Facing Hospitality Fear with LaToya Edwards

Ever have knots in your stomach when getting ready to have company?

Today’s topic? Facing and overcoming the fear of hospitality. Our guest? My fellow Roomag.com contributor and new cyber friend, the lovely LaToya Edwards.

LaToya is a single, homeschooling mom of two and a graduate student. In her spare time {haha} she loves to read, listen to music and write.

She writes about life in all its ups and down over at Christian Momma {www.christian-momma.com}

Here she is with her thoughts on this common issue:

Growing up I believe I had a misconception about hospitality. I never really heard the word used in a way that wasn’t connected with entertaining. {Karen makes this distinction in her book} Because I thought that I needed to put on a grand affair in order to be hospitable I stayed away from it.

Really when it comes to hospitality I have three major reasons {excuses really} that keep me from opening my home to others:

~ My house is not decorated:  I have never mastered the art of interior design. There was a short stint in my teen years where every inch of my wall was covered with a poster or picture of my favorite teen idols. Once that was over it’s been bare walls ever since.

To me, I have furniture because I need something other than the floor to sit on, the TV needs a place to go other than the floor, and I need something soft to land on when I crash for the night.

My home always looks like I just moved in or like we’re about to pack up and leave.

~ I’m not a fantastic cook: I didn’t spend a lot of time in the kitchen growing up. My mom didn’t really like anyone in the kitchen when she was cooking, especially around the holidays. And by the time she wanted to start teaching me, I preferred to sit in my room and read.

Cooking is an area that I have struggled and struggled with. It took my dad 10 years to teach me to fry chicken and I just in the last few months mastered the art of cooking bacon.

Most of my family is excellent cooks and I feel like I don’t measure up to that. {I usually offer to bring drinks when we get together}.

~ I’m a perfectionist: Really this is what it boils down to. If I’m going to do something then I want it to be perfect. If it’s not going to be perfect then there’s no point in trying.

I’ve been working towards overcoming this struggle and I’m proud to say that I’m making some series strides towards reality. Unfortunately this really hasn’t extended towards hospitality for me.

I’m sure that we all have some reason or excuse that keeps us from opening our homes to others. Really when I think about it, God isn’t calling me to have a house of perfection. He just wants me to love other people.  And I can do that with my bare walls, cracked dishes, and crock-pot spaghetti right??

Thanks LaToya!

Since today’s topic has to do with fear, for our giveaway we have a copy of my Proverbs 31 sister Micca Campbell’s book An Untroubled Heart: Finding a Faith That is Stronger Than All My Fears

To be entered to win, leave us a comment with your fear when it comes to hospitalty. It can be a great one or a silly one too.

REMEMBER: We are also interacting over at Karen Ehman’s Book Studies on Facebook. Click here to “like” the page & join us.

185 Comments

  1. My fear is being negatively judged b/c my home is outdated. We are fixing it up, room by room, but I am self-conscious about being judged based on it’s current condition.

  2. Geting my home in order has been my biggest fear/hurdle. I am working on getting rid of clutter. In the past I would have to work like crazy to clear off my dining room table–the place that mail, magazines, and more seemed to breed. It would be frustrating/overwhelming. Now I am determined to deal with this problem and stay on top of it. This way I can enjoy my guest.

  3. My biggest fear is everything… I find everything equally stressful… lol. Will the food be good enough? What will we talk about? Will I say the wrong thing? Is the house clean enough? … etc.

  4. I do a lot of entertaining, but have gone through times of fear, mainly with the condition of my house, carpets etc… I would agonize before my mother-in-law would come for a visit because we didn’t have an adequate quest room for her to stay in. She would have to sleep on a bunk bed futon in a messy “guest” room, “office” and “play” room. A week before she would come I would start decluttering this room, trying my best to make it more suitable. Now God has blessed us with a 5 bedroom home! God is good!

  5. I am often intimidated by “what will we talk about?” This especially happens, if the individual or couple coming over is someone we are just getting to know. I worry about if everyone will feel comfortable.

  6. My fear of what people will think of me keeps me from opening my home up as much as I should. I also am a perfectionist which makes it very hard. I grew up with a mom that spring cleaned twice a year and even cleaned the attic and basement out. If I can’t keep up with my home like she does (which in my mind was perfect) I think why bother?.

  7. I want my house to be spotless when I have company over so it has kept me from inviting people over that often. With 4 kids and being a homeschool mom I know my house is not going to be spotless. I need to learn to not let it bother me and invite people over anyway.

  8. Even though I work extra hard to make sure it is, I always fear my house will not be clean enough or my food will taste good enough.

  9. I always felt ashamed or embarrassed by my house. I always had hand me down furniture that always had stains or rips that I coverd with sheets, but as I have gotten older I have come to realize that it’s not about those things! I love having people over even though some of us might have to sit on the floor or snuggle up closer on the couch! We are our worst enemy when it comes to hospitality. I think of my house as God’s house and everyone is welcome!

  10. I can really identify with the comments today. I am very thankful for my house but it is up ‘alot’ of steps AND I worry about people not being able to climb the steps to get in. We love the house, once you get in it :) We are praying to be able to sell it sooner than later, since we aren’t getting any younger. Other t han that issue, I wouuld love to be able to entertain. I keep saying, …WHEN we get another house, I’ll entertain! There may not be that day…it isn’t promised. I pray to make the most of my NOWs. Thank you!

  11. Fear factor is right. So many comments are my issues, too. I realize the changes I need to make including focusing on my guests and not me.

  12. My house is always a wreck! I have 4 kids and we have stuff everywhere! Working full time, I dont’ have the time to clean up like I should to have guest over.

  13. My fear is that the conversation will not flow especially when you entertain those you do not know well.

  14. Fears? Empty space…people sitting and no one talking…nothing to do… I get so nervous trying to “serve” that i find it hard to relax sometimes.

  15. I deal both with the fear of not being a perfect hostess as well as social anxiety. I always feel like I won’t say the right thing or that there will be long awkward silences.. Thanks for the encouraging words!

  16. Whenever I go to a friend’s house, it is always put together and the food/coffee is wonderful. I don’t drink coffee, and my design tastes are completely different from others. I feel that my house is not clean enough, not decorated enough, not good enough, and when people come in they will immediately judge it and smugly realize that their house is much better. And I can’t make coffee!!!

  17. Oh girls, I really like having people come over, but for some reason something always happens and our home is less than ready. We have three small children, ages four and under, and it’ can be a bit of a challenge to have a toy uncluttered house. I get nervous when people are coming over. I want to be a good hostess. I thank God that there are women in my life that are so gracious. They help clean up when I’m not looking. It is out of love that they do. I pray that God will strengthen me in this area. Yes my walls are bare, there is no wreath or sign that says welcome. I totally can relate to this post!

  18. My BIGGEST fear is my home and the clutter that comes along with having lots of children around. I have a total of 8 children (all boys). My 21 year old no longer lives at home but that still leaves 9 people to share the house with (husband included). There is always some type of mess around or toy to step on etc. Oh and I can’t forget our dog who loves to plop in the middle of the floor and act like she’s a part of the carpet! Needless to say, my days are filled with endless clean-up!

  19. i feel the same way you did and do. i am a single mom of 4 young men and going back to school and i have always felt like i have nothing to offer and my house is always a like a cyclone has hit. i love to cook and i compliment myself by saying i must be doing something right whereas my kids are still alive and healthy. lol. i have to rely God’s Word everyday and read my devotionals whereas i have a mustard seed of Faith. your story gives me a peace of mind whereas i thought i was alone in this. thanks so much for sharing.

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