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When the Loneliness Crushes Your Heart & Giveaway of Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst

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When the Loneliness Crushes Your Heart. A Proverbs 31 Ministries devotion by Karen Ehman at karenehman.com

“The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.’” Jeremiah 31:3 (NIV)

I will never forget the day of my senior prom. Not because I had a handsome date that swept me off my feet as we danced the night away. Not because I was able to purchase the perfect dress I’d always dreamed of wearing. Not even because I went with a group of girlfriends who all decided to go stag and then had a blast doing “The Bump” on the dance floor together. (Hey, it was the ‘80s, and “The Bump” was all the rage!)

No, I remember the occasion vividly because it was the day I decorated the school gym, set up the food buffet and then went home to spend the evening with the cast from The Dukes of Hazzard as my only companions.

I was on the committee that hung streamers and set out vases of fresh flowers to make the evening magical. And because I worked at the restaurant chosen to cater the finger foods, I also carved a watermelon, filled it with fresh fruit and placed it — along with platters of cheese and crackers and other assorted hors d’oeuvres — for the excited attendees to enjoy. But there would be no prom night for me…………….{read the rest of the devotion at Proverbs 31 Ministries but be sure to come back for the Uninvited book giveaway!}

Giveaway of Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst over at Karen Ehman's blogHave ever struggled with feeling over-looked, left out, lonely, or unloved?

I’m right there with you. It wasn’t just on the night of my senior prom, it still happens to me today. It happens to all of us.

Today I am giving away three copies of the #1 New York Times bestseller Uninvited by my friend and ministry partner Lysa TerKeurst. Within the pages of this book you will find a fresh new perspective and a healing dose of God’s love.

If you’d love to win one of three copies I am giving away, leave us a comment naming a time when you most felt uninvited–like I did when I didn’t go to my senior prom. We’ll randomly choose three winners and announce them here on Monday. Be sure to check back to see if you won!

Ok….tell us when your own “uninvited” moment occurred. But remember what the verse from Jeremiah at the beginning of the post states….

God loves you with an everlasting love!

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179 Comments

  1. My whole high school; experience was like that. I never fitted in. Never went to my Senior Prom or any other dance. Never went to any activities at high school. I was a loner and never invite to anything. I wanted to be asked to something but it never happened. It can really be lonely when no one cares if you exist or not. I was overweight so that added to my self esteem to. I made al my clothes which weren’t stylish. I would have done anything to have been asked out. or invited to something.. It hurt really bad.. I’m so glad your tackling this subject.. If we just take notice to how many are lonely and invite them to something their lives would have meaning. Thank you.

  2. Right now, I feel uninvited by my daughter and granddaughters. It’s been 15 days since I have seen them and I have only spoken to my oldest granddaughter for a few seconds. My texts even go unanswered. When I woke up this morning I was grateful to see that I had a missed call from my daughter.

    I am having a hard time transitioning from 14 years of monthly weekend visits to this…

    Thank you for your honesty in sharing your uninvited story and this opportunity for others’ to do the same.

  3. I seem to be in that season of life right now feeling very alone. I am a wife and a mother of 3 young children. My husband works away from home 21 days of the month and I find myself really struggling. I have friends that try to help but yet I still feel alone. I pray that something will come along to help push me in the right direction so I can have some hope to get through this season in my life.

  4. A few years ago I received a tongue lashing from our pastors wife that, earlier I had high regard and respect for. She made several comments on fb that were felt as barbs. I began to feel like the whole church knew and everyone questioned me. Amazingly, God worked through my Mom’s unexpected death and a SS teaching opportunity to rebuild my courage and confidence in God. He also blessed me with several “sister-friends” who have spoken in to that wound, bringing healing. This situation is still being resolved so the temptation to negative thoughts continues.

