Getting Kids Talking Giveaway with Mary DeMuth
Published September 21, 2011In my post earlier this week, we chatted a bit about raising kids who are passionate, not perfect.
Another goal I’ve had as a mom is to raise kids who will confide in us. Communication is key to any healthy relationship but sometimes getting kids to open up isn’t the easiest task to accomplish.
Enter my friend Mary DeMuth.
Mary is a writer, speaker, wife, mother, writing mentor and worshipper. A prolific southern fiction writer, she also has two fabulous books for helping parents raise kids who are confident, courageous Christ-followers. I’m including a copy of each in today’s giveaway. It includes:
~ A copy of 150 Quick Questions to Get Your Kids Talking
~ A copy of You Can Raise Courageous & Confident Kids; Preparing Your Children for the World They Live In
~ Some Orville Redenbacher’s movie theatre butter popcorn to munch on while you talk with your kids
Hear Mary’s heart on a few elements brought forth in her books:
Mary, what prompted you to write 150 Quick Questions?
I wrote the questions because I grew tired of just doing “What was your high & low point of today?” around the dinner table. I wanted to delve more deeply into my kids’ hearts.
So I wrote up 150 questions, printed them, cut them into strips and put them in a basket in the middle of our kitchen table. The kids took turns taking them out. So we tested all of these before they ever became a book. In fact, it was a few years before Harvest House published them.
Why do you feel engaging kids in conversations is more valuable than issuing ultimatums?
Engaging kids in chatter is a great way to our kids’ hearts. They’re more likely to entrust us with their secrets, fears, and wishes if they feel we’re listening. They will naturally confide if they feel safe. It’s always better to go for relationship, because good behavior flows out of good relationship.
What is the best piece of parenting advice you’ve ever been given?
Best piece of advice: Look into your kids’ eyes. Stop and pay special attention to them when you’re talking to them. Make them feel like they’re the most important person in the room.
Okay friends, if you would like a chance to receive this helpful book bundle, leave us a comment telling us either the best piece of parenting advice you’ve been given or your favorite way to connect with your kids—a game, tradition or simple activity. Winner announced Friday.
Blessings,
126 Responses to Getting Kids Talking Giveaway with Mary DeMuth
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My Family
Best piece of advice – remember that they are all different; they have unique needs, personalities, gifts and abilities.
My kids love to go for walks. We always talk about what is going on in their little lives, school, what they are looking forward to, and observing God’s beautiful creation.
I make sure that I always apologize to my kids any time that I do wrong!
Always be kind. If someone hurts you kill them with kindness. Revenge will get you no where and walking around angry only hurts you, no one else. This advice came from my mom and it honestly took me along time to understand.
Oops….parenting advice! Love them, spend time with them, look at them when they talk to you so they know you ARE listening. Hugs them every day and say I love you every day.
Best piece of advice? Cherish every moment. Be thankful for the phase they are in now (the good & the bad) it will go by way to quickly.
Treat your children with respect and love them as Jesus does:) Be sure you teach them about Jesus beginning early in their life.
love them….love them….love them….enjoy every single second you have with them.
Best parenting advice–”It’s just a season.”. meaning it’s just a season as a little newborn, sleepless nights, 2 year-ols tantrums, etc. Treasure the season of parenting you’re in right now. It will be gone in a flash!
Best Advice? Your children are little recorders. They soak up everything you say and do. — And sometimes even repeat it!! In Chuch! haha
At this stage (my boys are 18 and 21) I have to LOVE them, even though I don’t always like them. I am slowly learning to lay my burdens of parenting at Jesus’s feet, and am praying for wisdom in what I say to them with much love. The love is often not returned, but I/we continue to lift them up.
I started using the time in the car for one on one conversation with my kids several years ago. They felt free to talk while I was keeping my eyes on the road. I would offer advice / wisdom in small chunks and they would be ‘surprised’ that I actually understood. They are 20 and 17 now and now they ask for my insight!
