Hubby-First Hospitality with Guest Sheila Gregoire
Welcome to those of you who popped over after reading my Proverbs 31 Encouragement for Today devotion. If you want to take a peek at it, click here.
We are in day two of our three-week online study of hospitality based on my book A Life That Says Welcome: Simple Ways to Open Your Heart & Home to Others. You are not too late to join. Click here for details.
WOW!! What great interaction yesterday on what makes you feel welcomed. I LOVED reading the comments! And, I can’t wait until Friday when you get a chance to share (through a link up if you have a blog or a comment if you don’t) your best company recipes! Get your aprons on!
Now, for today’s topic.
In the book, I talk about how I became convicted that I would spend loads of time and effort on outside guests while feeding my own family leftovers or peanut butter and jelly. It is easy to pull out all the stops for company and never put effort into our own kin, especially our husbands.
Our hubbies would like some pampering and good food once in a while too. And they’d also like some good….well, you know! “Horizontal fellowship” :-)
Today’s guest is here to share about putting our hubby’s first. I love the clever name of her blog. And, she’s just written a book on marriage too and the all-important physical part of it our dear hubbies so enjoy :-)
Welcome my friend Sheila!
Sheila Wray Gregoire is a marriage speaker, author, and blogger at To Love, Honor and Vacuum. Her brand new book, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, is available now!
From Sheila’s heart:
To be truly hospitable is not just to be cordial and generous. It’s also to put people at ease, and that involves authenticity far more than it does the correct table setting or the perfect meal.
And we cannot be authentically generous with guests unless we are first generous with those we love most. Hospitality begins at home.
Does your husband feel as if he is the most important person in your life? Here are some ways to ensure he knows that he is precious to you:
~ Greet him first when you meet each other at the end of the day. Whether you’re arriving home from work or he is, let his embrace be your first, before the kids or before any others. Banish distractions from your day, think about what you love about your husband, and give him a big, welcoming kiss!
~ Express gratitude and admiration. When my husband and I were first married, I loved to say, “I love you”. Those were beautiful words to me, but they just made him more and more withdrawn. What he needed was for me to tell him why I loved him. He needed to feel that I appreciated him and noticed the things he did. So I started saying, “Honey, you are such a great dad with the way that you read to Rebecca last night.”
~ Build him up with words when others can hear. Brag about your husband to your friends and family. Don’t let criticism towards your husband come out of your mouth in everyday conversation. What you say often determines what you think; say the positive, especially when he’s in earshot.
~ Step outside your comfort zone with hobbies. Many women despair that they never have time with their husbands, but men tend to communicate more side by side, when doing things together, rather than face to face, when sitting down talking. So do things he enjoys, rather than waiting for him to sit down and talk with you. Go fishing, go to a hockey game, take up jogging, and you’ll find that you laugh together more, have fun with each other more, and communicate more.
~ Draw boundaries. Make sure that you always have couple time, even once kids come. Keep your bedroom to yourself. Keep bedtimes for children consistent. Snatch time during the day to rejuvenate yourself, so that you prioritize couple time at night.
~ Finally, initiate sex. Yep! I don’t think most women realize how much a man’s sense of worth is tied up in whether or not his wife desires him sexually. It’s not just about sexual release; it’s also about a deep intimacy that men (and women) experience when we make love.
When we throw ourselves into it, we say to him, “I love you. I desire you. I want to share everything with you.” And making love is one of the main vehicles that God created for us to express this.
If you have issues in this area, that’s okay. God can help you through them! But don’t give up. Believe that sex is a wonderful thing, believe that it can—and will—be wonderful, and throw yourself into this beautiful part of your relationship.
Now for the day’s giveaways:
One commenter will receive a signed copy of my book A Life That Says Welcome. Another will get a copy of Sheila’s book The Good Girls’ Guide to Great Sex.
(I’ll bet I can guess which one your husband hopes you win!)
Okay, to be entered, leave us a comment with a way you can make a husband feel welcomed, wanted and honored in the home. (But leave the racy ideas to private conversations with your friends, ok? My kids read my blog! :-))
Remember, all winners will be announced the day after Easter and you may comment on all posts up until then to be entered in the random drawings.
So, how do you pamper your hubby?