  5. My biological father and step father were both alcoholics and abusive. I developed an introverted personality during elementary grades and shied away from friendships, fearing people would find out the “truth” about me and my family. This went on all through school. Instead of friends, I studied, graduating at the top of my class. Even though I went on to college, I had no self confidence, I am 59 years old and still get very fearful of crowds. I think people can take one look at me and decide not to bother. I feel very lonely and uninvited; however, I logically can reason that I bring it upon myself, but don’t know how to ever be different.

  6. Wow! I almost got chills reading your story because it was almost identical to mine. I dedicated my life to Christ back in high school and the same thing happened. It felt like a very lonely walk. But I drew closer to God during that time. As I went to college the year after, He blessed me by giving me friends who I could worship with and pray with together. Several years later, I’m still good friends with some of the same people. Amazing how He works!

  7. Just a few weeks ago at church….A group of woman were talking and decided to go to lunch that week and they looked at each other and not Me and said names of people going and I was not listed…..I could not have gone I had to work but I was right there and they did not include Me

  8. I was not ready for your post today. It touched a sore spot deep inside me. One that I try to bury and cover up daily. If I buy, wear, do this, then I will be accepted. But who am I looking to for acceptance? I loathe myself daily. Looking in a mirror is unbearable. I feel uninvited by life itself, as if I am not worthy of the air I breathe. I get by day by day with medication, but am not present for my children or husband because of my own valuation or lack of self-worth. I know HE loves me, but sexual abuse by the pastor of our church when I was a teenager has made me question His love. I don’t have any close friends. The only friend I really have is the wife of my husband’s best friend. I feel alone with no one to be real with. Thank you for listening.

  9. I have pretty much felt unloved for the majority of my life. Growing up, I would play with whoever would accept me for as long as they would. I didn’t have a best friend and still can’t say that I do. My husband left me and married another woman. I was almost engaged another time, but that fell thru also. I struggle with who I am and what God has in store for me. Even with all of those feelings, I can still see the good that God has blessed me with.

  10. My husband has four sisters and I have known them for years. I thought we were close. They talk in front of me about the things they go and do. Then they will look at me and say ” Oh it’s a Sister thing”
    Well they used to include me and call me their Sister also. Talk about feeling left out and alone, it has
    led me down the road of depression for sure.
    I have know all of them for about 45 years , we grew up in the same small town.
    So I have really been leaning on God’s everlasting Love.

  11. I can’t say when was the time I felt the most uninvited, but I can say that it happens often, especially in a group of people. But I’m learning to still be myself when I feel that way and not to put on a mask. But to be the person God created me to be. Thank you, Karen, for the reminder of God’s everlasting love …no matter how we feel that always remains true., praise Him!.

  12. I feel uninvited now. I got hurt at work & have been out for a while. Only 1 friend has contacted me lately. Seems I’m forgotten.

  13. Thank you for this devotion! i have felt different from a young age-don’t really know why-but i am thankful that the LORD has always been there! i have been alone quite a bit through out my life but it has caused me to seek the LORD more so it has been a good thing even though it doesn’t always feel good. Praise the LORD that He loves us and is always here for us even when we don’t feel it! He is so good!

  14. My heart empathizes to hear of the pain you experienced. I ‘felt’ left – out with my first in-laws at times but now realize it wasn’t intentional. Nonetheless, the enemy planted that lie and distorted my view on many occasions. I’ve gone to the Lord and He has revealed where that wound came from (my childhood) and I’m learning to walk in new freedom! Would love a copy of the book to read, gain insights into my life, then pass it along so others can move forward as well!

  15. Feeling left out is how my family has made me feel the past few months. It’s hard to deal with when I feel I haven’t done anything wrong.

