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When the Loneliness Crushes Your Heart & Giveaway of Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst

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When the Loneliness Crushes Your Heart. A Proverbs 31 Ministries devotion by Karen Ehman at karenehman.com

“The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.’” Jeremiah 31:3 (NIV)

I will never forget the day of my senior prom. Not because I had a handsome date that swept me off my feet as we danced the night away. Not because I was able to purchase the perfect dress I’d always dreamed of wearing. Not even because I went with a group of girlfriends who all decided to go stag and then had a blast doing “The Bump” on the dance floor together. (Hey, it was the ‘80s, and “The Bump” was all the rage!)

No, I remember the occasion vividly because it was the day I decorated the school gym, set up the food buffet and then went home to spend the evening with the cast from The Dukes of Hazzard as my only companions.

I was on the committee that hung streamers and set out vases of fresh flowers to make the evening magical. And because I worked at the restaurant chosen to cater the finger foods, I also carved a watermelon, filled it with fresh fruit and placed it — along with platters of cheese and crackers and other assorted hors d’oeuvres — for the excited attendees to enjoy. But there would be no prom night for me…………….{read the rest of the devotion at Proverbs 31 Ministries but be sure to come back for the Uninvited book giveaway!}

Giveaway of Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst over at Karen Ehman's blogHave ever struggled with feeling over-looked, left out, lonely, or unloved?

I’m right there with you. It wasn’t just on the night of my senior prom, it still happens to me today. It happens to all of us.

Today I am giving away three copies of the #1 New York Times bestseller Uninvited by my friend and ministry partner Lysa TerKeurst. Within the pages of this book you will find a fresh new perspective and a healing dose of God’s love.

If you’d love to win one of three copies I am giving away, leave us a comment naming a time when you most felt uninvited–like I did when I didn’t go to my senior prom. We’ll randomly choose three winners and announce them here on Monday. Be sure to check back to see if you won!

Ok….tell us when your own “uninvited” moment occurred. But remember what the verse from Jeremiah at the beginning of the post states….

God loves you with an everlasting love!

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179 Comments

  1. When i was 12 and at church, I was left out of their childrens programs.My sister was invited because she is very pretty.I have always felt ashamed of who I was.till this at 54 years old I’m the last one to know anything in the family.I try not to let it bother me.But it does.I am the only one left out of family fuctions.

  2. I picked a dress, i put on make up, I waited with teenage optimism, only to find out no one really wanted to take a date who lived in the trailer park on the other side of the tracks…so my uncle offered to take me. I went from lonely and sad to embarrassed and miserable when my classmates seen who brought me. My uncle has since passed away from kidney cancer and I am so thankful now that I got to have that ’embarrassing’ memory with him because I got to share it at his funeral.

  3. My heart breaks as I see how everyone has experienced being uninvited. I have had many moments of feeling this way in my lifetime. The most recent when my spouse chose relationships outside of our marriage.

  4. As a shy,, introverted person, I have kind of felt uninvited my whole life. I think life would be so much easier if I was outgoing! As a side note, I’m amazed at the number of comments this article has generated. Frankly, it sometimes seems like I am the only adult woman in the world who is struggling with loneliness and a longing for friendship, but there are so many of us out there. Maybe we should find each other:) Maybe many of us fear rejection. I know I do. It’s not easy to take the first step and invite a relationship. Tearing down the wall of fear….there’s another conversation for another time.

  5. I too did not attend my senior prom. I understand how you felt.

    But the time I felt the most lonely was when I had my firstborn. I was in college and all of my friends went out and did things I couldn’t do with an infant. I mainly stayed home by myself. I just remember praying for friends and asking the Lord to place us in community with other believers. My firstborn is now 7, God is always gracious to provide and He has given me lots of friends since then. I’ve also learned that it is okay to stay home with the kids and it gives me a chance to know Him more deeply.

  6. Sadly, right now! A time that is supposed to be the most exciting and as if I’m on cloud9. I am preparing to get married in December of this year and I’ve been going through an overwhelming time of loneliness. I think being a bride just turns you in a big fat baby! You all of a sudden expect extra love and support – but I never expect anyone to stop what they’re doing and have their lives revolve around me or my wedding. This time of transition has just been difficult… the thought of starting my own family when I feel there is still so much to be resolved and settled within my own. I’ve just been feeling very disconnected with people, even from those closest to me, but maybe God wants me to feel this way so that I can turn to Him.

    This is my favorite part of your devotional today and this truly what I hope for the next coming months as I go through this exciting time that God has granted.
    “Although my personal friendships on earth were few and feeble, my relationship with my Creator in heaven grew immensely strong. God carefully cradled my crushed heart in His hands and tenderly rubbed the healing balm of His love deep into its wounds.”

