A Christmas Collage
Oh boy…. I can hardly contain my excitement. I have SO MUCH to cover today that I’m not quite sure where to begin.
First of all, I want to give a Christmas welcome to those of you who have made your way here via the devotion I have running on Crosswalk.com and at Proverbs 31. Haven’t read it yet? You’ll want to peek at it before reading the rest of this post. Click here to do so.
Next, I know many of you are here to see the list of winners from the 12 Days of Christmas giveaways. PLEASE…..be patient and don’t just scroll through to the end of the post to see if you won. It is kind of like dumping out your stocking on Christmas morning and then totally rushing the ripping open of gifts. It takes the thrill and suspense out and is over in 3 1/2 minutes. It is so much better to savor the process s-l-o-w-l-y.
So please, read today’s post. It is on an important holiday topic. (And, there are two giveaways offered today too, in case you didn’t win any of the 12 Days prizes)
Finally, I have a HUGE surprise interview and giveaway announcement about tomorrow’s guest. And yes, I’ll make you wait until the end of this post to discover, through a series of hints, just what sweet girlfriend will chat with us tomorrow. You will love her! (Just like many of you loved her in the 1980’s right there on your 19-inch, console color television screen—hint #1!! :-))
Okay–first things first.
As I stated in today’s Proverbs 31 Encouragement for Today devotion, for many people the holidays hurt. They are reminders of what once was; of those family members or friends who were dearly loved, who now are sorely missed and who simply are not coming back. Or, in the case of a divorce or separation, it brings pain of what might have been if life had not taken a turn toward the tearing apart of a family.
I wanted to address this topic here today, but don’t feel totally qualified. So, I’ve asked my beautiful friend Jennifer Silvera, a Proverbs 31 She Speaks Conference graduate ( which is where I met her) and brand new author, who was widowed just a few short years ago, to join us.
For Jennifer, an ordinary day turned tragic when she received the news that the love of her life and the father of her two small children would not be coming home from work that day, nor would he ever come home from work again. She suddenly found herself a young, stunned and grieving widow, not sure just where to turn.
I have asked Jennifer to tell us what did, and did not, help when she faced that Christmas season without her husband. But first, a little background on Jennifer’s story and her beloved husband Shawn.
On September 6, 2005, Lino Lakes Police Officer Shawn B. Silvera was killed in the line of duty while assisting in a high-speed chase on Minnesota Interstate Highway 35W. Officer Silvera was struck by the suspect’s car after deploying stop-sticks. He died serving his community; displaying actions that typify what the thin blue line of law enforcement stands for – the threshold between order and chaos. He left behind his wife, a son and a daughter, as well as dozens of other family members and hundreds of friends and citizens who loved him.
Jennifer became a widow overnight. She chronicles her story in her book Believe: A Young Widows Journey Through Brokenness and Back. I asked her to share with us today just what that first Christmas was like without their husband and daddy. She writes:
The first Christmas was a blur…I was numb. I missed him everyday. Not just Christmas. I went on a trip to escape. I couldn’t even step foot in a store. The commercialism of the holiday was so overwhelming and made no sense to me. When life is taken permanently by death it is so hard to find joy!
My advice to those wanting to know what to say to a grieving friend is this: Please, don’t try to make up things that sound good like, “You have an angel in heaven.” We want our angels here! or “God needed him more than you” God is God and needs nothing…God wants us, loves us, forgives us. The grieving heart can’t understand why their loved one is gone. Cliche’s don’t explain loss.
For those who have lost someone in any manner I want to say, “I offer the best I have to comfort you and I am so sorry. I know in truth nothing seems to help. I will pray that each day you face in pain you will keep trying. Each day start again. You are here living for a reason, a purposeful beautiful meaningful reason. And though we can’t explain the loss, I pray for joy to once again find you and for God to hold you tight until that day.”
Wonderful advice Jennifer! Thanks for giving us this valuable insight and for using Shawn’s death to help others find peace. You are a treasure!!!! (And people—-have you ever in all your days seen a more strikingly gorgeous picture of a mother with her kids?)
Today, in conjunction with this topic you have a chance to win two prizes. One for yourself and one for a friend. First, for you, I am giving away a “just because” gift box for you of the following items:
*A peppermint scented Christmas candle
*Some Ghiradelli Chocolate Peppermint Coffee
*Some peppermint body lotion
* Some Market Pantry Chocolate-Mint Sandwich cookies–for the kiddos
* A Ghiradelli White Chocolate Peppermint bar– FOR YOU!!
