Answer Envy & Giveaway with Teske Drake

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But wait–want even MORE freebies? To find out how you can make one simple book purchase from us at Proverbs 31 Ministries and automatically get over $75 worth of mothering freebies including ebooks, helpful printables, Mp3 messages, sample chapters and a Bible reading log from some of my favorite mothering authors, click here. But hurry! Offer ends May 31st.

And finally…question for you–do you love a party?

If so, don’t forget to join me Saturday night as I host an online Facebook party with Candace Cameron Bure (you remember her–DJ Tanner from Full House?) as we watch her new movie Finding Normal at 9pm on the GMC channel.

Candace herself will be hopping on to chat with us live as we watch the movie in our homes while we also connect as friends on Facebook.

Click here for details.


Have you joined us after reading my Encouragement for Today devotion entitled Answer Envy? Thanks for clicking over. {Not read the devotion? Click here to do so}

In the devotion I talked about my struggle years ago to have a baby. So today I am asking my friend Teske to join us.

Teske Drake is a mommy to three babies in heaven, mother to two on earth, and wife to her one and only, Justin.

Inspired by her own loss experiences, Teske serves as co-founder and President of Mommies with Hope, a biblically-based support group ministry for women who have experienced the loss of a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss.

Teske is the author of Hope for Today, Promises for Tomorrow: Finding Light Beyond the Shadow of Miscarriage or Infant Loss (Kregel, 2012) and she leads women to live in hope at

I have asked Teske to hop on today to respond to comments about dealing with loss, especially in the area of having children. You will love her gentle spirit and helpful perspective.

Also today, Teske is giving away a copy of her book, Hope for Today, Promises for Tomorrow: Finding Light Beyond the Shadow of Miscarriage or Infant Loss, along with a “Hope Journal” (a great accompaniment to the book, which calls for reflection and journaling throughout), and a $10 Panera Gift Card.

This is a hope-filled gift for you or a friend whose traveled the tough road of loss and infertility.

So let’s chat. Do you ever struggle with “Answer Envy”? In what areas?

Have you or a friend or loved one experienced heartache in the area of having children?

Tell us about it. One commenter will be chosen to receive Teske’s giveaway. Winner announced Monday.


  1. Our first grandbaby was born in heaven. We are lucky enough to have 2 other grandkids but those pregnancy weren’t easy either.

  2. Answer Envy: Wanting to once again have the wonderful relationship with both of my kids that I once did! And not understanding……….they are not mad at me, nothing is wrong, we have always been close and with both of them…………won’t answer their phone, won’t call back, don’t seem to want to see me,don’t ask about what is going on in my life. Saw neither one for mother’s day. I was a single mom(my husband left me).My children were my life………wish they just wanted to be a PART of mine. I just am glad when I do talk to them or see them. I want them to want to be a part of my life and not a obligation.VERY hurtful and confusing!Plus both of them are away from the Lord! If I could just know that was good……..I would be happy! Oh! So happy. One day, Lord, I know you will make it right. ME and MY HOUSEHOLD WILL BE SAVED!!!!!!! Standing on YOU alone. I am praising YOU now, Lord and speaking it into existence in Jesus name!

  3. It seems like this devotion came out at the perfect time for so many women. Two days ago I was at my Home Group through my church and was expressing the struggle I was having with envy. My husband and I went through a miscarriage in January. Our baby was at 11 weeks and 2 days. We were just about to tell EVERYONE that we were pregnant and then I started bleeding. I read so many stories on the internet of people bleeding and everything being fine but at my ultrasound my baby wasn’t there anymore.. It was devestating and I was silly to go to that ultrasound WITHOUT my husband. I know that miscarriages commonly happen in the first trimester so medically I understand but emotionally I am still struggling. My best friend is pregnant with twins and was 2 weeks ahead of me (due in July) and another good friend was 3 weeks ahead of me (due in July). I think that has made it so much harder and this is where I need strength from the Lord to not throw a pity party for myself and be a great friend to those pregnant friends. Since our loss I have seen 7+ friends/acquantiances get pregnant. Some trying and some not trying. My husband and I are trying again and have been unsucessful so far. I am stressing and feeling like I am so behind by not being pregnant right now which I know is irrational. I have so many people tell me to “not think about it” and it will happen but with all of the pregnant friends and working at a family practice where I am surrounded by the “baby boom” that is happening in my town it is impossible to not think about it. I know that if I didn’t have God I would be going crazy. I am so thankful to know that He loves me and has a plan for us. We hope that lots and lots of babies are in His plan for us but will take whatever He gives us with open arms. I am so thankful to be able to share my story with people who understand. I feel alone because most women don’t talk about their losses. Thanks for your ministry and for reading my story.

