31 Days to Great Sex by Sheila Gregoire
NOTE: The blog tour for my new book LET. IT. GO. continues over at my two of my friend’s places: Shannon Milholland and Rachel Wojnarowski. And click here for the dozens of others on the tour.
I’m addicted to Diet Pepsi. I don’t drink a lot of it: usually only a
can a day, and I make myself wait until 11:30 before popping it open.
But that urge hits me by 10:45.
I turn to Diet Pepsi because I’m not a coffee person. Nevertheless,
I’m a big fan of caffeine. And so I drink Diet Pepsi, knowing that
caffeine and aspartame are bad for me, because I figure the pick me up
outweighs the potential dangers.
I know what I need to do: I need to sleep more so I don’t need the
caffeine. That, however, requires effort. And so I turn to the quick
fix.
How often do we do that in our marriage?
When we need to lose weight we watch what we eat. We stop eating out
so much and start cooking healthy foods. We exercise. And we know it
will take time.
If we want a new job, we go back to school. We take extra training. We
work hard at our courses. We know that will take time, too.
But when our marriage is blah, what do we do? Often we take the Diet
Pepsi approach—we have this need for intimacy and connection and fun
that we should meet through our marriage. When that doesn’t happen, we
throw ourselves into something else, like hobbies, or homemaking, or
church activities, or our kids. We take the easy way out.
Rather than putting the huge amount of work in to fixing our
marriage, we turn to something else instead.
Perhaps it’s because it’s not always obvious what work we should do.
How do you get yourself to magically connect? How do you heal weeks
and months and years of holding things back, of feeling disconnected,
of feeling hurt?
It isn’t easy. But I know that God wants more for my body than Diet
Pepsi, and that means that I have to do the hard thing of actually
quitting. And I believe that God wants more for our marriages
than to be merely existing, merely roommates, merely people who walk
through life together, but who don’t necessarily feel that rapturous
intimacy He promised.
Think about this: if marriage is supposed to reflect the deep intimacy
that God feels with us, then shouldn’t marriage be a beautiful thing?
And that intimacy that God designed us for within marriage has, at its
core, sex, even if we don’t always talk about it very much. Sex itself
is also supposed to reflect that urge to know and be known. Yet too
often sex becomes an obligation, something that we do because we know
we have to, but not something that we do because it helps us feel
invigorated, alive, or even loved.
I think God wants more for us than that. He doesn’t want sex to be an
obligation; He wants it to be a celebration! And while sex won’t solve
all the problems in our marriages, it does lay a foundation of
connecting physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It’s how we
become one flesh.
And sex wasn’t just designed to make you feel physically rapturous; it
also makes us feel intimate with our husbands. It makes us feel close.
It makes us laugh. It even helps us to sleep better!
Perhaps it’s time, then, for us to do the hard work—that work that
really does pay off. And I have a really fun way for you to do it in
my new ebook The 31 Days to Great Sex. You work through it with
your husband, but don’t worry; it’s not like everyday is about a new
trick to do in bed. Not at all! Instead, it’s a journey of
communication you take together to help you, step by step, feel more
intimate both inside the bedroom and outside of it.
So if you’re just too exhausted for sex; if you’re sick of him
pestering you; if you can’t figure out what all the fuss is about;
take a deep breath and tell yourself: I may not understand how great
sex is right now, but I know that God meant for it to be great. And
I’m not going to stop until I figure out how that’s actually possible!
Because it is, ladies. Don’t lose out on it.
Billions of people have had sex. I’m not sure how many have actually
made love. I hope through this 31 Days to show people how amazing–physically,
emotionally, and spiritually–making love can be.
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To be entered to win a copy of Sheila’s book, leave a simple comment here telling us one thing you love about your husband. I love my husband’s selfless attitude and gorgeous green eyes!
Sheila
Wray Gregoire is a national speaker, parenting columnist, and the
author of seven books, including The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex. Her passion is
to see marriages thrive, so that our churches and communities can
become stronger Christian witnesses. You can find Sheila, and her new
ebook The 31 Days to Great Sex, at her To Love, Honor
and Vacuum blog.
I love the dedication my husband has to becoming the best husband and father he can be.
I love my husbands work ethic, I love how he makes me laugh, and I LOVE his chest and big strong arms :o)
My husband always encourages me to do the things I love. He is great about having me make time for myself.
I love my husbands sense of humor. He can be so weird at times, in a good way. He knows how to make me laugh.
I love my husband’s sense of humor and laugh!
