Grace for the Good Girl Giveaway with Emily Freeman
Published August 29, 2011Congrats to the winners from the weekend’s post!
Cindy (comment left 8/25 at 2:12 pm with a recipe for blackberry cobbler) wins the signed copy of A Life That Says Welcome & the winner of the Fresh & Fruity package is Debbie Genua. Ladies, send your home address (along with what it is you won) to my assistant at Kim@proverbs31.org. (Yes! I now have an assistant and I can’t wait for you to meet her very soon!)
I love meeting new people. Whether it is through this site, at a conference or retreat or even while out running errands around my small town, I love making new friends.
One of my favorite new friends (whom I met at our our She Speaks conference a few years back when we sat together at lunch) just wrote her first book. My copy currently migrates from my night stand to my tote bag to my back deck as I try to get it finished. (Ever wish you could push ‘pause’ on life so you could finish a book without stopping?) Anyway, you will LOVE Grace for the Good Girl; Letting Go of the Try Hard Life. It is FABULOUS! (and is the reason my dishes currently sit unwashed and in a pile!) I relate too well to living the ‘try-hard’ life. This book brings freedom from its clutch.
Be sure to enter below for your chance to win a copy of this book & a Starbucks gift card to go along with it. But right now, meet my friend and author Emily Freeman!
Emily is a writer, speaker, and listener. She writes almost daily on her blog Chatting at the Sky, is a monthly contributor for the blog (in)courage by DaySpring, and recently traveled as a blogger for Compassion International to raise awareness for children living in poverty in the Philippines. She lives in North Carolina with her youth pastor husband, their three young children, and their crazy dog, Finn. Grace for the Good Girl (Revell) is her first book.
Emily, you were a blogger before you published this first book, Grace for the Good Girl. How did you start blogging?
I wrote privately all my life, but started blogging in January 2006. My twin girls were two at the time and I realized in the years since I had kids, I hadn’t made writing a priority. So I started a blog called Chatting at the Sky and wrote about once a month. It was ridiculously inconsistent, but it was a start. I knew I loved writing small observations of life and learning and so the blog became a place to house those things.
What prompted you to write a book?
During late summer 2008, I sat with a group of high school girls and as I listened to them talk, I realized how very familiar their lives were to my life growing up. They were the good girls, the girls who never got into any trouble, the girls who wanted to do life right, please their parents, please God. But under their sweet smiles, I noticed something else: these girls were tired, worried, and anxious. I thought about them and then about me, and I realized girls like us need Jesus just as much as the girls who are blatantly rebellious and rule-breaking – but our need isn’t as obvious because we are the good girls. A seed of an idea to write a book about that was planted that day and grew over time.
The subtitle of the book is “letting go of the try-hard life”. What is the “try-hard life” and why are so many women caught up in it?
When people first accept Jesus, we tell them ‘There is nothing you can do to earn salvation! Just believe!’ And we believe it at the beginning. But then, after a few years of living, they come to us and say ‘This life is hard and I can’t do it’. And instead of pushing them back to faith, we push them into activity. We forget Colossians 2:6: “So then, just as you have received the Messiah Jesus the Lord, continue to live dependent on him.” (ISV)
The try-hard life encompasses all those ways we try to make life work out of our own strength. When Jesus invites those who are weary and heavy-laden to come and find rest, I believe he meant it. But good girls often feel responsible to be strong, and we subconsciously think that concept of coming to him and finding rest is just for all those people who can’t handle the pressure – not for us.
The try-hard life shows itself in the way we say ‘I’m fine!’ when we’re asked how we’re doing. It shows up when we work hard to please God rather than risk trusting him. It’s when we believe we have to perform to gain acceptance from others, from God, and even from ourselves. So many women are caught up in living the try-hard life because, even though it is exhausting, at least we’re doing something. Trust and belief are invisible and hard to prove. Activity and do-goodness are visible and quantifiable. We like that. It feels like we have a little bit of control.
Reckless abandoned to Jesus feels risky. Receiving something I didn’t earn is uncomfortable. Grace is offensive, because grace says this life is a gift, and you can only receive it. You can’t earn it. That’s uncomfortable, and so we hide behind our masks of productivity instead.
What is your hope for the woman who experiences Grace for the Good Girl?
Oh Karen, that question brings tears to my eyes as I read it. My hope for the woman who reads? Courage to believe that in Christ, she already has everything she needs. Freedom from hiding behind her do-good, try-hard masks. Rest as she discovers a new hiding place in Christ.
Thanks for stopping by today, Emily!
It’s been my pleasure! And can I just quickly say how much I love you women of Proverbs 31 Ministries? I’ve been both an attendee and a speaker at the She Speaks Conference over the past few years and your gals on the team at P31 are fun, accepting, and so supportive. So thank you for allowing this rookie author to feel welcome!
