All The Single Ladies

First, be sure to head to Roomag to check out the week-long giveaway blitz that starts today. Candace Cameron Bure (DJ Tanner from Full House) and I are up for today’s giveaways.

Second, two winners to announce:

Of the Valentines Giveaway from last week: Stephanie ( the Stephanie who left a comment on 2/8 at 5:01 p.m.)

and

Of Lynn Cowell’s His Revolutionary Love package: Patti Bodenhamer

Congrats ladies! Send your home address to kim@proverbs31.org so we can get your prizes out pronto.

Lynn’s Valentine’s story got me thinking back on my younger, single days.

I remember early in college, when it seemed everyone was getting “the ring”, I often felt left out.

Today, since I have several close friends who are single and a nearly 21 year-old daughter who gets invited to weddings regularly (of her closest friends from high school, several are already married, her best friend is married with a baby and others are nearly engaged) I see singles who feel “less than” or “left out”.

Now, I wish I could go back in time and talk to my single self. Yes ma’am. About patience and timing and enjoying where God has you instead of whining about where He’s not yet allowed you to go.

And, I also wish I had been more like my daughter.

Rather than fuss and fret,  pout and sulk, she is placing her trust in God and enjoying each day as it comes.

Smart gal.

I have observed how it doesn’t seem to bother her that she is still single when most of the old gang is not. (It may, however, bother her when well-meaning people say insensitive things like “So…no ring yet?” Hello! She is only 20!)

There is another smart (and clever) choice that Kenna has made.

Even though she doesn’t have a ring on her finger, she has been writing to her husband for the past 6 1/2 years–since she was 14 years old.

When she was in junior high, she grabbed herself a journal and began pouring out her heart to the man who will someday place a ring on her finger.

Although I have no idea what she’s written (and I only recently found out she’d been keeping such a journal) I imagine when she feels lonely, or left out or “less than”, she is telling him how worth the wait it is to be in God’s will; how she is praying for him and wondering about him and looking forward to their future together.

If you are single, can I encourage you today?

You are loved.

You are valued.

You are so worth the wait.

And God loves you more than any man ever could. (spoken by the woman who learned quickly that a man does NOT make you whole, complete, happy, etc.. Only God plays that role).

If you are single, will you please leave a comment today telling us about you. Are you divorced? Widowed? Never been married? What is hardest for you about being unmarried?

Then, how about the rest of us married cyber sisters (who do NOT have perfectly happy lives) commit to praying for one of these gals today and tomorrow? (Feel free to comment below their words where it says “reply”. Even write out a short prayer if you’d like.)

One of our single sisters will be chosen to win this giveaway.

It includes:

~ a cute tote bag (from my cosmetologist daughter)

~ some Bath & Body Works PS I Love You Lotion (God’s words to you)

~ and a red faux leather journal from me (to write to your future husband or to pour your heart out to God. The Bible makes it clear that some people have the gift of singleness)

Remember, married or not, you are loved!

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59 Comments

  1. I am 50 and single and always felt I missed out on having what all the other girls received, and off to the side watching as they meet, marry, kids, house and the sweet family life.

  2. I just turned 50 in Dec and I am single, never been married. I am happy being single because God is my husband. I look to Him for all that I need.
    Yes, it is hard at times not to have the physical presence of someone beside me to share life with but when I start to feel lonely I think about how much my Heavenly Father loves me and cares for me. I am blessed to have a very close relationship with my family and I have some very close friends that are always there for me when I need them to physically be there to help me with something.

  3. Thank you for such an encouraging post. I am a 30 year olds ingle mom, never married. The two hardest things for me is 1-my daughter wishes for a dad and at times feels “left out”, and two having someone there. I rejoice that my dad and brother-in-law are here for her but it does break my heart when she has those hard times.

