Hubby-First Hospitality with Guest Sheila Gregoire

Welcome to those of you who popped over after reading my Proverbs 31 Encouragement for Today devotion. If you want to take a peek at it, click here.

We are in day two of our three-week online study of hospitality based on my book A Life That Says Welcome: Simple Ways to Open Your Heart & Home to Others. You are not too late to join. Click here for details.

WOW!! What great interaction yesterday on what makes you feel welcomed. I LOVED reading the comments! And, I can’t wait until Friday when you get a chance to share (through a link up if you have a blog or a comment if you don’t) your best company recipes! Get your aprons on!

Now, for today’s topic.

In the book, I talk about how I became convicted that I would spend loads of time and effort on outside guests while feeding my own family leftovers or peanut butter and jelly. It is easy to pull out all the stops for company and never put effort into our own kin, especially our husbands.

Our hubbies would like some pampering and good food once in a while too. And they’d also like some good….well, you know! “Horizontal fellowship” :-)

Today’s guest is here to share about putting our hubby’s first. I love the clever name of her blog. And, she’s just written a book on marriage too and the all-important physical part of it our dear hubbies so enjoy :-)

Welcome my friend Sheila!

Sheila Wray Gregoire is a marriage speaker, author, and blogger at To Love, Honor and Vacuum. Her brand new book, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, is available now!

From Sheila’s heart:

To be truly hospitable is not just to be cordial and generous. It’s also to put people at ease, and that involves authenticity far more than it does the correct table setting or the perfect meal.

And we cannot be authentically generous with guests unless we are first generous with those we love most. Hospitality begins at home.

Does your husband feel as if he is the most important person in your life? Here are some ways to ensure he knows that he is precious to you:

 ~ Greet him first when you meet each other at the end of the day. Whether you’re arriving home from work or he is, let his embrace be your first, before the kids or before any others. Banish distractions from your day, think about what you love about your husband, and give him a big, welcoming kiss!

~ Express gratitude and admiration. When my husband and I were first married, I loved to say, “I love you”. Those were beautiful words to me, but they just made him more and more withdrawn. What he needed was for me to tell him why I loved him. He needed to feel that I appreciated him and noticed the things he did. So I started saying, “Honey, you are such a great dad with the way that you read to Rebecca last night.”

~ Build him up with words when others can hear. Brag about your husband to your friends and family. Don’t let criticism towards your husband come out of your mouth in everyday conversation. What you say often determines what you think; say the positive, especially when he’s in earshot.

~ Step outside your comfort zone with hobbies. Many women despair that they never have time with their husbands, but men tend to communicate more side by side, when doing things together, rather than face to face, when sitting down talking. So do things he enjoys, rather than waiting for him to sit down and talk with you. Go fishing, go to a hockey game, take up jogging, and you’ll find that you laugh together more, have fun with each other more, and communicate more.

~ Draw boundaries. Make sure that you always have couple time, even once kids come. Keep your bedroom to yourself. Keep bedtimes for children consistent. Snatch time during the day to rejuvenate yourself, so that you prioritize couple time at night.

~ Finally, initiate sex. Yep! I don’t think most women realize how much a man’s sense of worth is tied up in whether or not his wife desires him sexually. It’s not just about sexual release; it’s also about a deep intimacy that men (and women) experience when we make love.

When we throw ourselves into it, we say to him, “I love you. I desire you. I want to share everything with you.” And making love is one of the main vehicles that God created for us to express this.

If you have issues in this area, that’s okay. God can help you through them! But don’t give up. Believe that sex is a wonderful thing, believe that it can—and will—be wonderful, and throw yourself into this beautiful part of your relationship.

 Now for the day’s giveaways:

One commenter will receive a signed copy of my book A Life That Says Welcome. Another will get a copy of Sheila’s book The Good Girls’ Guide to Great Sex.

(I’ll bet I can guess which one your husband hopes you win!)

Okay, to be entered, leave us a comment with a way you can make a husband feel welcomed, wanted and honored in the home. (But leave the racy ideas to private conversations with your friends, ok? My kids read my blog! :-))

Remember, all winners will be announced the day after Easter and you may comment on all posts up until then to be entered in the random drawings.

 So, how do you pamper your hubby?

NOTE: Remember we are also interacting over at Karen Ehman’s Book Studies on Facebook. Click here to “like” the page & join us. Starting this weekend there will be giveaways there too based on info from the book!


  1. I wouldn’t change my husbands snoring through the night for all the silence in the world. It is a constant reminder of how lucky I am to not be alone., and that God chose him as my special gift to look after for the time being. We are truly each others best friend, spending all of our spare time making each other laugh til we cry. He STILL excites me after 38 years of marriage. The honeymoon will never be over! Keep smiling!

  2. I send him to work with home-cooked leftovers packed lovingly. His single co-workers are always admiring his lunch.

  3. Greeting him when he comes home with a hug and a kiss, instead of complaining about how bad your day may have been.

  4. I greet my husband when he comes home with a hug & kiss. He feels honored by me stopping what I am doing to welcome him home. We also try to set aside one night a week for a date night at home after the kids are in bed.