NOTE: Remember we are also interacting over at Karen Ehman’s Book Studies on Facebook. Click here to “like” the page & join us. Starting this weekend there will be giveaways there too based on info from the book!
I pamper my husband by giving him dark chocolate, when I see he had a tough day. I buy a bag or dark chocolate bars and put them away. It works and changs his attitude about his day!
I work on the weekends. So, during the week I am in charge of the house. To let my husband know how much I truly love him I will have his tea ready when he walks in and also make sure to keep on the laundry. Sounds silly I know…but that is what he needs me to accomplish every day that I am home. Its so simple, but it means so much to him. So, I do it because I love him and want to show him that what he needs is important to me as well.
I do spontaneous things like wait for him in the parking lot at work to bring him lunch although I should do them more often because my hubby really enjoys them.
I try to leave my husband notes in his truck or on his pillow telling him why I love and appreciate him. My husband works very hard. He runs our business AND our farm! So, I try to make it a point to set 20 minutes of my time aside when he’s had an extra rough or busy day to rub his free while he relaxes and watches whatever game or show if his liking is on. I’ve found this to bring us closer. Thanks for another great topic!!
My 3rd marriage in the later years of life finds me with knowledge from past experience good and bad.
This is an issue that really has to have some effort put into it…never make your man feel as if he is an afterthought. Altho I have lots of projects going on and could keep him very busy, I have learned to back off…At least one evening a week, I find something to celebrate with a little extra effort put into dinner, the mood, etc. Whatever seems appropriate at the time; from a candlelit dinner, to sitting by a fire on a cool evening. I have found just a little extra attention gets his attention fast! During the course of his work day on a daily basis I send little text messages or call and leave a message on his voice mail especially when I know he will not be able to answer. Through our time together I have worked at making little ‘words’ mean special things to just the two of us…they evoke a memory, a special moment, a special feeling…words so simple as ‘Oreo’ that means something very special to the two of us…my messages are always upbeat and personal that makes him feel very special. Notes are left in his brief case, on his pillow, in his shirt pockets, jacket pockets, in the shower stall….possibilities are endless…this takes very little extra effort once you get in the habit….it actually becomes very rewarding to onesself when you see the results of these simple random acts of attention! The idea is to not be predictable, but spontaneous so he never knows what sweet act of kindness is coming his way! I promise this alone will increase his attention for you, his appreciation and definitely keeps a spark going!!
I always drop everything to greet him when he walks through the door. I’ve also taught my kids to do the same that way he knows he is ALWAYS missed and welcomed home!
I think this is an area I could really use help .. Since having children, I seem to devote more of my time to them and less to my husband. We always enjoyed doing more together and I think I need to set aside some special time for him .. Thanks for the reminder!
Wow, this has really got me thinking! I was able to think of lots of things that I used to do for him, but haven’t done any of them in a long time. ? It seems with having a child, working, and starting my own business I have allowed my priorities to slip. Thanks for bringing me to this realization! I just sent him a cheesy text “I love you more than chocolate” We used to do this all the time by text or a little note. We got super cheesy and creative, it was always fun to hear what each other thought of. (At Thanksgiving it was I love you more than all the pumpkin pies being made today”, tomorrow I think it will be “I love you more than all the pollen on the ground”, lol)
I thought your idea was fun, so I text my husband that I loved him more than the birds love to eat drowned worms…he text back, “eewww!” :)
Paula and Anna, you both made me laugh out loud. But I love those ideas too! :)
I love the idea about greeting your husband first when you arrive home. I had tried that for a while recently but I have my mom, and two sons vying for my attention so that idea fell by the wayside. However I will renew that effort today.
I often affirm how much I love my husband by just telling him so. Saying thank you for making this incredible dinner in front of our family. Sometimes I will text him in the middle of the day and say I love you. Affirming words are what I think is appreciated most. If those incredible dinners are any indication!
I leave love notes in his lunch box
I struggle in this area, too. I work full time and my hubby is retired and working part-time. Throw in a kiddo at home and one at school and, well, I appreciate the fresh perspective from this conversation and some new ideas!
I admit I have a hard time with the whole appreciation concept.. I do alot around the house and I work fulltime. I want to figure out some little things that will make him feel special. I want to be a better wife and make him feel happy. Anyone have any starter ideas I would appreciate it.