    1. Kelli I’m praying for you today from one single mom to another. It breaks my heart to know that my daughter will never know her father through no choice of her own. I feel the hardest parts are yet to come as she is going through those wonderful teen years. I just trust that God will help me lead her in the right directions in life and be the best father she could ever have.

  4. Thank You Karen for this blog and also for blessing us with such sweet things to win.

    I just want to say that being single on Valentines Day stings a bit but I know that God cares about each one of us ladies so dearly and tenderly and He will show us that His love is enough for us and not to believe Satan’s lie that if God doesn’t give us a boyfriend / husband then He must not really care about us. God does care about us and His timing is best for us.

    I was divorced twice by the time I was 29 and at 30 yrs old was living with my 3rd guy that I thought was gonna be husband # 3. God broke through my rebellious heart and I chose to break up with #3 due to wanting to serve God with my whole heart and because #3 wanted to still live in sin. Fast forward 5 yrs to the present I am still single and serving God and even though I heard through the grape vine that #3 got married (that hurt alot) i am going to choose to believe that God is in control of my life and has good plans for me too since I am trying to please Him with my life. Blessings to all :)

  5. I’ve been a widow for 4 months now. What I miss the most is hearing him call me by his pet name for me…”Gracie!” I also miss hearing him say “I love you, you know!”
    With God’s love and grace, I am making it one day at a time. There are good days and bad, but our wonderful Lord always gives me what I need to get through.

    Have a blessed day!
    Phyl aka Gracie :)

  6. For several years I didn’t want to get married because of things that have happened to me as a teenager/young adult. I was afraid of marriage. However, for the past two years my thought about marriage has changed. I’m now 42 and there may not be anyone or any hope left for me. Throughout my adult life there have been some men who were interested in me but for the wrong reasons and I wasn’t interested in them. There just hasn’t been anyone in church interested in me. It’s hard having my closest friends married. I start wondering what’s wrong with me. I want that love and companionship.

  7. Thank you Karen for your post. I am 38 and divorced. My first Valentine’s day alone my sweet deacon’s wife told me that I had already received the best Valentine ever….Jesus Christ. I have never forgotten that. On days when I am not feeling so loved, I turn to His love letter to me, the Bible.
    Praying for all of us single gals!!!

  8. Thanks for today’s devotional. I am single, never married, and the hardest place for me to go is to church. Although most of the time it isn’t intentional, church is geared so much toward the family. Yes, church is the family of God but it often doesn’t seem that way. Then, again, there are the family oriented holidays and everyone seems to think someone else has asked you over to their place for that holiday. I lost my mother over 30 years agao, my father this past summer. I am thankful for my heavenly Father, my husbandman, that I can turn to every day, every minute, but it still difficult and the tears find their way down my cheeks.

    1. Sweet Nancy. So sorry for your loss and that you feel lonely. Have you tried to find a specifically singles group, maybe at another church that offers one if yours doesn’t?

  9. I love the image of Jesus being your bridegroom. And I love that you don’t just settle for marrying the wrong person just to be married. I have seen that happen & it usually ends in another divorce. Thanks for sharing, Karen.

  10. Thank you for today’s devotional. It hit home in many ways. In a few days I will be 54 and a few days after that I will have been divorced for 25 years. The hardest part of those 25 years has been being alone. Weddings and Valentine’s Days were always tough as was simply watching other couples walking hand in hand. I think I miss the companionship the most. I have my three (grown) children, many friends and a full and active life. God plays the most important role in my life, but sometimes being physically alone is painful. I would like to get married again someday if it is within God’s will but I want to marry God’s choice for me, not the wrong choice just to avoid being alone. In the meantime, Jesus is my bridegroom and I am falling deeper and deeper in love with Him every day.

  11. I am 55 and divorced from an alcoholic husband who recently died. I believed God for years that he would restore our marriage But it didn’t happen I raised my 7 children pretty much alone I am busy and strive to be happy but the world seems to be coupled and i also am a 3rd or 5th wheel Its hard to dance alone and some one to share life with would be so awesome I don’t even have contact with single church going men Church is SOOOO geared to the married coulpes I feel alone much of the time I never thought Cod wouldnt give me the desire of my heart.

