am big on underestimating time in many of my endeavors. If we are getting ready to leave the house as a family, I try to fit in one more chore or part of chore (less to do when I get home). I am not always the last one out the door, but sometimes I am because of the reason above and I am trying not to waste time. The assessment will be good to investigate and receive feedback.
I don’t have a fear of saying No, and do so plenty of times. However, there are SO MANY good things out there to do … and I’m capable … and I like doing a variety of volunteer activities … so I say Yes. And then, a few weeks later my plate is too full, I’m a bit (or a lot) crabby, and the laundry is piling up again. So I try to discern where God is calling me to serve / to say yes. And sometimes I hear Him clearly … and other times I just say Yes!
I struggle with the “curse of capability.” The trouble is, when I load myself up too much, I’m not really capable of doing anything very well!
I quit a very well paying job because that was what the Lord prompted me to do…now I call myself a SAHC…stay at home Christian…and if you don’t “work”…you get called on….A LOT….’cause people think you now have nothing to do!!! Thanks for the precious give-a-way!
I would say the first four reasons are my culprits – but only becasue lately I have been consulting the calendar, my family, and God before commiting. I want to go to that website and do the exercise – WHEN I HAVE TIME! LOL I have been sensing that I need to really examine my priorities, my gifts, and where I am energized instead of drained, and focus on those things. Basically, if an opportunity comes up, compare it to my areas, and this should make it easier to decide. Thanks for sharing!
I am sure you all have heard the saying, “If you want something done, ask a busy woman to do it” – or something like that anyhow. Every opportunity to serve sounds so good, so rewarding; what if I miss out. Then I find I am drowning in over commitment and I am missing out. Missing out on having relaxing time with my family, missing out on enjoying the activities I choose to do (too many!). I guess the key is learning to discern what are the right choices and also learning to say NO without the guilt….
Yes, yes, and yes! I do all these things! I realize it all boils down to not wanting to let anyone down even though I usually let myself down in the process. Thanks for these posts- it’s opened up a lot of junk in my trunk, so to speak…
There was a time when I was running around like crazy – sports, homeschooling, church, etc. But, I’m an empty nester now and don’t have the pressures I once had. I enjoy spending time with my adult children and my precious grandbaby. I recognize that God’s favor has rested upon me. Your day is coming…..(I still would love to have all the goodies in the giveaway!)
Count me in. At our church each spring we have a job fair where you can no longer do a job without guilt and try to find one that better fits your shape. I think that really helps in taking on too much at church. The family and children stuff is hard to say…….we try to be supermom and that is always a sure way to fail or be stressed out.
I have the fear of saying no.
Being a SAHM, people look to you as if you have a lot of time on your hands. at the time you think you can do the task but in the end realize that it doesn’t fit in with your schedule of home-schooling or drop off/pick ups of all your children and their activities.
I have fear of not being liked when I speak my mind I am a counselor and my patients don’t like what I make a suggestion. I can take it very personally and it hurts my feelings. I am so senitive and then I get told by someone wiser then me is that it is not about me at all, usually it is about them.
I’m in. Like so many others, I need help. God bless you.
I think for me it’s peer pressure and not listening to God. I take on too much even church activities for fear of what others might think instead of taking it to God first (checking in with Him and what He wants to fill up my calendar with). Just when I think I’m good at setting those boundaries, I’m side-swiped and amazed at myself that there I go again, getting caught off-guard. Then, I stop, regroup and start again, saying God help. Thanks for such a great reminder that God needs to be in control of our calendar not me, not my friends, not my church, no one but the Master time maker.
I say “yes” to too much because I see the good in the activity and want to be a part of it – oftentimes, forgetting that I’m to focus on what is MOST EXCELLENT and not just what is good.
Mine is definitely not evaluating the “brain space” a task will take. I am a planner to a fault and so when I “organize” something it doesn’t just take the task time but also the planning time which ends up being double or triple what I imagined it would be. I also don’t evaluate my red & yellow areas very well. Since I took my year long sabbatical I have been doing better in both areas. I have been very careful to look at the time involved (realistically) and to check if it is where my gifts lie. I want to be energized by what I am doing not depleted!!