A neck and back massage and he melts like butter. He feels relaxed.
Something I’m working at improving is to pray with my husband. It’s amazing what that does for both of us as well as our relationship with God. Even though we have nightly prayers as a family before the kids go to bed, I think that praying together with my husband is powerful.
I wake up every mornings and make him a breakfast and lunch and kiss him before he leaves for work. I try to make dinne ready for him when I work a late sift at work. I put Bible verse in his lunch box. I thank him for his hard work.
WE ARE BOTH RETIRED AND WE HAVE A LOT OF TOGETHER TIME. I TRY TO FOCOUS ON THINGD HE LIKES TO DO. HE ALSO DOES THE SAME. SOMETIMES I NEED TO REALIZE HE NEEDS TO BE BUSY DOING HIS THING LIKE WHAT WANTS TO WATCH ON TV NO HAVING TO SHARE WITH ME. WE BOTH TRY TO MAKE THE OTHER ONE KNOW HOW MUCH THEY ARE LOVED. NOT ALWAYS EASY WHEN YOU ARE TOGETHER 24/7 BUT WE LOVE IT THAT WAY, GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS. AFTER 48 YEARS TOGETHER WE STILL HAVE TIME FOR THE LOVING IN BEDROOM. IT NEVER WEARS OUT PRAISE GOD.
I try to prepare my husbands coffee the night before so all he needs to do is turn it on in the morning. So no preparation for him to do.
Our chilren and I wave out the front window as my husband drives away to work.
At the end of the day when my husband comes home (i’m a stay at home mom with four boys four and under) I try to make sure the boys and are excited that he’s home. We meet him at the door and welcome him.
My husband really likes it when I work with him/help him outside…like helping him move tree limbs, pulling weeds, putting out mulch, planting flowers. I try to help him with those things when I can, and we enjoy our time together. I’ve made an effort to help him do these things ever since he told me once that he liked it when I did things with him…He felt like I just wanted to be with him and spend time with him.
He likes me to spend time with him doing whatever.
I show my husband I care by asking him about the highlight of his day, how was he blessed today. This is our dinner time routine!
I play “Bette Crocker” for him and make him a recipe I think he’ll enjoy. He works nights and I work days – so we are like 2 ships passing in the night. So when he calls me from work during his break – I let him know what I’ve made for him to have at work the next day. He knows I’m doing this out of love for him, because I am content having pb & j or cereal every night for myself. Also when he calls – I try not to multitask and focus on just him and the conversation (still working on this one lol – ) Love this study so far and would love to win either of the books. Thanks
I have a true southern hospitality friend. One thing that she did on my last visit was have my favorite scented shower gel from Bath and Body Works in the shower waiting for me. She knows me well!!
wow – my husband and i have been going through some very rough weeks with his health, with our marriage,…we’ve been married for 27 1/2 yrs and today we met w/ one of our pastors (twice in 3 days) to discuss many things. I resolved to show him support in front of others. And then your post arrives – he just kissed me good night – i’m sitting here reading the post and all of the other posts and I am amazed at how good God is and how timely his love and direction. wow. i am going to spend time tomorrow writing down all of these ideas – after 27 years of living with a Christian husband, i still have lots to learn (and do!) thanks to all of you ladies.
I am blessed! My husband is a romantic, caring man. One way that I choose to show him just how much I love, appreciate and honor him is by giving him a hand massage. Quiet room, just us, no complaining about my day. I allow him to direct conversation (while I concentrate!) or we simply sit quietly and just be together.
I love my hubby and I am in love with my hubby. My hubby works at home and I work outside the home part time. My hubby is also in school studying to become a pastor. Our lives are so busy with his schedule, my schedule and our 4 children’s schedule. I try to let my hubby know how important he is to me by getting up early (5:15 am) and I am so not a morning person and beginning our day together with prayer and daily devotion. It is important to him to begin our day with the Lord (and I don’t disagree, however does it have to be so stinking early :) ) I also try not to take advantage of him working at home and asking him to do things for me while I am at work.
Thank you so much for this post and helping me realize that he (hubby) is important and I shouldn’t put him last. Looking forward to the rest of this study. Be blessed ladies because you are a blessing to me!
Smiles & Blessings Abound, Robin :)