Okay cyber friends, please leave us a comment telling us where you feel women most ‘try hard’ to appear to have it all together. It can be in your own personal life or just your observation of women in general. One gal will be chosen at random to receive Emily’s book and a $5 Starbucks gift card.
Winner will be announced Wednesday.
Go in Grace,
237 Responses to Grace for the Good Girl Giveaway with Emily Freeman
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I think women “try hard” to appear to have it all together most in their home lives – between balancing marriage, family, friends, faith, tons of activities, household chores, and more. There is just so much to do, and so many to serve – and it seems like women are expected (or is it they expect themselves) to have endless energy, patience, and love for all. It’s exhausting. And impossible. I’d love to win this book, because I could definitely use some help with this; as a perfectionist, it is so hard for me to accept grace versus deeds in myself.
I know personally I don’t want to appear weak or incompetent…pride! :/
Only one area? I feel like I “really” know a female friend when she DOESN’T try to act like she has it all together. Our homes, our marriages, our kids, our walks, our budgets, our health… It breaks my heart, because until we stop pretending or striving for perfectionism, we are robbing ourselves of real life and real friendships!
Can’t wait to read the book!
Mothering for sure. Marriage, family, career, our physical appearance. Everything.
I started blogging on December 30, 2005. I wish I would’ve known you back then, Emily. I was so clueless. So proud of you and your new book. It’s beautiful!!
I think women often try hard to look like they have it together financially when in reality, they do not. I often look at other people wondering how they never seem stressed out about money when all I do is worry about money (I know — I should put it in God’s hands, but that’s easier said than done). When I’m comparing myself to these other women (again, I know I shouldn’t do that), I almost always come to the conclusion that they must have financial issues just like me — they are just really good at hiding them.
I am currently planning a ladies retreat in Nov., and to sum up the theme, it is getting beyond the masks that we women wear in our daily lives. Since the beginning of preparation for this retreat, God has been revealing many masks that I wear myself that I honestly was not aware of. Right now I have on a mask that hides insecurities of beauty, weight, imperfect relationships, being a mess on the inside, and I could list several others. I thank God for the revelation of these ‘try hard’ areas in my life and I pray God will continue to do a work in me and deliver me of these masks to be REAL in Him always!
I would love to believe that in Christ, I already has everything I need. … and know the . freeedom from hiding behind my masks and to also rest as I discover a new hiding place in Christ. All this sounds like it is for someone else, if I could get this truth from my head to my heart, I would be so excited. Also, I love the cover of your new book!
Thanks Bobbie…and you are so right that the struggle comes in getting the truth from our heads and into our hearts and our experience.
I think we women try to look like we have it all together when we are at church, or ladies meetings. We don’t want others to know we just had an argument on the way to church with our husband about something. We arrive and smile and act like everything is great.
In my life the ‘try hard’ area is the mask of looking like I can handle anything and having it all together no matter what. I have recently been diagnosed with a chronic illness and found out my youngest son has it as well. (it is genetic) No one in my life has seen me break down or act like it is a big deal. It is so hard for me to just look at someone and give them the “real” answer……”I am scared to death and I feel guilty for passing it on to my son”.
Oh the theme of the last year of my life. The beauty in it has been that as I let go of some of the things I thought I was doing for God the grace of Jesus showed up in amazing and unexpected places. Where I thought some letting go would separate me from God it only allowed the opportunity for Him to prove to me that nothing could do that.
Definitely balancing keeping a home with homeschooling. The expectations can be UNREAL and we’re put through a tighter microscope when we homeschool (our kids should never act up; we should be peaceful and calm every moment, etc.; our homes should be a neat and organized). What a timely book! Thanks for the giveaway!! ~Lyn
We appear to “have it all together” as we spin our wheels trying to be Savior to the world..our families, our friends, to those we minister to. When all along, we are desperately in need of healing and wholeness from THE Savior, our Lord Jesus Christ. His grace is sufficient.
Can’t wait to read this book, Emily! Thanks for sharing this today, Karen!
Sorry, logged in with WRONG email and WRONG blog address. Grace, anyone??
Always !
I just can’t wait to read the book. I believe whatever season we are in life, whatever our priority is at hand, that is the thing we will mask the most. Oh how much I have accomplished in striving and I now see those things are worth very little. I desire authentic. Blessings today!
OOOH, thanks for the Fresh & Fruity package. my address is 404 King st, Perryopolis, PA 15473
I think women in general fake it as much as possible – in every area imaginable. In my first marriage, I never let on that there was a problem, but in truth, my husband abused me for years. After our divorce, neighbors admitted they had “knew” what was going on. Although it made me sad and upset to think they knew it for years and never tried to help or intervene in any way, I suppose I can understand their not wanting to get involved. It was such a relief to me to finally get help…..