  16. So many times. I have to take this verse by faith because my feelings do not match its truth. The year my mom was killed by a drunk driver my dad, sister, and brother all gathered at my other sister’s for Christmas but I was told there was not room for my family. The week after she died they went out to lunch without including me. My daughter has had her mother-in-law and whole family over every Mother’s Day for a big meal but never once invited me. One Mother’s Day she phoned to say I could come for a visit but she would be cleaning because they were having her in-laws for supper. Now we have had Thanksgiving, Christmas, and birthdays for 3 grandchildren and have been left out while other family and lots of friends are all invited. Even in my marriage, we share a house but not much more…decisions are unilateral, responsibilities are seldom shared, little time is spent together apart from meal time. I have friends but I am usually the one to reach out and suggest/organize plans.

  17. Often when we “involve” ourselves- in others, in churches, in any sort of group of people, we are setting ourselves up for expectations from the others who have also involved themselves in the same thing as we have. Being involved can be a good thing, but when we place needs on anything other than Christ, we will face frustration and even rejection. I struggle daily to keep right perspective and focus. But, when I do my best to be open and fully present with God, He never lets me down!

  18. When I got married, I moved away from everyone I knew to live with my farmer in another state. It was such a lonely time but I began teaching and met some folks. After I decided to stay home full-time with our new little son, I was completely isolated. I remember for years I wanted friends. I told my husband I wanted friends, but then I prayed for a group of mom friends. Suddenly a mom group opened up and I had some friends! But, that loneliness comes back from time to time as life changes. He is always there with us, though.

  19. I felt left out when I introduced 2 “friends” and they started going out to eat without me. I acted like I didn’t see them and walked out of the restaurant. I was so hurt.

  20. Most of my life I was made fun of for my hieghth….my build….my nose….my hair….the way I dressed. I was 13 and came home sobbing and was tellingy mom all the cruel things said about me. I told her “it is OK, one of these days, the inside is going to catch up with outside, and I will be beautiful.” Y mother told me how proud she was of me. Those days of constantly not fitting in…can still at times feel like I am not enough. The little chant I oftem heard was not true “Sticks and stones may hurt me but words never will!” those words and names hurt to the core of my soul. God’s love reminds me that He is my creator and He loves me no matter what others may have thought or still think.

  21. When in elementary school, I was always being made fun of because of my size. I am very tall. To this day comments about my height are made. .

  22. I’ve felt uninvited my entire life…at school when I was a girl, in the home where I grew up, and at work as an adult. I’ve boldly tried to step out of my lonely zone (I’m an introvert) and invite relationships here and there, but have sadly found that nobody really seems to care. It’s not like when you were a kid and you could just go up to someone and say “let’s be friends”, or “will you be my friend?”, and then go happily skipping off together.

    No more than three weeks ago I was forced to take off vacation time from work because I’ve accrued too many hours and they needed to be used up. The problem I have with taking time off from work is that I have no where to go and no one to go with.

    I love hiking and camping in the mountains and I’ve talked about wanting to visit one of the national parks to do so. As a single woman, it is not exactly safe to be doing those activities alone. My sister and HER friend took a national park trip over Labor day after I’d shared with her my desire to do that myself. She never once mentioned to me that she was going. Nor did she even think to invite me along. I found out from my mother. That was very disappointing and made me feel very low for several days.

    For the week that I took my “vacation” I stayed home the entire time, didn’t speak to a single person in 7 days time, and felt depressed as I continued to process the fact that my sister was taking the trip I had talked with her about wanting to take for myself. I’d say that would make a person feel uninvited. Uninvited and invisible.

    I know that people will always disappoint us, and I want to believe and feel that God can be my only companion and I will be fine, but it is hard. I don’t know how to make myself believe that He sees me and cares. The verse that fills my head is “He is close to the broken-hearted”, and I hold on to that.

    1. He does see you Trish, He know right where you are. He knew you before you were born and knows the exact numbers of hair on your head! He knows your next thought before you even think it. He cares deeply! Most importantly you are His child and He loves you.

  23. When my best friend got married, she didn’t invite me. It was a small only family but I thought I would be invited….so my feelings were kind of hurt.

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