These past two years I have been on the cancer journey, so I have had to “sit on the couch” alot and miss the juggling of the circles…now as I plan my reentry into the race of life, I am praying purpose and trying to let God draw the circles He wants me to spin with…
Fear of–so many things. I am really working on this. But have been hurt many times by someone who talks behind my back when I don’t do things the way they think I should be doing them. They get upset if you say you want to pray about it before you give an answer.
So many fears but things are getting better, since I have realized the only one I have to please is the Lord Himself.
For too long, I let fear compel me to say, “Yes!” when my heart was screaming, “No!” Fear of upsetting someone, inconveniencing someone, letting someone down, fear of the task not getting done without me… All of these motivated me into good works for all the wrong reasons and propelled me into many stressful times. Lately, I have become focused on listening to the Holy Spirit’s prompting on issues and activities. I have found that He usually speaks pretty quickly, and, when I do commit to things, I have confidence that I can accomplish them in the Lord’s strength because they were a part of His will.
Can I say all of them! Honestly, I think it is probably not realizing the time and brain space something might take.
Karen, my area is “brain space”…hands down! Thank you for all you do.
Blessings, Caroline
I’m in!
I related to the “oraganize this or lead that” part of your post. So true! I would love to know more about the test your husband had to take.
I think my problem is being capabile and underestimating the time the task takes.
Thanks for the giveaway.
ABreading4fun [at] gmail [dot] com
I overcommit because I enjoy being productive,helping others and just loving……but sometimesioverstretch myself and end up frustrated and in tears…..
thanks for this wonderful giveaway…i’m in
I think I under-estimate the time of something. But, really a lot of it is centering life around our kids…sports, practice, games, church, confirmation, homework, friends… After that, there’s just not much time except for meals, laundry, cleaning, if that. It’s what we choose, but sometimes it’s crazy.
“We speak before we check” too true.
You could put me down for all of the above
I do it because I’m capable and because I love to help people out. That makes me feel good, like I’m worth something. Then it makes me feel bad to say no to someone. Sooo glad you included a link to that test you were talking about — I was fixing to email you to ask about it 
I’m in!
I often operate in my yellow and red zones and wonder why I don’t bless others or feel blessed. Still wonder why I feel so odd saying I’ll pray about committing to do something, even at church!
I recently took a “stay at home” job that would pay good for a measly 5 hours/week work. Sounds heavenly right? A way to bring in extra income without ever leaving the house. Then I realized that 5 hours became more like 40! I was mentally spending more time focusing on doing the job perfect, juggling everyones schedule around this “measly 5 hours” and dealing with the guilt of not being able to put my family first anymore. Needless to say, I quit. I learned that things I say “yes” to have to be carefully weighed as to how much mental stress I will be under. Mental “attendance” is just as important as Physical “attendance” to both my family and myself!
I think I mostly take on too much because of not checking my calendar first and because of not realizing the amount of time and energy a task will take. Last summer I was asked to teach a dance class for a week at an art camp. It was for 2-5th grade girls and we had to perform at the end of the week. At first I thought it would be no big deal but the closer it came, the more stressed I became. It took a ton of time to prepare and it was on my mind constantly. By the time the first class was over, I was exhausted and we still had the rest of the week to go. By the way, I’m a music teacher, not a dance teacher and the only dance experience I have had was a summer ballet class as a 3rd grader and some dance in gymnastics. So it probably was a yellow/red light thing too! The kids did a super job and one of the most important things I learned that week was that it’s not about me! I was worried about what people would think of me instead of focusing on making sure the kids in my class had a positive experience. So I guess even in stressful situations, we can learn something positive!
Rebecca Ann
I’m in and way to busy to properly comment, but I’m so blessed by haven taken the time to read this. (As I always am with your writing. I am more convicted than ever to bring God into my ‘yes’ or no’ answers. Thank you Karen!
I’m in.
I’m in!
I’m in
I’m in!