Karen,
Wow, what a question! Due to an uncomfortable childhood, I have always done my best to not let others know when I am hurting, or feeling out of balance. It’s been a long road, but at the ripe old age of 49 I am learning how to let others in. As a certified “go to” girl, it’s been one of my biggest struggles. Yes, I’m one of those “good girls”. Always trying to please others in order to feel acepted and valued. Wow, what a revelation this morning. Looking forward to reading this book. I have a feeling I will be crying through most of it. Hmmm….. I feel like a mirror has just been placed in front of me.
Via Email: Where don’t women not try too hard?? In my personal life, I tried to be like my Mom and my best friend who was so much like my Mom. They were so into the “service” part of Christianity. And I about killed myself trying to be what I “ain’t”. It has taken about 25 years to realize that I’m ok just the way I am, God is still working on me daily, and He thinks I’m fine. We all have our gifts to bring, and not everyone is the same, no matter how much we try to be like someone else. Be yourself and love who you are, after all God made ya!
Thank you!
Kathy R
For me ‘try hard’ is ‘ALWAYS look good on the outside – what people can see, but on the inside my heart is really hurting.
Hi Karen,
I am most definitely a pleaser. I want to know what it is that I need to do to make things work. what I need to realize is that God is the one that works things out and I need to be obedient to him. This sounds like a great book. thanks for writing it, Emily!
Rebecca Ann
I LOVE the fact that God sees our hearts and always knows what we need.. I am SO thankful that He continues to love us unconditionally. I pray that I can seek to Please Him above anything or anyone else
I personally think that anything we woman feel insecure about we try extra hard to prove we have it all together in. So excited about the idea of this book and checking it out. Heard Emily last year in the break out session she did and loved her. Blessings Karen
This is so timely for me. I just gave a video testimony at my church on this very topic. I was re-baptized last night as a sign that I don’t want to continue trying to live a life that will make God see me as worthy of His love. I can’t ever be worthy of His love, but can be totally enveloped in His mercy and grace. That is what I want to seek out for the rest of my life. I think that Christian women in particular seek to appear having it most together in their walk with the Lord. As Christians we are taught that God is number one and that our lives should reflect that. We in turn, twist that wonderful mandate into a life of servitude for the wrong reasons. I am SO ready to embrace relationship with My Lord rather than acting out my religion. Thank you for the opportunity to win this book. It would be a blessing.
I think women try to make it look like they have it all together in any public place. They don’t want people to see the real them. Sounds like a good book. Thanks for the chance to win it!
I think we “try hard” in other groups of women, whether they are at church, PTSO, at the bus stop or doctor’s office. We put on the appearance that all is well while screaming inside from the pressure to measure up and meet everyone’s expectations.
I think women try hardest to look like they have it all together with other women. It doesn’t matter if the women are at church, in the family, friends. I think it is hard for us to be real with other women because some times we are in competition and look at our inadequacies when viewing other women’s lives!
I think we try to make people we have it together just being a woman, especially a single woman with a kid. Between work, house, being a mommy, fincance, sports, church activities and the list goes on we dont want people to see us a weak.
I see it in the “doing good”. Someone needs help with something, here I come. At home, things get left undone. Cookies to church…preheat the oven, I’m on it; cookies my husband is asking for…I’ll try tomorrow. And tomorrow. And tomorrow. I have to make a conscious effort to do for my husband and my home. Trying too hard and in the wrong direction.
It’s funny. In my “old” life, my main contact with other women came through MOPS and church. There it was always trying to appear perfectly able to handle life and enjoy being CRAZY busy with a million and one activities for the kids. It was at that time, that I was oddly enough, dropping out of everything which maybe why I saw it as I did.
Now, I live in the middle of nowhere and my regular contact with other women is blogging. I see so many blogs that give such a PERFECT appearance. All the time. It is easy to feel inferior at all they accomplish. It works because we can’t look past your computer and see the pile of dishes sitting behind you. Not that that happens here, of course.
Meeting everyone’s expectations…especially my own….I am afraid to let people I love and respect know that I really do not have it all together….I want to live a life that Christ would be proud of…sometimes do not know exactly how that should look…God bless you all…
I certainly cannot upset anyone, not clean up after everyone… and be everything for everyone. I am tired because I have tried for almost 40 years. This book shall be my release.
I think we want to have perfect houses, perfect outfits, hairstyles, & families all in order. Life is hard enough w/o making it something it’s not. Thankful we have a Perfect God to fill in the gaps where we fall short!
Oh, I cannot wait to read this book. This describes my life to a T – now….. I wasn’t always the do-good girl – but since I have had children, I have wanted to do everything to please my family and my Lord and my church – I, too, am a “doer” and do not feel like I am worthy unless I am doing for others. I hope this book will help me realize to just let go and believe!