I Have learned to ask questions to help them identify their feelings. My kids are 10, 8, 4 and 3, sometimes the younger ones don’t know how to say this how I feel. My older ones I constantly let them know I am here to listen no matter what they have done, I even use how I feel to let them know it’s ok to have whatever feelings they may have. I also pray to God to give me words to help them especially with the difficult feelings or situations; whatever the case may be. I give them the freedom to feel and that seems to help them open up! God Bless!
The best way to communicate that I have found with my step-children is a Conversational Question card game. The topics range from politics, religion, personal, family, friends, etc…. With my children, they were just brought up in a different atmosphere of always talking, during meals, in the car, everywhere… even when their friends were over.
Sylvia
Best advice- if you misuse it, you lose it for dealing with behavioral issues.
Best piece of advice ~ “It is always easier to never allow than it is to allow and then take away!” I have used this from the time my kids were toddlers wanting to play with my cell phone, to 4 year olds wanting to drink pop, to now my 7 year old wanting to run around the whole neighborhood…. If I stick to my guns the first few times they ask, they really do quit asking and receive the message as fact and the fight is over. If I slip up just one time and allow something in a desperate moment, it becomes an ongoing battle to take it away.
I love the journey of parenting and all that it is teaching ME!
I always spend time with each of my kids before they go to sleep. Sometimes they want to talk to much but usually it’s a good time to connect with them and really find out about what happened during their day. My youngest also still likes the snuggle time and would love it if I stayed in his room til he was sleeping. These books look great!
Rebecca Ann
I love that line: “good behavior flows out of good relationship.” I have two teens, and this bundle would be awesome timing for us! I think the best piece of advice we received is to remember that as kids grow older and have times where they act like they don’t want you to be “near” (even a hug), don’t believe it! They DO want us to draw them close and love them, in all stages and seasons.
It is really important to establish communication with your kids when they are small. By letting them know that talking with you is a safe place to come with questions about any subject, it paves the way for the deeper discussions you’ll have as the children grow up. Always keep your answers age-appropriate, and they’ll come back for more information when they are ready.
Best Advice – Pray for your children daily. I pray with my two kids every day before they leave for school. Sometimes it is just a quick one and other times a little more thoughtful. They sometimes remind me now when I forget. I try to pray for them during the day too, especially if they have something special or challenging going on that day.
I am also trying to spend more time with each child individually when possible. My son is very talkative – but so is my daughter when I get her away from her brother! We have had some great conversations recently just tooling around in the van doing errands!
My favorite way to connect with my son is doing an activity we both enjoy, such as bike riding, walking our dog, playing Wii, or scrabble. Best parenting advice is to pray over him everyday!!
We are a game playing family. I get the best conversations during these fun times.
I am so thankful for this reminder to be involved in discussions with my kids daily and I love the idea of the questions drawn so that the discussion is different and spontaneous! Thank you for your blog!
Best advice: Have a home where your kids friends like to hang-out. I always to try to have their favorite foods on hand, wlecome them warmly without judgement and engage them in conversation. P.S. I absolutely LOVE Mary DeMuths fiction series!
Moments are important….anywhere….anytime….stop and listen!
Slow down and enjoy your kids sometimes….
Stop the hurry – relax and enjoy the moment with your child— most stuff can wait.
Taking one child at a time out for breakfast or a snack. This gets both parent and child away from distractions at home. This gets one on one time.
Also, making it a habit of saying I love you before ending a phone conversation, going out the door or . . .
Mary DeMuth is one of my favorite authors. I’ve read a number of her fiction books, but none of her parenting books. What an awesome give-away!
Our family’s favorite way to connect and spend time together is to pack a picnic supper, stuff for hot cocoa/coffee, and smores fixings and head up to Skyline Drive to watch the sunset from one of the overlooks. We do this many Friday nights, as it’s only about 10 minutes from our home. The views are gorgeous and we love enjoying God’s creation together. We’ve seen deer, rabbits, coyotes, and bears while we’re up on Skyline Drive. But the best part is that we just spend time together–talking, laughing, being together. We really look forward to these times.