Then, Jennifer is giving away a copy of her book. If you win it, I want you to give it away too.
Please pray about who you might need to read it. I’d love for you to give it away to someone whose life has been touched by grief. Or, if you don’t know anyone personally, would you promise, once you’ve read it, to donate it to your church or town library? I want it to get into the hands of those who would most benefit from experiencing her amazing story of hope.
And Jennifer was kind enough to sign the book too.
In order to win the prizes, simply leave a comment today.
I want it to be a comment straight to Jennifer. It can be on her loss. On her words of advice to us. On your gratitude to her as an officer’s wife, for sharing her husband with the citizens he promised to protect. Why, it can even be on how darling her children are.
Just say something to encourage my friend facing her fifth Christmas without her husband.
I thank you in advance for the few short seconds it will take to bless her life today.
Now….I know you have been patient, so here we go! The 12 Days of Christmas winners and then…THE BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!!!
The winners are:
Day One- Amy Carroll- Christmas Message “With” and $10 Starbucks card: doozer; timestamp 2:56 pm on 11/30
Day Two: Lynn Cowell- CD message “Building a Bridge to Your Child’s Heart”: Mary Lou; timestamp 4:36 pm on 12/13
Day Three- Melissa Taylor- Grammy’s special peppermint sticks, Christmas dish, & a $15 iTunes cards- Martha; 5:53 pm on 12/7
Day Four: Holly Good- a $10 Bath & Body Works card and $5 Starbucks card- Monica; timestamp 11:26 pm on 12/13
Day Five: Melanie Chitwood- $20 Target gift card- Diana H; timestamp 2:39 pm on 12/8
Day Six: LuAnn Prater- Encouragement Cafe T-shirt and mug- Karla; timestamp 3:00 pm on 12/5
Day Seven: Sharon Glasgow- $15 Target Gift Card- Jodi Emery; timestamp 11:48 pm on 12/13
Day Eight: Shari Braendel- If Clothes Could Talk workbook- shartemink; timestamp 5:20 pm on 12/7
Day Nine: Wendy Blight- Her book Hidden Joy in a Dark Corner and a $10 Starbucks gift card- Regina; timestamp 5:40 pm on 12/12
Day Ten: Leah DiPascal- Proverbs 31 t-shirt- krisf; timestamp 9:44 am on 12/9
Day Eleven: Suzie Eller- FOUR of her books!!!- Kelsie; timestamp 5:12 pm on 12/10
Day Twelve: Lysa TerKeurst- Her latest book Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl- wendyj; timestamp 12:09 pm on 12/11
AND THE WINNER OF A BONUS PRIZE FOR THOSE WHO LEFT COMMENTS ALL 12 DAYS: Grace; all comments left on December 12th Congrats! You win a $20 Wal-mart gift card from me. And you MUST promise to spend it on yourself!!!! (Unless $$$ is tight and you need it for stocking stuffers. Just be sure to get a little treat for you too!)
ALL WINNERS: email me asap at [email protected]. Give me your home address and which speaker’s prize you won. I’ll forward the info to them so they can get your prize out ASAP!
And finally…….please come back tomorrow as we visit with a friend of mine, talking a little Christmas and a little about a new book she is writing that she wants your input on. And she is giving away a way cool gift to one of you. Curious who it is? I’ll give you a few more hints….
- She is a sought-after author and speaker, taking “the good and bad” of our daily days and helping women see God in the midst of it all.
- It’s also a “fact of life” that she is a wife and homeschooling mom of three
- She simply loves celebrating Jesus’ birthday, and celebrating big (just like her 1980’s hair! :-)). In fact, I’ll bet she has Christmas music “Blairing” at her house as we speak!
Give up? Tune in tomorrow to be surprised. Or if the suspense is killing you, the answer is a click away….
Don’t forget to leave your simple comment for Jennifer today to be entered in today’s peppermint gift box and Believe book giveaway! The winner will be announced tomorrow.
Christmas Collage Blessings,
Thank you for sharing. A friend of mine just lost her husband. He was only 32 years old. His 13 year old son found him on Thanksgiving morning dead in bed. He has a 13 year old son, a 10 and 7 year old daughters. It just broke everyone at our church’s hearts. I know this book would somehow be a bit of a blessing to her in this horrible time. So tragic, so raw and will be such a hard holiday for them. Thankyou.