  12. I am 34 and single — never married. The hardest thing for me is the lack of companionship. I feel like everyone has someone. Even my single friend has two children. Everyone seems to have their person, but I have no one and I feel like I have to milk off of others (i.e. hang with my parents, hang with my sister and her family or my brother and his family). I’m always the fifth wheel. I’m not a person who thinks I have to have a man in order to be happy. I rather be alone than settle for the wrong person, but I must admit that I do wish I had someone in my life that was my person. :)

    PS – My small group at church is named All The Single Ladies — I picked that name for us because we are all single and in our late 20s to early 40s.

    1. I am sure you are NOT a fifth wheel, but a blessing to be with. Love the name of your group :-) Praying for you today Shannon.

    2. Shannon,
      I know exactly what you mean and how you feel about the fifth wheel. I have a daughter but she’s a teen now and slowly pulling away to spend more time with her friends. That means I get evenings and weekends alone often times. I also hang with my parents during those times and sometimes feel like a fifth wheel. My cousin is also single (divorced after years of marriage) so we try to get together once a month which helps. Stay strong in your faith that you haven’t settled for Mr. Wrong simply to have a person! That takes lots of strength! That’s great you have a church group like that. Wish I could find one around my area like that. Haven’t seen anything yet. I’m from a small town so that is probably why.

      Praying for you today Shannon!

      ~Devin~

  13. Karen, thank you so much for your blog entry. I’m 41 & never married. So many blogs focus on family, being a mother or being a wife & I’m none of those things – so sometime I feel left out. I’ve enjoyed reading the comments of the other ladies & I realize I’m not alone. I wish you all a Happy Valetine’s Day!

  14. Thank you, Karen, for this post :)
    I’m 38, never married but hopeful… I have built walls around my heart all my life for fear of getting hurt or rejected. I was abused as a child, or rather, as a teenager, which I’m sure ‘helped”. I can’t seem to be able to create a healthy and lasting relationship – I just don’t know how :( but I know with God I can do it!!
    I don’t know if He wants me to remain single or whether He has another role for me. But, like Kim above, I’m using this waiting time to get closer to God and to depend on Him for the ultimate companionship.
    I’m generally happy and content, and try to use my time to serve others. But I do have worse days when I’m desperate to be married… My area of struggle is sexual purity (in thought mainly – thankfully, God has kept me from going too far while dating, but I am very tempted). I’m also afraid sometimes that when I meet the right man and we both want to make this lifelong commitment, I’ll be too old… Yes, I will still be able to love and I will be wiser and more mature BUT my body will not look good, I may not be able to have children, etc.
    I don’t think I’ve ever been as honest wih anyone about this. I know it doesn’t sound super-spiritual but it’s the way I feel. Please pray for me!
    xxx
    P.S. Happy Valentines Day :)

    1. Aneta,
      I am late reading this, but will be praying for you today. I don’t know what God’s plan is for your life – whether there is a husband or children in your future. But I DO know that HE knows the plans He has for you. I know that He created you, just as you are, for a special purpose. So as I pray for you today, I’ll pray for peace about your situation, and for your heart to be glad today – just where you are, and that perhaps God will reveal a measure of understanding about how you can be a blessing and find His purpose for you.
      God Bless you !
      Kathleen

  15. Hi, Valentines Day is good. I’m single, 55. I think my main thinf is to be content. I would love to be married. I also want a husband “to find a good thing”, who is a blessing and well- rounded. For all those who like something fun for Valentines Day, here is an idea
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezVib_giTFo

    1. Hi Corinne,
      I pray that you can be a beautiful gift for that special man that God chooses (has chosen?) to be your husband. I love the way you put it… a good thing, a blessing, a well-rounded person.
      Happy Valentine’s :)
      P.S. Loved the vid ;)

  16. I’m 32 and single, and if you would have told me 10 years ago that I’d still be single, I wouldn’t have believed it. I feel like my place is to be married with a family, but when you haven’t met someone yet, you just have to keep going. It’s been hard to not be bitter about being single when the majority of my friends are married, and have kids. I just haven’t met the man God wants me to be with yet… I know that you shouldn’t live your life based on someone else, but it is hard “waiting” to meet someone.

