Facing Hospitality Fear with LaToya Edwards
Ever have knots in your stomach when getting ready to have company?
Today’s topic? Facing and overcoming the fear of hospitality. Our guest? My fellow Roomag.com contributor and new cyber friend, the lovely LaToya Edwards.
LaToya is a single, homeschooling mom of two and a graduate student. In her spare time {haha} she loves to read, listen to music and write.
She writes about life in all its ups and down over at Christian Momma {www.christian-momma.com}
Here she is with her thoughts on this common issue:
Growing up I believe I had a misconception about hospitality. I never really heard the word used in a way that wasn’t connected with entertaining. {Karen makes this distinction in her book} Because I thought that I needed to put on a grand affair in order to be hospitable I stayed away from it.
Really when it comes to hospitality I have three major reasons {excuses really} that keep me from opening my home to others:
~ My house is not decorated: I have never mastered the art of interior design. There was a short stint in my teen years where every inch of my wall was covered with a poster or picture of my favorite teen idols. Once that was over it’s been bare walls ever since.
To me, I have furniture because I need something other than the floor to sit on, the TV needs a place to go other than the floor, and I need something soft to land on when I crash for the night.
My home always looks like I just moved in or like we’re about to pack up and leave.
~ I’m not a fantastic cook: I didn’t spend a lot of time in the kitchen growing up. My mom didn’t really like anyone in the kitchen when she was cooking, especially around the holidays. And by the time she wanted to start teaching me, I preferred to sit in my room and read.
Cooking is an area that I have struggled and struggled with. It took my dad 10 years to teach me to fry chicken and I just in the last few months mastered the art of cooking bacon.
Most of my family is excellent cooks and I feel like I don’t measure up to that. {I usually offer to bring drinks when we get together}.
~ I’m a perfectionist: Really this is what it boils down to. If I’m going to do something then I want it to be perfect. If it’s not going to be perfect then there’s no point in trying.
I’ve been working towards overcoming this struggle and I’m proud to say that I’m making some series strides towards reality. Unfortunately this really hasn’t extended towards hospitality for me.
I’m sure that we all have some reason or excuse that keeps us from opening our homes to others. Really when I think about it, God isn’t calling me to have a house of perfection. He just wants me to love other people. And I can do that with my bare walls, cracked dishes, and crock-pot spaghetti right??
Thanks LaToya!
Since today’s topic has to do with fear, for our giveaway we have a copy of my Proverbs 31 sister Micca Campbell’s book An Untroubled Heart: Finding a Faith That is Stronger Than All My Fears
To be entered to win, leave us a comment with your fear when it comes to hospitalty. It can be a great one or a silly one too.
I fear that guests will want to “tour the house” Crazy, I know. If I just kept my house up to par all the time it wouldn’t matter, but I am a busy Mom who works 50 hours outside the home each week. My focus when cleaning tends to be the main living space and kitchen. The spare rooms are neglected. Maybe I should just put up some caution tape and they wouldn’t ask? lol, yeah.. I should probably just make time to keep those areas clean too!
One of my fears is about our decore and cleanliness. Like laToya, I am no decorator and our house looks like a college dorm!!! Seriously! We have minimal furniture and it’s all on the cheap side (our couch is futon). We moved into our home 2 years ago and I haven’t done much decorating. We still have the curtains up that the previous owners left behind. And, we don’t wear shoes in our house, but I don’t know that our floors are really clean enough for people to go barefoot! I’m horrified at someone going home and finding that their white socks are full of dirt after walking around on our floors without shoes on.
I’m always afraid my home, cooking, hostessing skills (or lack thereof), etc. will be judged. And I am very aware those fears take away from my enjoyment and maybe some of the enjoyment of my guests. But I can’t get those thoughts out of my head!
I worry about my home not being clean enough or that the food may not meet expectations.
We are renters and have GREEN carpet. For a long time I would make a joke or a comment about how we rent and I would never have chosen green carpet. Now I don’t mention the carpet, I just say, “this is home!”…my attutude about it has made a huge difference. :)
Used to be the house not being clean enough, now it’s a yard mostly torn up. I just close the curtains.
I am always fearful that people will look at my house as plain. I do not have many decorations in my home just because with my three young children I do not have much time to shop for my home.
My fears are keeping all the details in order. I get nervous and am not very organized. I always end up forgetting to put something on the table or forgetting to do something and honestly worry about other’s impressions which is something I need to get over.
My fear is the little socks and shoes that are consistently covering my floors!! ;) Oh why do five children have to have so many shoes?
I too am a perfectionist when it comes to my home/cooking etc…. I would rather have NO one over than have to show them my imperfections. Wow, I am reminded that my pride is HUGE in saying that…. I will be working on that for certain!!
My biggest fear is having the house put together and organized. I often feel like I should have done more, etc.
I can identify with the no decorating thing. . . that is just so NOT my thing! I can keep my house clean, but i feel like it doesn’t have any personal touches. The only decorating that happens is what my husband picks out! :)
The fear of failure. My home isn’t nice enough, the food isn’t tasty enough, etc.
My fears used to be all of the above until
I finally realized people felt more comfortable
when my house was a little messy, when my kids
weren’t acting perfect and I hadn’t quite
pulled it all together yet. I had done prep
work to where they felt welcomed, but it isn’t
perfect. Then I had people start saying they
felt like they were at home. That is when my
fears subsided.
I think it is the fear of people judging me by my old house, old furniture, etc.
My fear used to be that my home would not measure up in being perfect and that my meal would not be perfect, but as I have gotten “more mature” I just want to enjoy my company and serve them as my guests.