  5. I have been praying that God will show me ways to put my husband first. I have 2 married sons, each with two grandchildren. I also have a daughter who played volleyball to pay her way through college. She is living at home and taking a couple classes at our local college in preparation to get her masters. In addition, we have a son who graduated high school a year ago and is taking courses at the local college until he has to transfer to the main campus. This is the first year in 17 years that we are not traveling all over the United States to watch one or more of our kids play sports. If there was a game we were there. Now that we have four grandchildren, I watch two of them two days and the other two, two other days. Our lives seem so busy. I’ve been trying to do little things to show my husband how I appreciate and love him, such as making him iced coffee in the morning along with a healthy breakfast. We as a family are trying to eat healthier and eat a diet to help lower my husbands blood pressure and triglycerides. I am looking forward to receiving my book as I know it is a God thing that I read about this study on the Proverbs 31 devotion. Thank you for sharing something that is a strength to you, to me that is very weak in this area. Blessings to you and your team.

  6. I do my best to have supper ready or near ready when he arrives home from work as well as a glass of iced tea ready for him. I also try to have the clutter in the kitchen cleared away so our home can feel relaxed. I do child care in my home, so it is always a buzz and overwhelming…but I try to make his arrival peaceful.

  7. This is an area I definitely need to work on but I can say I get up every morning and make his lunch and try to fix things that I know he enjoys.

  8. My husband once told me that he feels loved when I cook a meal for our family so we can all eat together as a family as often as possible.

  9. My hubby and I both love to eat so I always try to prepare his favorite foods. Sometimes when I pack his lunch I will slip in an “I love you” or “Can’t wait to see you” note.

  10. I strive to find at least one thing that he has done well or helped me with and I recognize that. I make sure that I thank him for what he did and let him know that I truly appreciated it.

  11. My husband and I send each other “3 things” via email each day. I send him 3 things I am thankful for about him. Sometimes it’s “Thank you for cleaning up the table.” Sometimes it’s “Thank you for being a great daddy.” Sometimes it’s “Thank you for deciding to be my husband.” When I focus on what I am thankful for, it makes me a better wife.

  12. Lettin him sleep in occasionally! Wisking the kids away and out to the coffee shop for a special treat…special time with mom and rest for a hard-workin and deserving hubby!

  13. My husband has been busy working to get his teaching certificate. Yesterday he took the last test that he needs to finish his goal. So on Friday evening I cooked him a special dinner to wish him good luck and we spent the evening just relaxing and watching basketball games on TV.

  14. Sounds silly and probably trivial, but I try to remember to buy him the snacks or candy that he likes. He knows I try eat really healthy – so when I make the extra effort and remember to pick up things he enjoys, he gets really excited. Sounds goofy but he always says how much he appreciates it when I do!

  15. I would like to show my thanks to you just for bailing me out of this difficulty. Proper soon after researching by means of the world wide web and seeing strategies which are not valuable, I figured my entire life was gone. Existing minus the approaches towards the issues you’ve fixed by way of your main guideline can be a crucial case, and ones that would have in a negative way damaged my entire career if I hadn’t discovered your internet site. Your primary ability and kindness in playing with all items was precious. I’m not positive what I would have done if I hadn’t come across such a answer like this. I’m able to at this moment look forward to my future. Thanks for your time very considerably for this impressive and result oriented guide. I won’t be reluctant to refer the websites to any person who should receive direction on this issue.

  16. Wow all of these comments are great…..they really make me think of how I need to make my husband feel loved. I have to admit I am the stay at home mom who still does chores after my hubby gets home. I really need to change this so that I can focus on him after a long hard day at work! Praying God will help me do this!

  17. My husband and I are still in college, and we are coming up on 2 years of marriage! One thing that has been difficult is that he is a morning person and i am night owl! so i like to stay up late and finish my homework and study, and he likes to wake up at either 1, 2, or 3am to work on homework. For those times when that happens, there are certain things that i like to do for him! first for valentines day i made him a dry erase picture frame, so i can leave little notes. So at nights i would always write something new that i have noticed something that he has done recently that i appreciate, then i like to write him a letter, and third i get the coffee pot going and have it ready to start brewing right when he gets up!

  18. Well, I think I have been so focused on myself and all that I have to do, that I haven’t even thought of a way to make my husband feel welcomed and wanted. Thank you for this post and all the ideas. I certainly need to change my selfish ways.

  19. Telling him how much he means to me, and how much I appreciate him and everything that he does for me.

  20. I don’t live with anyone but my 4-legged babies. But I even relate this to myself. I will clean up my home and cook a nice meal for friends, yet for myself I eat PBJ, cereal, or pizza. I could show a lot more self-love and take care of myself better by treating myself like company more often.

  21. Someday it feels more like a chore than others, but fixing him breakfast and packing him lunch. I know he appreciates it and it makes me want to do it more. This is surely something I know I need to work on, as he is such a wonderful man to me. I’ve got this book and am half walf through the first chapter. So far it’s a great read and great insight to things I just don’t even think about. Kudos for a new insight into the unspoken world!

  22. Sometimes when he is sleeping I lay my hand on his back and pray for him while he is sleeping. He is a pastor, and we are partners in so many ways in the ministry. I am so blessed to have a godly man to love and honor. Our walk has not been easy…very difficult at times… but what a joy to see a righteous man be faithful to his calling.

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