I think I ‘try hard’ the most with my family…so, that we appear, not so much to have it all together, but to not be losing it or out of control. And really in a lot of areas…my home…my family of orgin… I know that I should just be myself, but that is really hard after a life of trying to be something else…
I find myself in this boat as we speak. I am trying hard to appear as I have it all together as my husband’s health is falling apart along with his “manhood” because he doesn’t feel like a man having to take hormones. I feel I have to hold it all together not only for my sake but his too. I feel like if I show weakness or cry that people will think my faith in his healing is small. But sometimes all I want to do is run to my heavenly Daddy and be held.
I am my worst enemy as I’ve convinced myself that I will perform better and “all is right in the world” when my house is “in order.”. But, what I really need to remind myself is to have my life and heart in line with God’s more than a tidy house. There patience, kindness and goodness towards my husband can grow in our home…even through the dirty floors, mounds of laundry and scattered toys…as long as I’m allowing God to guide my ways and not leaning on my own strength and understanding of how I think my world would work best! I learned this first hand this morning doing my quiet time and prayer with our heavenly Dad sitting in a room cluttered with toys! He helped me humble my heart and my world became right again! Despite a messy house and no menu plan for weeks! Sounds like this book is a must read for all Mom’s and it’s going on my list of soon-to-reads!!
Thanks ladies!!
We feel like we have to be everything for everyone. We try to hard to make it seem like we have it all together in our home lives.
I feel women try to have it all together on the job. It is important to be able to do a job and do it well, but needing help or not knowing how to do something doesn’t make you incompetent or incapable! It makes you human.
I agree with evryone’s comments here; where do we NOT try to have it “all together?!” Often we try to appear that our marriages are all together, and we are embarrassed to admit that things aren’t as wonderful as it might seem; our pain and struggles are often deeply hidden, and therefore healing doesn’t have an opportunity to occur.
Being a military wife, I feel, as women, we try hard to make it seem we can get through anything with noone’s help. There seems to be an unspoken rule that to make it as a military wife, you have to be independent. But I am learning how true it is that when we are weak, we are strong, because we learn to fully rely on God for everything.
we as women try to appear to have it all together because its ingrained in us that having it all together is good, and from experience everyone steers clear of women who don’t – they are considered “messed up” or “crazy”, which is totally wrong thinking, but if we are honest, those thoughts sometimes cross our minds.
Women try to appear to have it all together with their marriage and kids.
It’s too embarrassing to admit struggles or exhaustion. We’d
rather say “fine” to ensure how we appear.
I know Philippians 4:13 tells me “I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.” Unfortunately, I twist the meaning of the verse at times, and let myself believe that I should be able to do everything well, on my own, as long as I pray for the strength. I have a terrible time admitting that I need help with anything, especially to my fellow moms. I struggle with embarrassment and guilt when I fall short, wondering why I can’t do all things, failing to recognize that the Lord works through people and will bring them alongside me to strengthen and encourage me.
I tend to ‘try-hardest’ in front of my kids. And I think that’s doing them a disservice. By showing them that I don’t get it all right and how to handle the consequences when I don’t, I am (should be) teaching them about grace and unconditional love. That’s certainly something I want them know know full-well. (And certainly something I am working on.)
Hope your day is sunny and bright like mine is right now as I am at the beach for a week. Not all days are like that and I so look forward to “dejunking” while relaxing with my family. Sometimes even that can be difficult, but because I can depend on such an awesome God. I know he will see me through everything. Just wanted to say, though, that sometimes, being strong for family can be my biggest challenge!
I think women try hard to appear to have it together spiritually; trying something new ever so often to reach the stage of walking in the spirit by the same means we approach other aspects of our lives . . . controling. I also believe God rewards a “trying” spirit by ever so lovingly drawing us unceasingly, and letting us experience the dissatisfaction that comes from trying, until we finally give up on our silly selves and surrender totally to His will…that’s where spiritual growth finally begins.
The areas I ‘try hard’ in…my appearance…cant remember the last time i was comfortable without make up on. Hmmm also at work, i try hard to put my best foot forward and do play the game, but i cant do it for lomg. most of all I try hard to cover my past. I don’t know what reaction others will have and so most of the time I try hard to just act like it didn’t happen. I have a history of 2 abortions and even though millions of women AND men carry this secret, I am not always willing to share with others. God rescued me from eternity in hell and I will always regret my decisions, but so very thankful beyond words can even express for the grace of God and Jesus’ blood which has blotted out my sin.
I think some women “try hard” to appear that they have the perfect family. Including myself. We want for everyone to think that we have it ALL together with perfect straight A kids, a spottless home, be the best cook, be able to please our over worked husbands plus find time to keep ourselves looking marvelous!! NOT!! Without Christ we have nothing and all the other stuff falls into place when w put Him first. Sounds like a great book. Can not wait to reade it. God Bless
I think women try the hardest to show that they are continually happy. They want to show others that they don’t have any problems and that life is going just grand. Maybe it’s just that we don’t want to bother other people or we simply don’t want to share (due to a Nosy Nelly or just don’t feel like it). It’s exhausting at times to share our problems, although, it usually helps! We are told not to hide from others when we are going through rough times. We need to lean on others and allow their love, support, and prayers to carry us. Everyone has problems. That’s life! If, as women, we could just accept that and be there for each other, it would make our lives a lot more fulfilled, content, and easier!