At this stage (my boys are 8 and 12), I try to teach each of them to listen to each other and not be judgmental because they are in different stages. My 12 year old is maturing and some of his questions and comments are, to say the least, a little out of my league, but I try to keep an open mind and share my thoughts honestly. My 8 year old is all baseball, skinned knees and elbows. The best way the four of us communicate is at the dinner table. Every night we can, we eat at the table together. We talk about everything that has happened that day. We take turns saying the blessing, and saying our good-night prayers, and I’m happy to say that my boys are still at the age where it’s okay for mom to tuck them in at night!
Parenting children of any age is always a challenge. With a 14 year old and a 7 year old there are certain conversational topics of the 14 year old that need to be censored for the 7 year old leaving all of us feeling awkward and limiting our dinner time talk. I would love to know the 150 questions so we could be all-inclusive.
My boys are teens and we are struggling in this stage of their life right now.
My advice is to make sure you apologize when you are wrong and to make sure
that you find something each day to praise them for.
Blessings,
Janet
gatorgirl66@hotmail.com
I take a walk w/my kids every morning before we eat breakfast and start homeschool. It gives me an opportunity to get fresh air, but primarily to chat w/ whichever one of my 3 who chooses to walk alongside me.
These books look interesting. Thank you for the heads up on them!
Best advice – Always let you children know they can come to you and talk about anything that is going on in their lives. I want our children to feel that even if they have done something terribly wrong that they can come to us and we can talk about it and work through it together. I love the idea of the questions at dinner time. I want to try that.
I have found that if I spend a little extra time at bedtime with my boys that they seem to open up. Sometimes, I just lay down beside them on the bed and lay with them until the go to sleep, othertimes when the lights are out is when my oldest is most willing to talk about things that are bothering him.
Please count me in on the give away
Since my three teens are in the “sportin a tude” phase, I pray for lots of wisdom and love in parenting.
I love that our family has dinner together around the dinner table almost 100% of the time, and even my 6 yr old son said earlier this week at dinner, “so how has everyone’s day been so far?” I also make tuck-in time at night a special time where we can talk, because sometimes they’ll open up in the dark better than in the daylight, or it’s when they voice their concerns before going to sleep.
I would so love to win this giveaway – what great resources for all parents
Learn each child’s love language and love them each in the way that best speaks to them.
Such a privilege to be featured here! Thanks, karen! I do pray we’d all have conversational families!
Due to a variety of reasons and dynamics (all good and of our own choice) dinners as a family only happen for us when we go out to eat. A more consistent time of connecting is at bedtime. We have a really nice routine, and this is the time that I get to hear everything from the most mundane to the most heart-warming parts of my daughter’s day. But the I think my favorite times to connect are the random ones; the ones that just sort of pop up out of the clear blue. I think that this is because I’m caught off guard, and my mind stops to focus instead of being partially distracted by what I’m going to do next.
I like the time in the car driving to and from activities. Most of the time, my kids will start talking and sharing their lives in the car!
When my children were growing up–we really tried to have dinner all together. We would go around the table and each person –parents included would tell everyone about one thing that had happened that day!!!
Reading a chapter of a book together and talking about what you’ve read.
best advice… whenever you think of a reason your child should/should not do something that you feel so strongly about… you should think of three reasons for each side… three reasons they should and three reasons they shouldn’t… like “my kid should cut his hair” three reasons why and why not… and most of the time it makes you think that they really shouldn’t do what you want them to do… and it helps you understand why they don’t do what you want them to do…
My youngest daughter lives about 900 miles away and we can’t visit one another often. We stay connected by phone calls and snail mail letters. The most creative letter for the month is chosen and who ever wins gets to special treat-coffee for me, candy for her. It’s fun and allows us both to sit down, unwind for a few minutes and actually write out thoughts and feelings.