    I would love to win this book to be comforted and reminded of the truth – that God loves me forever and ever. Thank you for such an encouraging and uplifting post!

    -Hanna Park

  7. I’m a 29 year old single mother of one. I was divorced shortly after my daughter was 6 months old and that time was extremely difficult. For months I cried every night. Now 5 years later I’m still unmarried and the ache of loneliness haunts me every day. I go through phases where I’ll be ok and suppress the feelings. But then they will come rushing back like a tsunami. I sometimes avoid going anywhere so I won’t see other couples walking together or just grocery shopping together. I’m consistently trying to keep my focus on the Lord and His loving view of me. How He has a plan for my life and with this time that I am alone, I can give Him more of me. So I treasure it and trust in Him. Then maybe one day He will bring someone to me and we can glorify Him together. Thank you for this post! I would love to have a copy of the book and I can’t wait to read it.

  8. My brother and sister flew my parents to live in an assisted living home to where I live. They passed away 9 days from each other. My husband of 3 months encouraged me to take on this responsibility because they were not living near any of their 3 children. I cared for them and loved them and were with both of them when they took their last breath. My brother nor my sister came when they knew they were dying and many things happened but I never dreamed I would lose my parents and both my older brother and sister no longer speak to me and haven’t in 7 years. Rejection comes in many different ways but when one day you have a relationship and the next day you don’t and you pray, reach out, say you are sorry and continue to be rejected, it’s very painful I know you are to forgive seventy times seven but you don’t have to continue to be rejected. I know that God forgives and loves me and the most important relationship I have is with our Lord, Jesus Christ.

  9. As a targeted parent of parental alienation just because my daughter’s father & stepmother want their little family to not include me, her mother. I believe the relationship between a parent & child should be cherished no matter what so to be the target of this when I have never done anything wrong except exist is just heart-wrenching. Being a mother has been my greatest blessing in this life so the result of this is feeling unloved, un-invited, overlooked and so much more. I know that the Lord loves me but unfortunately it doesn’t help with this loss that effects me everyday the last 3+ years.

  10. I often feel this way with my husband’s friends. He gets to go do a lot of activities with them and I’m never invited. (Usually because we don’t have a babysitter, but still)

  11. There are many times that I can remember being left out. The sad part is , I put up a wall as as child and teenager buy acting tough, mean and acted as if I didn’t care. But back at home, sat in my room filled with sadness. I remember my dad getting ne a small T.V. and having to give it to my younger brothers to keep them busy cause 4 boys could be a handful. For Christmas the only thing I asked for was Woodstock the bird that was Snoopy’s friend but then was told to give it to my younger sister because she wanted it. Through loneliness and being left out even with my oeers, I became a selfish, and hardened. The enemy stil whispers that I am nothing, you can’t do anything, and you don’t matter. But praise God, I do matter because of His loving kindness, his grace and mercy, I am His daughter. I am handmade.

  12. I have felt uninvited when my two sisters will take pictures together at family events (that I was attending too) and then post it on FB with captions like, “I love my sister. She is the BEST!! Sisters and best friends!”.
    Meanwhile, I wasn’t even in one photo with them. I think it’s because they are both skinny and I’m not. I’m the older “uncool” sister. Oh, well. I know I’m precious in God’s sight, but it still stings.

  13. When my grandmother died this summer and nobody said anything. Not that I wanted to be the center of attention or anything, but from our circle of friends, there was no acknowledgement of my loss whatsoever. No cards, texts, emails, or news sharing among our homeschool group like there was for other people’s losses. I feel incredibly ignored and invisible both, despite teaching the children of these people frequently. It hurts.

  14. My times of feeling uninvited have often been at ministry events – whether Sunday services or special functions. I am more of a watcher/follower than a jump-right-in person so if no one draws me in I stay on the outskirts. Even in groups I hold my words for fear of how they’ll be taken. And often by the time I’m ready to speak the topic has changed and it all starts over again. Most of the uninvited feelings are of my own doing, but I’ve yet to figure out how to get beyond my own involvement in the situation. Can’t wait to read this book!

  15. My entire childhood, I felt I didn’t belong. I was the only person of color in the entire town all through my school years. I didn’t look like anyone in my family. I was a child from my mothers first marriage which ended in divorce. I was a product of that marriage, a biracial female. My mother after her divorce moved to another state back to where she grew up. A couple of years later she remarried, to a man of her same race and they had a son, my brother. Consequently I did not look like I belonged anywhere. It was extremely difficult growing up and very painful at times! Kids can be so cruel. What I can tell you is one of my earliest feelings I can recall as a very young child is feeling Alone, isolated, I didn’t belong, I wasn’t like everyone else and not good enough. It has left a deep hole that I have spent a long time on healing. But as painful as my childhood was it is part of what made me who I am today. As I came to understand and know who the Lord was and I looked back and saw His hand throughout my life working on my behalf. God is good, I love Him!