I was just thinking (over the weekend, of all times): “Why do I try so hard??” The Lord is teaching me (over and over again, will I only learn??) to let go of people-pleasing and to find rest in Him alone. He accepts and affirms me – His sufficient grace is all I really need. Thanks for the encouragement today!
I think we all try to act like we have it all together in some area of our lives. As Christians we think if we show our “mess” to other women, that we are somehow less of a “good girl”. Looking forward to reading this book because as “good girl” myself, I know it can be hard to realize that all we need is Christ and we are just as needy as anyone out there!
It’s so true, Angel. I used to think that because my story wasn’t scandalous, that perhaps I didn’t have one. Thankful that isn’t true.
I’m looking forward to reading this book! It seems to sum up a lot of my feelings and frustrations. Thank you very much for opening up your heart and soul for us to read and take comfort from. I appreciate words of wisdom from women who have been through “life stuff” and have the talent to share it with others and help me grow.
Thanks Teresa! Glad to know you can relate.
Sounds like a great book! I would love love love to read it! I think women try hard to look like they have it all together when we have people over to our house, friends, family, coworkers, anyone for that matter.
Dear Karen, Thank you for today and for letting us meet Emily!! I would love to win this book for my daughter Natalie. She is struggling so right now in her life–pregnant with her second child–to an abusive man. I spent my Sunday moving her and her daughter Simone’s few “things” into my sisters garage. You can see she is hurting so bad–please I ask if you have time to include her in your prayers—she is also the one whom you ask how is everything and her answer is “It is fine” Thank you and many blessings, Barb
Just whispered a prayer for your sweet daughter, Barb.
I am realizing I can’t do it all. I have tried to do so much for so long and I think I am burned out. Trying to slow down and be there mentally for my husband and teens. (I don’t have them for much longer)
It is such a myth that we have it altogether and yet we try so hard to make it look that way.
We can be such doers and so busy that we don’t stop and listen and meditate on Word.
I think that we “try hard” to be Super-Women…to be everything to everybody (best mom, best wife, best friend, best volunteer, etc.) and sadly often feel like failures because not only is this an impossible goal, but in the process, we often forget to spend quality time with God and don’t seek His guidance on the priorities He would have us set for our lives.
From my personal experience (of which I am totally guilty of as well as having noticed it in other women as well) is trying hard to appear to have it all together with our children. I often try to send my kids to school dressed adorable or brag about their acomplishments or have the cutest items for the school bake sales. More often than not, I’m falling apart at the seams and I forget to put deodorant on in my rush to get all the kids ready. When out in public, the kids match and are well behaved but many times at home, we’re all fighting with each other or crying in frustration. I think that a lot of women experience the same thing in their lives when it comes to their children.
I think most women have two faces…their “public” face and then their “real” face. In public we want everyone to think we have it all together….while we know in our heart of hearts that we feel lacking in too many areas of our lives to mention. We put alot of pressure on ourselves to make people think we have it all together, and the stress we cause ourselves just adds to our feelings of not being good enough. When we can learn that God loves us no matter what, and that if He can accept us just as we are, then we can realize that we don’t have to put on a false face for anybody.
great post! i consider myself a “good girl” too….and my motto has always been “fake it ’til ya make it” ….. but the truth is that God loves us exactly where we are at. Recently read a quote from Lysa T. @ P31 where she added to that … but He loves you too much to keep you there! i am a wife of 13 years and mother of 4 kids – and it is very difficult to put on a happy face somedays. i just have to pray ALOT! God bless you girls and all the wonderful work you are doing
I guess I can only respond for this woman…I struggle with constantly attempting to convince God Himself that I have it all together! Been tripping on this for years, in spite of knowing the truth of His love and acceptance for me through Jesus. I just want to please Him, but it constantly slips into a “working for” Him, instead of loving Him.
I read a book this spring by Shaunti Feldhahn titled, “The Life Ready Woman-Thriving in a Do-it-All World”. I think that’s what women try to do, EVERYTHING! After reading the first couple of pages I remember thinking, “You mean I don’t have to do it all?” I experienced such freedom from my own expectations of myself after reading it. This book sounds very similar and would give me a great refresher!
As far back as I can remember, I’ve worn the “I’m great, everything’s under control” mask. Always felt like I had to to be accepted. Just in the last few years, I’ve shared trials and tribulations with a select few. It’s hard to trust enough to take of the mask.
Women, including myself, try to appeat to have it all in so many areas, its overwhelming. I try to appear to have it all together in my work, as a wife, a friend, a sister in law, a daughter, etc. The problem is when you try to “have it all” in so many area you tend to be so stretched so thin you wind up with nothing in anything….