We have been foster parents since 2001 and typically have at least 7 children. The way we find time for each child to feel special is an individual date night with mom (me). I take one out at a time. We do what sounds like fun to them… Dinner and a movie, the park, etc. But, I use it as an opportunity to try to get them talking… To open up, etc. We all really enjoy this! And it’s so helpful with attachment for all of us.
These books would be amazing to own. Sometimes, the boys don’t act like they “feel” anything… And I’d like to have the tools to tap into them, so we could help them.
Remember that they are children, not little adults. =)
The best advice–listen to your kids even when they are young. They have feelings and want to show and say things that are important to them. Always be at their eye level. You get your message across and they listen.
My favorite time to connect with my kids is at bedtime – it’s one on one time with each kid that gives us time to talk about the day, sometimes pray together, sometimes just lay down and cuddle together, or whatever each child needs that day. These books look great!
The Golden Rule…”Treat others the way you want to be treated”. This covers most situations and is simple enough for even a young child to understand.
We need to pray constantly for our children. We need to remember that they were made by God, and therefore we need to raise them to their potential in there God given talents. We need to remeber they are individuals, and have their own ideas. We need to encourage them, not discourage them.
I was a nanny for over 6 years before I was a mom. I remember being told once give them your time & attention even if it’s for something silly. That when the realize that what they have to say is important to you they’ll share the “big” stuff too!
Be authentic! Treat your children the exact same behind closed doors as you would in front of the people you want to impress the most.
Take them seriously! Your children’s thoughts and feelings are very serious to them, treat them that way. They are the most important, relevant, things in their lives and are just as serious as the things in our, adult, lives.
The best piece of parenting advice I ever received was from my mother. I had called her up on the phone on my very first day completely alone with my newborn daughter. I was terrified and just sobbing that I was afriad I wouldn’t know what she needed when she cried. Mom said: “always do what seems natural to you”. Her meaning behind this was: “don’t worry about what other people say you SHOULD or SHOULDN’T be doing just do what seems natural to YOU”. Best advice ever! I actually have a nother great piece of advice that I don’t remember who or where it came from, but I live by it also. When you children hug you….let them be the first to let go of the hug. These two pieces of advice have been my most proved and effetive partenting tools. 18 years later, I still abide by these two pieces of advice.
When my son was born and we were told he would be deaf and blind, an older member of my church came up to me and looked at me with bright eyes. She simply said, “God has given you a gift and it is up to you to accept him and love him as he does.” We began talking and she re-assured me that all of our kids have been perfectly molded as Christ wants them. There will be hard times, fun times, sad times and happy times. Love them just the way they are and love all of their individualities.
My favorite time to connect is at bedtime when we read books and say prayers. However, I find the best way to connect is when they get to choose something they like to participate in then they talk more when they are doing something they like and they choose to do. I like Mary’s idea of putting the questions into a bowl. I am always open to new ideas and new ways to connecct.
Best advice – Put God first and the rest will follow.
Favorite connecting time – snuggling in at bedtime, with the lights out, just listening to what’s on their hearts.
My boys and I (11 and
love to sit together and read The Marvel Encyclopedia. If superheroes is what they want to talk about when we have time together, that’s what we’ll talk about. I have come to love Thor and Iron Man! 
Best piece of Advice…Don’t label your kids. ex Clutz, chatterbox, etc.
I always try to say ” i love u”, because sometimes we are in a rush and forget to tell them that they are loved.
The best advice? Listen…stop what you are doing and give them your full attention. That isn’t always easy in this techno age. I also like to leave a simple note in a lunch box. Eating together with the TV off is another way we connect. The kids all try to talk at once. They have so much to say when you take the time to listen. Remember, what may seem trivial to us may seem like the end of the world to them. Their life experiences are limited. Empathize with them and work together to solve the issue.
