Better Together with Jill Savage {Giveaway of a Hearts at Home Conference!}

Today’s post is from my friend, Jill Savage!

Jill Savage is an author and speaker who is passionate about encouraging families. She is the author of seven books including Real Moms…Real JesusLiving With Less So Your Family Has More, the bestselling No More Perfect Moms, and her latest book on mom friendships Better Together.

Jill Savage at KarenEhman.com

Featured on Focus on the Family, Crosswalk.com, and as the host of the Heartbeat radio program, Jill is the founder and director of Hearts at Home, an organization that encourages moms. Jill and her husband, Mark, have five children, two who are married, two granddaughters and one grandson. They make their home in Normal, Illinois.

Now here’s Jill:

One afternoon my friend Sharron and I sat in my kitchen musing about mothering personalities. As a new mom, Sharron was trying to figure out the ins and outs of mom friendships. She was doing her best to not compare herself to other moms, but finding it hard at times!

Psalm 139: 13-14 reminds us that we are each unique creations. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”  So here’s a question for us to consider: If we are unique creations, why do we keep trying to be like someone we’re not and why do we insist that others be more like we are?

More than any other generation of moms before us, we have both the advantage and the disadvantage of being incredibly connected through social media. Because we are so interconnected, it’s easy to see who we aren’t instead of appreciating who we are. It’s also easy to see who others aren’t instead of valuing who they are. I Corinthians 12:4-6 reminds us, “There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.” (NIV)

It’s verses 15-20, though, that help us to really see both the unity and diversity in the body. Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be?  But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.”

Better Together with Jill Savage at KarenEhman.comCan you see how easily we do this? We need eyes, ears, fingers, and toes–all kinds of gifts and talents–in our mom squad. Too often we whisper to ourselves, “I wish I was more ____________ (organized, spontaneous, creative, etc) like her.”
Pay attention to what kind of word you would put in the blank. It’s one thing to long to be more like someone from a character perspective. “I long to be more patient like she is,” or “I would love to have faith like you do,” are statements that can inspire us to become more Christlike. Any of the fruits of the Spirit found in Galatians 5:22-23 such as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control, are valuable for us to strive for as we draw closer to God. It’s okay to see them in others and be inspired to mature in that way. However, it’s hard to be inspired by Christ while we are mired in self pity. Do you want to be more creative, more musical, more artistic, more outgoing, or more spontaneous? These are temperament and personality traits that you and I were given when God knit us together in our mother’s womb. We have to embrace and celebrate who we are, resisting the urge to want to be someone we aren’t created to be.

We can also use our wishing to impose how we think someone should be. “I wish she was more ______________________,” is a thin-veiled attempt to disguise judgement. Too easily as we relate to other moms, judgement creeps in and stains our thinking. When we can’t accept the differences of others or we feel insecure when we’re around someone who has a strength we don’t have, our heart can easily slip into judgement.

What if we could really understand and appreciate who we are?  What if we could better understand other moms and be more accepting of how they are different from us? How might that make a difference in our friendships?

For many things in life there is no right or wrong. There’s just “different.”  We are each a unique “style” of mom. We need to know our style, and understand both the strengths and the growth opportunities of that style. This allows us to truly be better together!

Want to know your mothering personality style? Take the free online inventory over at www.BetterTogetherBook.org.

Giveaway at KarenEhman.com with Jill Savage

Comment on today’s post for a chance to win a paid registration to this year’s Hearts at Home conference! And don’t forget to check out Jill’s new book on mom friendships Better Together.

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  1. Thanks for this message….It is easy to get discouraged when you feel so overwhelmed and begin comparing yourself to others. It is good to be reminded that we are each unique and there is no mold that we should fit in, no perfect example (except for Christ).

  2. I just found you today, through a book I am reading. And already in one blog post you have opened my eyes to me. Thank you for taking time to help all of us.

  3. Thank you so much for this message. It is a constant battle that I deal with and was definitely something I needed to hear again!

  4. Thank you Jill for these precious words. I sure could have used them in my mothering days but I can also use them in my Grandmothering days now. And I am thrilled to be able to share this with my daughter and my lovely daughter-in-law. Blessings to you and yours?