Looking forward to the book. Have the pleasure of meeting you both at She Speaks (and your blogs) and was such an honor to share that time withyou and see the growth from the blog to the book (Emily).
This books sounds so right up my alley – can’t wait to read it. I feel so much more pressure as a Christian women than I did as an unbeliever. I love the Lord, but so many mornings I start the day feeling overwhelmed and end it seeing everything I didn’t get to. Fertile ground for anxiety indeed. Perfect mother, wife etc……
Choose one area…? Let’s just say parenting. I’m a stay at home mom, so Mom is my profession, yet I still feel like I try hard – really hard! – and not get it right.
I think women in general try too hard to be “all” to everyone & everything….I know I get caught up in that trap way to often! Sounds like a great book & I can’t wait to read it!
God Bless!
Oh gosh… AS women we wear so many hats on any given day & try to hold it “all together” but something has to give. But I think parenting is the one place many women/mummas hold their true feelings in because they are afriad of what others may think. It is so embracing to let go, ask for help in this world of parenting and realized we are not alone in it.
I feel that the place I try hardest to appear I have all together has been at church. I am having a hard time being real there. I love our little church but there have been several issues going on there and now that we have a new pastor they have all come to a head. I have watched as the number of regular/ members has dwindled done to just a hand full and we are doing so much trying to bring people to the church. Please pray for us to all be ‘real’ with each other and the Lord.
Sincerely and being real today, Fredi
I feel like if I “try hard” to make it look like I have it all together, it will make me feel like I have it all together. I come from a “dysfunctional” family and I think that feeds my need to “try hard” even more. Part of me thinks that if I can appear to have it all together, maybe it will encourage change in my family members as well.
I think being a mom is one of the biggest pitfalls for women. If our kids are having a bad day, aren’t listening, or are just overall strong willed people, we take that as a personal failure. We have to remember that God gave us the kids we have not so we could have a perfect family, but so we could raise them into His people. It’s a journey that really never ends but is definitely no where near over when they are little.
I took a break earlier this year for 6 months from a social media site as it was wearing me down from reading all the “perfect” lives of all of my girlfriends and other acquaintances (funny how the “relationship” of acquaintances via social media was ruining me emotionally.) It wore me down because my life was NOT perfect, but everywhere I looked, I saw pictures of “perfect” homes, husbands, marriages, friends, babies, careers, educations, etc. Though deep down I knew that none of their lives were “perfect”, it still felt like my own life was a failure after comparing it to all of their “perfection” being portrayed in their online photo albums, in their status messages, on their blogs, and also on Sunday mornings. I gained perspective during those six months, and the time from that break was “redeemed” by hearing/reading the Truth, from “accidentally” (God’s grace!) coming across blogs and books that talk about REAL life. Thank you, Karen and Emily and many others for sharing about authentic life.
We women try hard everytime we plaster on a smile and say, “I’m good, how are you?”… when really we are so in need of true connection with one another. We look good on the outside, but are so afraid that if anyone saw our insides, they would reject us. I am so grateful to my “Coffee Girls”, a group that started meeting 2x a month a year ago. It is a place to be real and share life. Each woman is someone I used to pass in the hall at church and say hi to, but never knew. What a blessing to have these now-heart-friends!!! Blessings!
I am finding in my own life personally, and hopefully I’m not alone in this, is that it’s easy to ‘try hard’ at being a follower of Christ, at trying to be ‘more acceptable’ to God, striving to do things better to therefore be a better witness, etc. and not even realizing that deep down, that means that somewhere I don’t trust or fully believe that it’s by grace alone that I’ve been saved, that I am accepted by God because of Christ, that there is nothing I can do in my own power to be better – but it’s about submitting and being willing to let God do His thing in me. I think we catch a glimpse of what being a follower of Christ look like and we try to produce that on our own, not realizing it’s just the fruit, the result, of a life given to God, and that what we really see if God’s handiwork.
I think women try to live with the “brave face” on. We read Proverbs 31 and feel the ache to be all that it says but inside face our failures every day. We so often fail to realize the truth of Ephesians 1 that reminds us we are loved, adopted, chosen, redeemed, forgiven…all out of the kind intention of our Father’s will. Not because of something we did or try to do on a daily basis to be “good enough.” I’m so grateful for grace, mercy and for books like this one that will help all of us.