Best advice that I’m putting into practice now is to create a home that feels safe and comforting. Ive tried to stop fighting my son over cleaning his room and now that Im home and unemployed, it’s a pleasure to me to fix up his room while he’s ar school and make his breakfast and lunch as he’s leaving in the morning. He faces the world our there daily bur home is his safe and sacred space where he can always return.
Best piece of advice: be willing to say you’re sorry when you’ve messed. Your kids will learn from you –the good and the bad.
The best ways for me to communicate is a car ride. We have 3 girls 16, 12 and 8 and two boys 4 and 1. If I want to chat with someone, they can run an errand with me. Just us in the car no sisters or brothers or television to get away from me. I also will go play with them if my 4 year is playingin his room with his toys I wl go lay on the carpet and play too, if the girls are in there room, I wil go and ingage myself in their conversation. We also eat dinner as a family each night and share our high and lows of the day
My aunt and my mother both told me to ask open-ended questions (ones that require more than a yes or a no answer) to draw my son out more.
My favorite connect time with my 15 year old daughter is bedtime. We have always spent time right befor eben snuggling and talking about the day. My greatest moment is when she comes to me and still wants our night time moments together, even over texting and TV! I know these moments will not last forever, so I cherish every one.
We ALWAYS have supper together as a family and that’s where most of our talking is done. Even at 13 and 16 they know the importance of meal time as family. But raising teenagers is a very hard task these days….I feel so unprepared.
Spend time with your kids-quality. Both of you put down Facebook, etc. Lol.
I always tell my boys if there is a word that they hear at school they don’t understand to ask and they wont get in trouble if it is an “bad” word. We explain the word or concept to them so they know if it is alright to use the word again. I think knowing that they wont get in trouble for communicating to you is important!
For me I’ve learned that to connect with my kids best I do not need an activity or planned out day of entertainment. I just need to be there. Available to them and focused on them and sitting in the grass in the front yard can become their favorite thing we did all day!
Interesting your are talking about getting your children talking – I used to tell my husband to listen to our girls all the time. Even when they are just blabbering and chattering, because one day they will be saying something you need to here.
We either go for walks or I lie down with them at bedtime.. They love the quiet and one on one time together with mom and it seems to relax them
Having devotions with them. My grown son just brought this up the other week at breakfast out. Good memories of the times we talked afterwards. We used a children devotional book that had short stories and at the end it would ask, Were you listening? Questions followed and they did well in answering them!!
I have just recently discovered that taking my boys on a bike ride gets them talking. Who knew!
My daughter is a little shy about looking right at me when she needs to share ‘tough stuff’. I found that if she can avoid that she is more likely to open up. So, I am careful to make sure we have time to connect after lights out at bedtime. She is lying flat, I rub her back and she chatters on and on. I will admit that sometimes I wish she didn’t have so much to share so I can get on to other things, but I am grateful that she still wants to spend this time opening her world to me because I sincerely want to hear her heart.
We started a tradition when each child started kindergarden, that the family would go visit the place where mom went to kindergarden,. It was a day trip to which included a few of my favorite parks, the places where the kids great-grandparents are buried, and the houses I lived in growing up. This gives me a specific day to share the memories and experiences I had growing up with my kids. We’ve added new places each time we went on the “family adventure” so that after four children, it takes a full day to see everything. With the youngest being in third grade, and the oldest a sophomore, all of them asked to do it agoin this year. It touched my heart, that they still wanted to go hang with mom.
Teaching my child how to pray and praying with him – at any time – after he’s been hurt, when we see a helicopter/fire truck/ambulance, before meals/bed, etc.
My girls and I spend quality time Friday evenings with pizza and a movie. Their pick of course.
Parenting Advice: every season is temporary–give thanks for the smooth, give thanks that the rocky season is temporary and always give yourself and your kids room to recover from failure (grace ‘m)
Bedtime! I love to sit on my sons bed, looking him right in the eye and ask him how his day was and anything on his heart. I find this is the time where he opens up most.