Thank you, Jennifer, for sharing your story, and for your guidance on the comforting words to say to others. Thank you to your husband, and God’s many other public servants, for working to protect and help us each day. Merry Christmas!
Hi! I too am grieving for just recently losing my father to pancreatic cancer. It was so short of DX until his death (2wks) that my heart aches everyday. I also lost my mother two years ago to cancer. So, finding joy in the season is hard, but I need to constantly tell myself there is celebration of them being with our Lord. I too feel the numbness and disbelief, and can’t imagine how you must feel, nor your young children. God be with you as you continue to greive and know your husband was an honorable man to die in line of duty. Blessings to you as you celebrate in the bosom of our Savior for his ultimate gift to us.
Thank you for sharing. I heard your testimony at Hearts at Home in Novemeber. They helped the healing process of my friend who is going through a rough time with her daughter.
Thank you Karen and Jennifer
Jennifer, may God bring you and your beautiful children joy this Christmas, and continue to heal your hearts.
Thank you for the sacrifice you made. I have a friend who is a state trooper’s wife, and I see the many sacrifices that being an officer’s wife entails.
I also lost my Grandma in October, and though it wasn’t my husband, my love, my soul mate, I know that Christmas will never be the same without her.
I pray many blessings for you this Christmas!
Thank You for the reminder that this season is not about us but about giving to others. At a time when we are hurting financially I need this reminder Thanks
I live in MN, just a half hour away from your dear husbands accident. I believe I even remember it happening! So sorry for your loss. I enjoyed “meeting” you through your words. I started a non profit, and will keep you in mind as we move forward and bring in speakers at some point. Hopefully sooner rather than later!! Ü
And Karen I guessed who the interview is with tomorrow in your opening comments! Ü just heard her speak at WOF!
Thank you so much for being so willing to share your story with us. I know that God has used it to touch the lives of so many and will continue to do the same. Merry Christmas!
Jennifer,
Thank you for your words. I would love a copy of your book to give to my friend who lost her mother a couple of years ago. It’s been very tough for her.
Thanks! Merry Christmas!
Rebecca
This post really spoke to me as one of the dearest friends I have been blessed to have in my life suddenly lost her husband this year and she is now a widow with three children who are all young. I would love to win this book to send to Nancy and encourage her.
Dear Jennifer and Karen,
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I just lost my daughter-in-law a few weeks ago who battled with cancer for 5 years. She was only 30 and leaves a 5 year old daughter and my son. We are all still in the numb stage and don’t really know which way to turn EXCEPT to our God. This Christmas is going to be especially difficult and it is hard to know what to do next. I don’t really know how to help them except keeping them covered in prayer and being there when they need me. You are so right about the cliches people come up with — nothing seems to be the right thing to say and most of the time you don’t know how to answer them. I am very sorry for your loss and will keep your family in my prayers!!!!
God bless you and your children!! Merry CHRISTmas!!!!
Jennifer,
Thank you for sharing so honestly from your heart and for giving us the words to say to someone who has experienced a deep loss. I know I can pray, but it is wonderful to know WORDS to say that will not hurt but show love and bring comfort.
God has given you a precious and tender story, and my prayer is that your book will bring HOPE and HEALING to many broken and hurting hearts. Praying God will point them to Him and His Word through you and your story.
Sweet Blessings to you and Merry Christmas!
Wendy
Dear Jennifer, After reading what beautiful wisdom you had to give to young widows, I would love to have your book to share with others who face the same situation. I am older than you and my friends who are widows were not left with young children, but I am sure your words of wisdom have come from our Heavenly Father and they would give them strength and encouragement too. Thank you for not wasting your sorrows, but to look to Him and be used of Him. May He bless you much more than I could ever ask of Him.
May you feel His presence in a special, strong way this Christmas season.
Dear Jennifer,
I was reading this blog for the first time this morning and I have become overwhelmed with unexplainable tears. I want to thank you for selflessly allowing your husband to protect the lives of others. I am sure that you will have lots of help from your community to remind your children what kind of man your husband was. I am thankful that if I had some kind of emergency, that there are men and women out there that are on call to protect the lives of many. I pray that during this season, especially, you would feel God’s love from those near and far. Thank you for sharing your story, you have touched my life.
May God bless you and your children!