  4. Hi this blog and article about “answer envy” couldn’t have come more perfectly! I too was engaged once at the age of 23 and we were so young! The engagement ended I became a single Mom to a beautiful little boy. Flash forward eight years later I am still a single Mol:-) My sons father is still very much in our lives my son and him are very close and he is his assist baseball coach. With that bring all great he is also married as of 6 years ago. While I have accepted that it was hard for me to watch the blessings being bestowed up on him and not me! Why God why? Since then I have dated did the online thing but found nothing but heart break. Three years ago my Best friend whom is now living in LA called me to tell me she was getting married to a wonderful man whom actually happened to be her neighbor and who is a marine. I was so Jealous! I lost my chance of brides maid bc of my envy. The reason for that is bc I refused to attend her wedding it was to painful for me. She too had been a single Mom of an 8 month old little girl from a prev relationship- why was God answering her prayers and still not mine! I grew up in a broken home so having my own family has always been my dream. I did end up flying to her wedding with my then 5 year old son and it was wonderful. So fast forward 2013 I am still single! I am to the point now where I am longing to wanting to expirence being pregnant again I would love a little girl and I am praying for a husband. I don’t know if I am to actively seek by being in control or waiting on God. If y’all could keep me in your prayers I will most certanly keep you in mine. Thank you for reading my story. C.

  5. Hi karen! Thank you for this time of venting and to know these thoughts of mine or struggles that I am not alone in the envy department! I hate it, I hate it and I hate it to envy anyone especially knowing how the Lord feels about it! I was in a relationship and married with my former husband since 16 and divorced 4 years ago after 30 plus years together! I came to know and love the Lord the last 5 yrs of my marriage, he rejected it. It wasn’t until Jesus that I found true love and loved me husband thru forgiveness and letting go. Now, on my own for the first time and through countless mistakes, Envy creeps up many times over! Wanting and desiring to find a man of God to love me as Father does is a strong desire this year! Friends say to go to dating sights but to scared too plus I feel I am pushing ahead of God’s plans for me! What hurts so much is seeing my married friends doing everything together, leaving church together, go out together and I feel so alone with envy! Don’t get me wrong, I am so happy for them, I don’t want anyone to experience this loneliness as i do! My children are so wrapped up in their family life and live a good distance from me! I work long hours and just can’t see a light and lose hope many times! I even cry over happy endings in my favorite hallmark shows not because it’s a happy ending but “when God when is it going to happen for me? When will You bring a mate for me to share my life with! I have missed out of this my whole life, never experienced that kind of genuine love in my marriage! You bought Adam a mate, why not me?” Hahaha, is this not pathetic!!!

  6. Right now, am in a place where i wonder if God is actually hearing my prayers. All my life has been a struggle, i actually dont like commenting on posts, but when i saw today’s devotional, it spoke to me…from the time i was born till now, everything has been delayed in my life you know, i didnt start walking on time, didnt get into school on time, didnt get married on time and now i have been trusting God for my baby and it seems He is sooo silent. Yes, i know all about envy and heartache and pain, where is God in all this? I have served Him all my life, y hasnt he given me my babies? My younger sister got married last year and she is already pregnant, all my friend already has kids, am surrounded with people who are pregnant and i just wanna go crazy. Why cant i have just a moment of happiness…why?

  7. Wow, sometimes I have a problem with this…I prayed for a husband and was married at age 26…by time time I was 30 my husband had serious mental health issues, and I endured 16 years of fear as he raged, threatened, and went from delusional and paranoid to psychotic. He finally took his own life a year ago, and it was such a relief. My kids are in college now, and I live alone, and quite frankly, I look at women who have husbands who love them, and I have a hard time. I have come to accept God’s plan for my past, but it is very hard for me not to question His plan for my uncertain future. I love Him so much! But I would like to have a husband who loves me.

  8. Hi Teske,

    I have experienced both “answer envy” and infertility, usually together! My husband and I have gone through much with infertility, including many miscarriages and failed IVF. It’s been a long, rough road over over five years now, and we are still praying for a healthy miracle.

    I usually keep my pain very separate from my feelings toward others, but I will say “answer envy” rises up a bit lately, as everyone I know seems to be having twins! It’s mostly just between God and I, that I think, “oh, nice, you give them two and won’t even give me one!”. It feels so much more harsh than if they were just having one! Kind of like God’s glory is being shown off in them having two (which I love), but it reminds me of my loss and unanswered prayers. Especially knowing how God could easily answer my prayers.

    At the end of the day, I am learning to trust that God is in charge of my story, and in using it to glorify Himself. His great character is all over the Bible. I know He is good, He loves us and He wants what’s best for us. Learning to trust, despite the pain in the circumstances.