  5. Insightful reminder how we can easily slip into the trap of comparing ourselves to others and the consequences of such actions. It’s hard to build friendships when we are misjudging ourselves and others.

  6. You always seem to be a step ahead of me for what’s going on in my life! Words of wisdom have helps me through many stages of life. Right now as far as social media I am struggling with as group I’m in that has great encouragement from mom’s, but lately it’s been a lot of marriage complaints and some other borderline inappropriate stuff. I love the encouragement I see so many giving each other and has been fairly good with out judgement. But some is off base. So I am praying for discernment if it’s time to move on, or if I’m there for someone to hear something that’s not off base. I am glad I have ladies like you who bring truth to all parts of our journey! Thanks!!!!!

  7. This is great. We all need genuine acceptance and encouragement. Hebrews 10:24 ” Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.”

  8. Thank you for this encouraging post! I constantly struggle with this problem since my daughter is not a typical toddler. She has been diagnosed with SPD and still doesn’t sleep through the night among other stuff. I fall into that comparison trap to easily. I am looking forward to reading Jill’s book soon.

  9. Love the advice! Can’t wait to read the book! The best kinds of friends don’t care if you are “perfect” in fact they will call you out on your “perfectness” and ask you what’s really going on :) Or they will applaud with you we you brag about your accomplishments today (Shower, 3 square meals, napping toddler, everyone is alive). They are the ones who without blinking an eye will pick up and drop your older kids off from school so you don’t have to take the sick toddler to parent pick up AND stop at the store bring you a box of Clorox wipes because you just used the last one trying to keep the germs at bay. Friends are also the ones that when you find an avengers t-shirt for $1 at Walmart you buy it b/c she would love it and realize that you think she is AWESOME! Most of all mommy friends help boost you up and show you God’s grace and mercy with a dash of humor on the side:)

    1. I am so excited! Can’t believe I won! I sent an email! Was a Whirl wind of a week so this is just awesome!!!!!

    2. Congratulations Melissa !!!
      I am so lucky to be in your group of friends. Our supper mommy friend in common is AWESOME also. A group of 3 mommy friends Is great!! But the best thing for me is how our friendship developed with GOD being the center of it all trough our hearts at home bible study. This is best kind of friendship that I have experienced. I am so thankful to God that after a first move with no friends or family around. Adjusting to an unfamiliar place and the cold with 2 small kids wasn’t easy. But I am so happy God had the a wonderful gift of friendship in store for me. Friends that send you the perfect book to pull you out if your sadness in the exact moment when you need it. Momy friends and daughter friends that share happy times together. An also mommy friends that watch your daughter to help you find your Sense of purpose. I can’t wait to read this book ! ( and our road trip to the conference)

  10. Ugh, something I struggle with, especially with 1 child. He deals with ADHD & I have to remind myself he is not going to live life like other kids. As much as I want him to behave like other kids, do his homework, be organized….he’s just his own unique, awesome, funny, loving, quirky self….and I’m ok with that! God made him unique & he’s gonna blaze his own path in life. I know God has amazing things planned for him! Maybe God is using these MOMents as teaching tools to help others in similar walks.

  11. What a wonderful reminder to not go down this journey alone!
    I would love to go to H@H conference too!

  12. I’m the mama of a 10 month old and have constantly been comparing myself to other moms and their clean homes and well behaved children. The Lord has been speaking to me recently, giving me the faith that he knew what he was doing when he gave me this blessing. She is bringing me closer to God.

  13. I’m forming a group at our church to study this book with other moms! I’ve had the privilege to read it already, and the ladies in my small group are so excited to be encouraged by Jill and Anne…and each other!

  14. Thanks Jill for speaking so honestly to moms who need to hear it! I pray God will continue to use the ministry for his glory!

  15. This is very exciting! I can not wait to purchase this book, I’m not much of a reader but this spoke to me. :-)

  16. Thank you for this encouraging post. I am looking forward to reading Jill’s book, Better Together.

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