One of the first things I find myself doing when I start to feel inadequate is to compare myself with others. And with all of the social networking sites out there these days making it easier than ever to pretend we are “ok”, it is too easy to think everyone else has it all together when we are falling apart at home/work/etc. I love seeing all of these comments showing that we all have weaknesses and struggles. I am really excited to read this new book!!! Wouldn’t it be great for us all to give up the “try-hard” life together??
the ‘try hard’ struggle shows up often in my life and in all areas. this blog post, & emily’s book all come to me in God’s perfect timing. Just this weekend I took inventory, if you will, on my friendships. I noticed that two of my relationships really stand out from the others and that is because they love me as i am… …. deeply flawed … … they love me, they accept me, yet they don’t just tell me what i want to hear. i can be completely vulnerable with them knowing that they won’t judge me and that they’ll point me to Jesus, always. these two friends and i share this safe place where we can call out to one another in our weakness and ask for encouragment and prayer. i am committing to prayer over my other friendships with family and others, prayer to not fall into ‘trying hard’ to be liked…prayer to stop the unhealthy comparisons. and prayer of thanksgiving for the REAL friendships i have.
I think women “try-hard” at friendships and relationships. That is one of my biggest struggles. Trying hard to fit-in with all of the people in my life and trying to do what they want me to do instead of what God wants me to do. I have just recently discovered that this plays a huge role of burden on my heart. I am currently seeking God for where my family is supposed to be at (Church wise). I feel that i am doing what God wants me to be doing, but at the same time I am fearing losing friends or worrying about what they are thinking. This is a mask now that i know i have to get rid of. I have to go where God is leading me and not stay behind for friends or relationships. Thanks so much for this word this morning!
I think we try too hard when it comes to our children. It is so easy to be competitive here and compare our kids to others. We need to remind ourselves that if we are pleased with them and Jesus is happy with them, then nothing else matters.
I think women try to appear as though they are keeping everything together in their lives at home. Kids always looking nice, house always clean, dinner on the table, serving at church, maybe even a full time job, yet inside they are feeling totally overwhelmed. But trying to continue to look like all is well on the outside. This sounds like a great book that will help many women! Thanks for sharing!
I believe that myself and many other women try to pretend we have it all together at work. I think we (I) feel it gives the impression that we are more competant if all aspects of our life seem like everything is under control. Sounds like a great book, can’t wait to read it!
i have stopped caring and trying to do anything…literally…..i need prayer please…thank you and Gods peace
Wow! The title of this book caught my attention immediately. I have always been the “good girl” and as a wife and mom, I never measure up to my own standards of perfection. I also have the same expectations for my family. I need to learn to give grace to others and myself. Oh, to sit in the grace of God instead of always working to please.
I have been that good girl wrought with anxiety my whole life. Now at 32 with 9 children I feel like I’m under a microscope & I don’t like to let other women get too close because i’m sure they would see something i’m not doing “perfect”. Even though I am constantly giving it my all I always see where I could do better. My physical body can’t do all the things i’d love to do for my family so i struggle with always feeling i’m letting them down. Would Love to rid myself of that destructive thinking. The worst part is seeing my teenage daughters worrying & not letting people get too close !
Who’s been talking????? Interesting…your booked popped up a week or so ago on Amazon – I glanced at the cover, but that was it. Now here you are again! Often I’m convinced I AM the charter “trying to be good enough” girl…so much that a great friend thought I should write a book – a complilation of journals tracking my journey with God…”A Year in the Life of a Good Girl” – go figure!
Thank you for writing this book! Just in the synopsis, it screamed “Celeta, this is you!” and whispered, “How do they know????” God is diligently working on my Head-Heart connection – and has wonderful ways to bring about transformation – oh that I might not just be a “Martha”, but a “Mary” too!
I know that I see women working hardest to prove they are all together when it comes to being a mom…heaven forbid we not be perfect…that we lose it from time to time or not do it all “right”.
This book looks great!!
Places where I seem to have it all together… I am going through a season of SEEING GOD’S GOODNESS. Even in the ugly, messy, daily, unthinkable… But still CHOOSING to see God’s goodness! I grew up always knowing God is good in my head but KNOW I choose to see the goodness of the Lord-ALL the time! (Ps 27:1) He is shiftin my belief system & challenging me to say to Him ‘This doen’t look good right now BUT I know you are a good, so I will trust you IN this storm’… & to be real w/my girlfriends & say what I’m feeling always frees them up to to get real!…
Being a Martha is so exhausting. I am tired and don’t want to keep “trying” to please others all the while I am failing the One who matters the most. Even if I don’t win I NEED this book. It is time for a personal revolution.
I think a lot of women struggle to look like they have it all together when it comes to their home lives, whether it be house cleaning, cooking, taking care of children, etc. I know I do!!!
Every time I hear something about this book, I want to read it more. Personally, I really resonate with that idea that help from God is for those who can’t handle the pressure. As a “good girl” and a named leader, I have always felt expected to perform and do things the right way.
We all want to feel in control so its easy to fall into the trap of perfectionism. Luckily all we need is grace. Now it is just learning to accept that.
I believe we try most hard to be strong, unfailing, perfect creatures. We feel a sense of not measuring up, especially in our roles as women. Thank you for the giveaway!