  9. My sweet sister-in-law suffered a miscarriage at 12 weeks. She was devastated, having seen the baby pass, and struggled to get through this time. She was relieved of that pain when finding out she was pregnant again, several months later. Though she felt nervous throughout the pregnancy, her sweet baby boy arrived last August. She and my brother were overjoyed and falling in love with their son. At one week shy of four months old, his life ended, due to SIDS. This devastation has been so much for her. She feels so much guilt because it happened at the babysitter’s house. It has been six months, but meanwhile, I have had my fourth baby. My sister is pregnant. My other brother and his wife are expecting. There seems to be new life all around her. It is so difficult. I want to be a source of hope and comfort for her, but here I am with a little boy the same age as as her son when he died. And I have three other daughters. I pray for her daily. I hope it helps. I hope she prays and has hope for the future.

  10. Hi Teske,

    I happened to stumble upon this blog while reading Proverb 31s blog. I remembered I had won a copy of this book from you during a Live Webcast a few months back. I never received the copy, however, I did receive an email that I won the book.

    God Bless

    1. Please email me ([email protected]) so that I can connect you with the publicity group that took care of the giveaways for the webcast! We want to be sure that you get this in your hands! So sorry that you haven’t received it yet!

  11. Answer Envy…don’t I know it! This last Wednesday was the 1 year anniversary of losing my son at 22.5 weeks. It was a miracle I ever conceived him in the first place and ever since I lost him I keep wondering if God is going to let us have another…and if he does, will we lose the next too? It’s amazing how this past year I’ve been plagued with questions for God…sometimes why did you let this happen but more often will you let me have another try? I have no good answers and finding peace in that silence is incredibly difficult.

    I’ve been reading my favorite author’s new book Victim of Grace (Robin Jones Gunn) and she tells a story (better read firsthand!) about how not knowing the end of the story makes all the early details much scarier…but once you know how everything turns out you wonder why you were ever worried in the first place. I keep trying to remind myself that God knows the end of my story and whether or not I’ll ever get to be a Mommy. Until the rest unfolds I MUST learn to rest in the midst unanswered questions…

    1. Hi Jana

      My daughter also lost her son at about that same time frame. There are several WONDERFUL groups on the internet that she belongs to that have been a lifesaver!! Please email me directly @[email protected] and I will be happy to share all of the links with you!! <3

      With love,

  12. Envy is part of our human fallen sinful nature, but I struggled for 12+ years in my waiting period before God gave me my husband. Yet I have no desire for children because of the gifts of teaching young children God’s True Word. He has taken what breaks my heart and for me to teach them.

  13. My envy is also in the area of marriage. My boyfriend and I have been together since college and we have a handsome 10 year old son. It’s been 13 years now and although I feel we are getting closer to a lifetime commitment, I am still waiting. The good part about waiting is we’ve grown over the years and worked out alot of kinks in our relationship. I’m ready for the complete package and I struggle with when my time will come!

  14. I just lost a baby due to miscarriage. I was only 7 weeks, but my heart was broken. I have 3 wonderful kids, and when we unexpectedly found out I was pregnant we felt it was a gift from God. 3 short weeks later we lost the baby. I’m struggling with trusting God with this……I know that He gives and takes away, but it is so hard to understand when you’re actually going through it. I just pray that he would help us to grow through this, and that He will use it for our good and His glory.

    1. Nikki, My prayers are with you! The Lord hears you and I believe He will honor your desire to grow through this for His glory! Cling to hope!

  15. And as usual, God is ALWAYS on time…today I struggled with Answer Envy, as I am alone after the unwanted breakup of my marriage, family years ago – and I struggle with staying strong and having boundaries in any new relationship – which, because of the “way of the world” – leaves me alone much of the time because the few men (that have expressed an interest) leave when they find out that yes, at 54 years of age, I will NOT compromise my beliefs just so I am “not lonely”. I won’t settle for less…I see many of my women friends do just that, out of fear of the future without a companion – they worry that time is passing by – disappointed to see even Christian sisters and brothers lower their standards because they’re tired of waiting…I get lonely and frustrated and tired and wonder if the Lord will answer my prayers for a Godly mate…and hearing from a friend on her engagement (yes, to a wonderful Christian brother) and while I am happy, so happy for her….I suffered from answer envy – although I didn’t know what it was, until I opened up this devotion!! Thank you, Lord….this spoke straight to me. God bless all of you, in your wait, whether it be marriage, children, the return of a prodigal child…anything. He keeps His Word…He answers…in His time. I know He will…..