  17. Karen, thanks so much for your sensitive heart towards us single girls! I am a divorced, single mom of three wonderful teenagers and am so glad God is my Valentine. Married or single we are outrageously loved by our creator. Happy Valentines day!!

  18. I’m a single mom of 2 college women and have been single for 10 years. Thanks for sharing the thoughts above. Happy Valentine’s Day…but remember…don’t wait for a certain day to tell your friends, family, spouse, special person in your life that you care. tell them everyday!

  19. Praying for you ladies that God bless you with caring, thoughtful, and loving friends –that you know He is there for you and loves you beyond measure.

  20. I am a 32 year old single mother to a wonderful (almost) 14 year old daughter. Her father chose not to participate in her life when I learned I was pregnant at 18 years old. I made some poor life choices which led me there but I thank God every single day for giving me her. She literally saved my life. I have devoted my life to taking care of her and making sure she knows she is loved. I have never married nor do I have much time to date. I keep praying to God about that future husband. I know he is out there and God will lead him my way when the time is right.

    This time of year can definitely feel like “Single’s Awareness” time. However, I know & trust that I am in just the right place in my life and am doing what I should be doing. Almost all of my friends are married at this point but I don’t dwell on that fact. I am happy to know that the failures I’ve went through are leading me to the right person. I take comfort in knowing that I haven’t settled for less than what I deserve. I’m happy for all of my married friends and pray for them all of the time. I hope they do the same for me. I am happily single and enjoy being able to spend all of my time with my daughter. Thanks for this post to all of us single ladies! It’s great to have recognition this time of year.

    1. Devin – I am praying for you specifically today. God bless you for choosing life for your child. I thank God for bringing her into the world, and I hope you realize that you are a very special woman and that He chose you to be her mother. Our children do have a way of turning our lives around when we are sensitive to put their needs before ours. I pray that God will continue to richly bless you and supply all of your needs.

  21. Praying for all the singles gals out there that are waiting for that special someone. I remember being single and not being happy about it at all. I desired to be married so badly that it consumed me. Then in August of 1998 I was in a car accident. It put me in the hospital for 11 days followed by 5 surgeries and over 2 years of recovery before I was totally healed and back to being as normal as I could be. God used that time to draw me closer to Him and to help me learn that my desire for companionship should be with Him first. My focus shifted from trying to find a boyfriend to deepening my relationship with Christ. About 6 months after my accident I was set up on a blind date and we were married 1 1/2 years later (2 months before I turned 30). I was still on crutches when we got married and went on our honeymoon We have now been married for 11 1/2 years and have 4 kids. God had a plan and brought my husband and I together at the perfect time.

  22. Thank you so much for this. I am 36 and never married. My high school & college sweetheart (the man I thought I would marry) was killed in a car accident a week after my 22nd birthday. I build “walls” to protect myself from letting anyone get too close out of fear of getting hurt . . . but God is so good and faithful. He has helped me tear down these walls and I am blessed beyond measure with Godly friends (married and single, with children and without) and feel that I have found some measure of contentment. I struggle with feeling “left behind” when single friends get engaged/married and/or married friends have children and our friendships change (as they should) . . . for the most part though, I love my single life and am learning to see it as a gift. :)

    1. Jenni– Thanks for sharing your story. So glad to hear you have friends surrounding you as a single gal.. Cyber hugs to you!

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