Jennifer – although I don’t know what it is like to lose a spouse, I lost my mom in December. I was only thirty years old at the time. That Christmas, I felt numb and even though I knew she was in Heaven, I wanted her with me.
Over twenty years later, I still miss her (I don’t think we ever stop missing those whom we love), but time helps to heal the pain and hurt.
I know of a grieving widow who just lost her husband after a long battle with cancer. This Christmas will be hard on her and her children (one is a teen). May God bless you.
Karen – thank you for this timely post.
I got to my office earlier than usual this morning so I could do my devotions before the chaos of the day begins. Well…after reading today’s excerpt from the young widow’s book, my make up is running down my face and, well, it ain’t pretty!!
By the way, I don’t believe we have to wait for Christmas to help someone. My daily prayer is that someone with a need that I can meet will cross my path….by praying that prayer each morning for the past two years, I have met some truly wonderful people in some of the strangest circumstances!
Merry Christmas, all!
beth
Dear Jennifer,
Being able to come out and share your story is courageous and very generous of you,because i believe that in so doing you are encouraging others with similar experience to show amazing courage also.
I pray for you today that our Lord Jesus will comfort you the more,give you abundant grace to be able to take care of your children,supply all your needs both physical,spiritual and material and make you worthy of his kingdom whenever he shall come.
Shalom!
This was very,very good! A good friend of mine lost a son(who was a father to 3 children) this year and I lost an older sister 4 years ago. My parents are already dead(30 and 10 years ago) and I have no relatives except my husbands here.
Thank you….
Dear Jennifer, Your story really meant a lot to me! There are so many hurting people who would benefit from it! Christmas (as you know) is so difficult to get through at times when you’ve lost a loved one(s). (Both my parents are gone now.) The Lord is teaching me to treasure every moment with my family and husband (my husband was just in the hospital last week with angina pains. Been through this before but its always frightening!) Each day is such a gift! Thank you for your wonderful contribution to other women and men! And God bless you!
Jan Fuller
Thank you for sharing what the Lord has set upon your heart. Each and every day the Lord blesses me through this ministry. Thank you again for serving our amazing risen Savior!
Jennifer,
Thank you for sharing with us….my father died 13 years ago, and now as my boys are just starting with church and School programs I can’t help but think about how much he would have enjoyed them. My boys will never know their grandfather, very sad to not have a Grandpa’s lap to jump up upon.
Dear Jennifer,
Thanks for sharing a bit of your story and exactly how you felt during your first Christmas. I lost my husband this past year and am personally finding it difficult to face but I decided to reach out and meet others in my community who were also widowed. So I joined a bereavement group. There I met a young woman with two young girls, age 2 and 6 who also suddenly lost her husband. She is lonely and struggling and I have been trying to encourage her. I would love to purchase your book and give it to her to read. Maybe it would even help me through my pain. I live in Sault Ste. Marie, Canada and I would love to know where I can purchase your book. Thanks again for sharing and being honest. Christmas will never be the same again for me. I was married for 37 years and was raised in a godly home and learning to give to other widows is helping me through my pain of missing my husband who died because of cancer. Your picture of you and your two children gives hope. May God bless you richly with Himself. I have learned that only He can satisfy my needs.
Looking for some encouragement today, the Lord directed me to read Karen’s blog which I believe was all of Him.
Giving thanks to the Lord for He truly cares.
Pauline Henson
Thank you Jennifer & Karen,
This blog was very timely. My husband is grieving the loss of both his parents this year. Despite the grief he felt over his parents loss my husband was looking forward to our spending Christmas with his brother and his wife and new son. They have recently become separated. Thank you for helping me see that I don’t need to put a “quick” fix on the situation. I need to let him grieve and give him the support he needs.
Hi Jennifer and Karen, this blog touched me deeply. I have had a lifetime of grieving it seems. My mom died at an early age but my (grand)Mommie that raised me passed in 2006. Even though this is my favorite time of year I am grieving because her birthday is Christmas day. I always baked her a special cake because she shared her love of baking with me. Now instead I “adopt” one elderly person each year for Christmas in her honor. I loved your comment about what people should say. I hate it when people apologize for my loss because they did not cause it and cannot change the circumstances. I just ask, like you, that they sincerely pray for me. Thank you both for a wonderful blog. I think I will do my own giveaway of some of my baked goodies. I just wanted to comment, I do not want my name entered in the giveaway. Thanks for allowing me to share.