  16. I have been envious of others at times who are married with children. There lives seem perfect, and I am 51 years old and I can’t say I am a wife or mother. I am a girlfriend so Lord wiling I might be a wife someday, but having and raising children is something I won’t have.

  17. Thank you for your message. I too struggle with answer envy. After having a miscarriage then a healthy child I lost my health and have been unable to pursue further children.

    I envy moms who have their health and can keep up with their kids much less enjoy them. I envy women who have supportive husbands. I envy children who have close siblings as I never did and mine will never. I struggle to not let the sadness of the situation steal the joy I should allow my one child to provide.

    Thank you for bringing light to the subject and encouragement to us!

  18. Boy, do I struggle with it…I am very answer envious of a friend of mine…it just seems everything always works out for her even when circumstances may seem difficult. But for me….just when I think things are back to a “normal” a disaster occurs even when I pray for strength….the wear and tear of these circumstances have me in tears a lot of the time.

  19. My husband and I married at a very young age. I was 16 and he was 18. Our marriage was a bumpy road and I often wonder why my prayers were never answer. During our journey through a rough marriage and lack of faith in Christ, we found our way back to Christ and our way back to each other. We always wanted kids and actually started seeing specialist when I turned 21. After 12 longs years I found out I was pregnant in April 2013. This was a shock because it was unexpected. We were content with knowing that we may not be able to have children and after so many years and so many people around us have been blessed with multiple babies; here I was standing there holding my very first POSITIVE pregnancy test. God has not forgotten me and I stood there feeling like Jacob….I’ve wrestled so many years with God and it has finally happened. I was 4 weeks when I found out I was pregnant. It was week 8 when I found out my baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks 4 days. I miscarried this passed Tuesday, week 9. Our hearts are broken but our faith and spirit isn’t. We trust the Lord has a bigger plan and his plan is always bigger than ours. I would like to encourage those out there, don’t ever give up hope in God. It is through our trials in life that our faith grows. God is always faithful and He will never leave you. We are happy that we were able to enjoy the pregnancy while it lasted. We are even more excited to see what God has planned for us in the future.

  20. I am the mother to two heaven babies and three earthly children. My heart is heavy desiring more but thankful for what we have been given. I am so thankful that others are sharing their experiences and heartache…many seem to have an easy time conceiving and do not understand the pain involved in the waiting and uncertainty many of us struggle with…

  21. I stood by the side of a dear friend who carried a baby for awhile before finding out that she lost it. She didn’t think that she would be able to have any, but praise God she is pregnant and 1/2 way there!!!

  22. I’m a Mom to 8 not many people know that about me as I only have 4 here with me 3 were early miscarriages and our sweet pea Seth. Envy, bitterness, lost hope and anger, anger at those teens getting pregnant and anger towards God, are all feelings that I felt after we lost our Seth in 08, we were 16.5 weeks into our pregnancy when I got the news that my babies heart had stopped beating. This had been our 4th lost and was to be my pregnancy to help me heal from the thematic born emergency transfer and surgery that our son had gone thru in 06 were thru prayer our little boy over came all obstetrical and is now an almost healthy very happy 7 year old. After we lost Seth I lost all hope as far as I was concerned there was no such thing as God how could there be? how could he put 1 person thru so much heartache? I was lost so lost for years, but because I have great friends that never gave up on me I can now tell you that there is a God, there is a reason for everything that he has laid on me, I am a stronger person today because of it all. 3 years ago we gave birth to Hope our beautiful and final child who has lite up our world, last summer I did my profession of faith. All because of the power of friends, prayer and GOD. I am not healed I will always long to hold my son again but I now have faith that I will hold him I am a better Mom now and I will admit that if it wasn’t for that envy that I felt at the beginning I’m not sure I would be the person I am today.

    1. Thanks for sharing a piece of your heart with us, Michelle! It’s a freeing thing to be able to look back on past hurts and fine purpose in the pain. Your brief testimony reminds me of Psalm 71:21-26! Check out those verses…I think they will be an encouragement to you!

  23. Im 56 Ihave preayed all my life for a friend
    I have prayed for years for a christian husband nope . I have waited for god to show me a purpose for my life nope
    i guess gods answers to me are just always going to be NO
    whats the point of a life that was totally useless

    1. Heavenly Father, I pray now for precious Dee. May you comfort her, draw her close to you through your son, Jesus, and be an ever present help to her! Your Word gives us assurance that you have a future and a hope for each of us (Jeremiah 29:11) and that your plans for us are good. May you give Dee a glimpse of hope to grasp and cling to when worn down by the seemingly unanswered prayers of her heart. Amen.

      Dee…you are loved by the God of all creation! May you find rest in His love today, my friend.

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