For me personally, as a home schooling mom of 5, I feel like I need to “have it all together” or people will look down on home schooling or larger families. I feel like that in parenting, in schooling, in housework, in church life, etc. I would LOVE to read this book!
In my opinion women have been told by society that we can have it all, when the reality is we cannot. We cannot be everything to everyone and do everything people expect us to do, because at some point we will fail. I also believe the church, for a long time, conditioned women to be the perfect “Proverbs 31 woman”. Yes, she is a picture of the ideal woman but we forget that in that time women had many servants. Today we do not. I myself strive for that perfection and when I don’t I beat myself up for it. I want to rest in Jesus, because trying to be perfect gets exhausting.
I think the place most women are trying to appear to have it all together is at church…more specifically, in women’s groups at church. I recently started a new small group for women and the one thing I ask is for everyone to be REAL! I think the biggest thing the world needs is to see Christian women being authentic. The world has enough fake without the women of God being that way. I might not have it all together, but I am not going to try and make others believe that I do.
As a single girl I’ve noticed that I spend the majority of my time trying hard to seem like I have it all together. I don’t know if its me projecting my insecurities on the world or the actual world’s response to single people, but I’m in a constant state of trying hard to go above and beyond to prove that I’m organized, able to take care of myself, and totally fine with being single. I feel like people look at me and me assume something is wrong with me because I’m single. I feel lost and lonely at times because I’m outside the “normal” box that culture has defined for someone my age; married, children, happy home life. These aren’t things that I have right now and so I try hard to cover it up with a face of happiness. Instead, I should be focusing on God’s love for me, and the fact that I’m where he wants me to be at this point in my life. Easier to type than actually do!!
Thank you for this opportunity for a free book. I feel most women “try hard” in the area of their faith or relationship with God. We want, even crave Him and his guidance but let life’s obligations distract us. I am so thankful that he loves us so and forgives!
Oh… it’s certainly been one of those weeks. I have felt unappreciated for ‘all I do’, ‘how hard I work’, as well as just being tired out from long days and long hours and not enough time with my family and the Lord. I have to give up wanting the kudos and just know I’m loved by God no matter how much or little I do and whether or not anyone recognizes it. I just feel like ‘it will never be enough’ for our society. I always feel like I’m letting ‘someone’ down. *sigh* I am a ‘try-hard’ I do believe… thanks for letting me share.
I know I try so hard to seem like I have it all together as a Pastor’s wife. I want the ladies in the church to think that I am someone they can rely on and look up to but some days it is all I can do to hold it together. I am learning that seeing me as I am and seeing that I rely on God’s grace to get me through is more of a witness to them than “having it all together” ever could be.
I think a lot of times it’s my own walk with the Lord that I work hardest at looking like I have it all together. I can quote Scriptures (usually without where it’s found), I can read blogs and books that get me fired up for a closer walk, I can pray for the needs of my family and friends, but there are days when all I am sure about when it comes to my relationship with Him, is that I know I am saved.
I can spout the truth and answers from my head, but it isn’t always from the heart, and heaven forbid the ladies in my ladies fellowship group find out that I haven’t cracked open my Bible since our last meeting.
I grew up in church, I know the right things to say, the right actions, the right sentiments for the occasions, but because of that, no one else has to know that I don’t quite have it all together like I should.
Hmmmm, let’s see….as I read this blog and the replies, I thought, what is the area we struggle to be seen as perfect in, and it came to me…EVERYWHERE!! Even when trying to answer this question just right!! LOL…but seriously, since the Enjoli commercial gave us a woman that could do it all, this generation and the ones thereafter seeing their parents try to emulate her, have really thought they could do it all! We even work hard at not falling for this trap. While we know we are to strive to be like Jesus, I love that He reminds us we are NOT Him, we are to do what HE calls us to do well, not what the media says. I tell people all the time, I am a mess. A redeemed mess, so I will hurt your feelings, usually not meaning to, I will give you wrong advise, and while I like a nice home, I hate housework! But, Jesus called me to be a good wife, friend, Mom, worker unto Him. He will handle the perfect part.
For myself I really struggle with the “good girl complex” always having to remind my mind and heart that God loves me just for me, not for anything I do well or don’t do well. I think that an area that I struggle with “the mask” is in parenting. It is one of the most important things to me and so I easily get caught in the good enough game to prove that I’m doing a good job and worthy of this calling in life. But God has really broken into this pattern in my life and is rebuilding it into something that is of the fullness and abundance that He gifts to us. I think this book would be agreat tool to continue this journey.
I find the biggest struggle is trying not to feel alone. Since I live alone, it is hard not to have these feelings. I busy myself most of the time. I know God is with me & I feel sorry for people who do not have this blessing. I’m 71 yrs. Like to know how other ladies my age and status handle these problems?
I think women “try hard” in parenting to cover up that they are not frustrated and unsure what to do. It is easier to cover up and hide what is really being felt instead of asking for help.