And thanks for the chance to win this book. Sure sounds like a good one.
Colleen G.
The best advice I’ve received is kind of like what Mary said. Always talk to to your kids down at their level so you’re not towering over them.
The best way I have found to communicate with my kids is just setting time aside for just them and having fun. Making time to just enjoy them and letting them know I love them and that they are very important to me in every way opens the door of communication up for us to have great conversations!
The most recent best advice I have experienced is :
Remember to listen well and pause intentionally.
Give love without expectations. Loving my family in each moment for who they are not what they do. Just as our Heavenly Father loves us.
More is Caught by our children (of any age) than taught
And most importantly…..
Pausing to practice patience and waiting for His answers.
I don’t have kids yet but I think these books will be very helpful when I do!
“This too shall pass”….works at all stages and phases, and gives me HOPE!
The best advice about parenting I’ve ever gotten was from my dad. He said, “You are always teaching them something. Figure out what you want to teach them in every circumstance.” Thanks Dad!
My favorite time connecting with my kids is at bedtime. I love talking with my daughter and asking her about her favorite thing that day. Reading together and praying together. It’s just “mom and me” time and I hope to continue to do this! (Although the books may change a bit as we grow
My favorite way (time) to connect with my daughter is during the car rides to and from school. I love it when she shares her day with me.
I am looking to do more with my kids, my daughter is a tween and I want to keep the lines of conversation open.
Belly laughs!!! Last night is was peekabo with the older kids and our baby, other times it is tickling or pillow fights, games of chase or tag. We all end up in a heap laughing at the end, and those connections seem to build a bridge to further communication. The books look fantastic! Thanks to you both!
Family time around the dinner table. Conversation and prayer. It’s tougher than it sounds in todays environment especially as the children get older.
Some of the best advice I can give – Don’t yell at your children. If your kids are afraid that you will only get mad at them and yell, they won’t want to talk to you. It’s hard sometimes. You get frustrated with them. It’s important though that we respond to every situation in love. This teaches them to respond to others in love. This is how God responds to us. Teach by example and leave the relationship open to communication.
Family dinners at the table. Conversation and prayer. It’s harder than it sounds in todays environment especially as the children get older.
Just love them and keep them before God was the best advice I’ve gotten. My daughter also likes girl time with just her and me to just talk or do an activity of some sort.
I have 3 girls and to me a great way to connect with them is girls day out!
My favorite piece of parenting advice is to model and teach “Believe the best” about others (especially siblings!)
I have a teenager now and its getting harder to talk to him. He doesnt want to hang out at home anymore, he wants to be with friends. Im not sure how to open up the lines of communication. I also have twin 10 year olds and they still want to be around mom and home. When they are talking to me I try to get at eye level and really pay attention to what they are saying to me. We have good conversations quite often. Hugs and I love yous are very abundant in our house.
Our kids treasure our time…..we should never be too busy for them. Include them in what we’re doing and be interested in what they are doing. Today is a gift from God…..and so are our children!
I would love to receive the Giveaway pkg!!! As a Grandma of 4 it’s very important to me to see my Grandkids grow and mature in Christ!! My 12, 8 & 8 yr olds profess Christ and the 6 yr old has not as of yet. I love to talk to them about the daily things in front of them that remind us of God’s goodness!!
I have six children ages 25, 23, 19, 16, 10 and 7 as well as two grandsons ages 2 and 4. I try very hard and consciencly not to ever compare one to another. It is much more fulfilling to embrace the differences and celebrate their uniqueness.
Beth
One of my favorite things is when the power goes out and we all gather around the table with candles and play board games. And camping because there arent all the distractions.
best advice… I heard on the radio one day that you should keep a notebook and write things to your child/teenager and then they write back. It really helped communication, it seemed easier to write things out instead of ending up yelling at each other…