  16. Even as a middle aged mom, there are still mean girls. The ones that don’t think you are fun if you don’t drink four glasses of wine and like to gossip when you are with them. Middle school was a challenging time , but the discontent and competition between moms today can get fierce.

  17. My time of feeling the most “uninvited” was also during my high school years. I, also, never had any problems finding friends in elementary & middle school, probably bc I went to a Christian school for elementary & a small, brand new, Charter School for middle school. I, too, was in the “popular” crowd during the two. When we all moved to high school, pretty much everyone us us went to one of the two public high schools in our county, & majority of us remained together to go to the same one, for the residents of the northern part of the county. However, when we started @ this new school, all of my friends we’re taken in my the popular, “preppy” crowd, the ones w/ sufficiently well endowed parents & that only wore the big expensive name brand clothes. This is where I felt unacceptable. I did not have that lifestyle. Although I probably wasn’t ever, really considered an outcast by them, I definitely didn’t feel “the part”.

  18. I struggle with these feelings on a regular basis. I have come to believe this is my particular “thorn in my flesh”. Most recently I was at a church family camp out and I was feeling so out of place I just wanted to go home. There could have been a number of reasons for my feelings, but I had been looking forward to being with my “family”, so I was rather taken by surprise at this internal struggle! I went to my cabin and told satan to get lost, and asked Jesus to help me be there for others and give me strength to not give in to just feelings. The next day was totally different – Praise GOD! I spent time with some kids, did a craft with some of them, and had a couple of heart to heart talks with a couple of adults. That is what I was meant to be there for. I didn’t want it to everyone over!! God is so good (and patient), and He uses us, sometimes in spite of our feelings.

  19. I would so like to win this book! Way to often I have felt uninvited into situations in life. I am so grateful for opportunities to grow thru the words of others and to learn from their lives. Thank you Karen and others for sharing your words with us. May God bless you and help us all grow to be women of God in all we do.

  20. Honestly, I have felt uninvited all my life. I wasn’t expected, or wanted, and was an embarrassment for my mom as I was proof of an affair with her ex-husband. My four siblings were in their late teens and early twenties; heading out, starting families of their own. We had the same father, but he was also married to someone else by then and expecting a child with his current wife. I was absolutely not invited; and spent my childhood feeling incredibly guilty. Most of my life I have asked God why he knit me in my mother’s womb, why he put me in this family that would have loved to have gone on with their lives without the burden of me. I still don’t have answers, but I know that I could not do life without God’s love and guidance, without his filling my heart in the many times of extreme loneliness and tears. I’m grown up now, but still don’t really feel like I am part of the sibling unit. It’s been even harder since my mom died last year, she was the thread that connected me to them. So I’m learning to lean even more on God and trying not to feel so very left out of everything.

  21. This is something I struggle with regularly, still. My husband has a very large extended family. I am friends with many of them. But when DH’s extended family has other families members at an event, I am no longer “good” enough to be a part.

  22. I remember the first time I attended my home Church after my divorce four years ago. I was surrounded by so many people that called me friend before the divorce. After the divorce it was as if I was diseased, if somehow I came too close to others the “divorce disease” could rub off on them. I reached out to many who had called me friend for many years and nearly all of them turned away. The loneliness I felt was devastating. I had lost my marriage and did not fully understand why she wanted to end our 16 year marriage. I had lost my young children as I would only see them on a limited basis. I had lost my home as I was told to move out by the courts. I had lost nearly all of my friends. And I lost my Church family. I felt so unbearably alone.

    One friend that did not turn away invited me to a support group called Divorce Care that was offered at her Church, she also invited me to join her family the following weekend for a service at this Church. This was a monumental life changing event. The first night of the class I was welcomed and shown love by those leading the class as well as those in the same place I was.

    The following weekend I did attend with my friend and her family. This was a much larger Church than I had ever attended but I felt welcomed and loved from my first visit. I can say that 4 years later I have seen the amazing Love that God has for each of us. I have been lifted up by His love for me in so many ways. I learned to reach out to Him when I felt the loneliness coming back and He has always been there to hold me in His powerful arms to comfort me. I am also so amazed at how He has shown me the Love He has for us and how He now uses me to show others that same Love through a Divorce Care ministry. I am blessed each day by the people I have been allowed to lead to God. To show them the amazing love He wants to share with us each and every day, we just have to remember to look to Him to feel that love….

  23. I feel lonely right now in my season of life because I have had to put my husband in a nursing home due to dementia. He is younger than most people with this problem and it hurts, me and him that he has to be there. But I know I am always loved by the LORD.

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