I love my husband’s quirky sense of humor, and his beautiful blue eyes.
I love that my husband loves learning and doing things well and purposefully:)
I love how my husband invites me to go do things with him. Often the things he ask me to go do with him are things he thinks I will enjoy :)
I love how my husbands imperfections make him so very perfect for me!!
I love my husband’s ability to just look at me and I know what he is thinking!! (We will celebrate our 22nd Anniversary on Friday, November 23rd!)
I love my husband’s balance between take charge and deep concern for others.
I love the way my husband lovingly supports and provides for me and our two daughters. Romance is not his forte but our budget doesn’t allow for romantic trips or events. I think he wishes we could do more if those things but i guess we should try and be creative to create these settings at home or cheaply! ????
I love that my husband is so unselfish and thinks about my needs before his own!
I love my husband’s patience with me and his great work ethic. I also love that he can be goofy right along with me. :)
I love my husband’s caring & giving heart. He is a wonderful provider for me and our two children.
Love that my hubby takes his role as a father seriously and vows to protect our kids. And, he’s got a fantastic sense of humor!
I love my husband’s ability to love me and our family.
I love how my husband makes sure my car is always filled up with gas so I never have to do it. He is a great father to our 4 kids and gave wonderful hugs!
I love how my soon to be husband thinks of his family and I first. He is not only a great father to his children but also to mine! He is also constantly challenging me in my walk with God. (In a good way!) He definately has his priorities straight. I also love the fact that we have to take turns with “I Love You More” days!
Love his sense of humor and ability to make me laugh, his selflessness, and how he looks so sexy barefoot in jeans.
I love my husband’s smile! I’m so thankful that he works hard to provide for our family.
I love his great work ethic, and his big, strong hands… ;)
P.S. I know you asked for a short reply – – I didn’t do very well with that part! I just keep praying something will sink into my heart one day so I may open up in this way to the amazing man I married! Blessings to you for writing a book such as this. It should be refreshing from all the secular books that are out there on this topic. Some have some points that are somewhat helpful but, in the end, it’s hard to try what they suggest when it doesn’t feel like they are written by someone who has allowed Christ to guide their words!
I love my husband’s selfless love and giving spirit. He’s the sweetest man and such an example to me!
I love how my husband has stayed with me thru thick and thin. Most husbands would have left by now. There were years when I was emotionally and physically unavailable to him. When I started accepting I was sexually abused and began remembering more of the abuse from toddlerhood on, I realized I had a very hard time separating what he wanted and needed from me from what my abuser had done to me. He FELT like my abuser when he approached me and I didn’t want him to touch me. He called it making love. It felt like abuse to me. Thru many prayers and outside help, I no longer see him as my abuser. I love him for who HE is now, praise the Lord! Our relationship has grown, especially thru the last few months and I like doing things with him now. But, when it comes to sex, I have to focus on Jesus just to get thru it or to help me allow it. I know in my mind that sex in marriage is supposed to be one of the most beautiful things in a loving marriage. I just really have a hard time letting it happen even as I pray. I would love to give my husband what he needs, physically, to bless him with the gift of giving myself completely with him. But, after so many years of blocking him out, I don’t know how to do so. He deserves to have me give this to him!
Debbie Korando, your story really touched my heart and I can honestly say that I feel your pain!! I, too, was molested as a child by my dad for many years and the last 2 years (before he was caught) it was every day 2-3 times a day. I suffer from Post Tramatic Stress Disorders, have the flashback & nightmares and have severe anxiety attacks. I wanted to let you know, foremost, I’m really proud of you for sharing (speaking) your story and for reaching out for some help. That’s a big step (& scary) to take. There is a book I read that really helped me alot!! It was like it was wrote just for me and he was talking to me. It’s by T. D. Jakes, called ‘Woman, Thou Are’t Lose’. It’s totally awesome; uses scriptures in there and is healing to a point. I will diffently keep you in my prayers because this is a rough journey; but, know that God is with you and with his strength he’ll help you get through this. I hope you’ll get this book and that it’ll help you as it helped me.
God Bless,
Lynn B. Gunterman
Unfortunately, I can relate to your story. I don’t have any answers….just wanted to share that it is so tough when we have these memories to live with.
Debbie my story is exactly the same as yours!! I know exactly how you feel and I too thank God everyday that my husband has stuck by with me through it all. Even though after 21 years of marriage my husband puts up with more from me than he should. I have to separate my married life from my abuse, some days I can’t.
THanks so much for sharing here Debbie. Prayers and cyber {hugs} going out to you today. You are loved!