Weekend Giveaway :-)
NOTE: Be sure to read to the end. Can you can say “giveaway’? I knew you could!
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If you have not been with us this past week, we’ve been looking at circles and plates and and juggling relationships & responsibilities.
In a word?
Priorities.
Everywhere I meander, I encounter worn out women.
We just don’t seem to have enough day left at the end of our activities and responsibilities; we voice our priorities one way, then turn around and live our lives as if they were actually in reverse order sometimes.
I suggested doing the little “circle” activity to give yourself a picture of who and what is getting the biggest chunks of your precious time. I know my finished product made me stressed just looking at it!!
And I know better!!! I have entire talks and chapters devoted to avoiding over-committment. So what is the dealio?
Why do I (and many of you) over-commit and spin too many plates or run in too many circles?
I can think of 5 reasons: (I know there are more!)
~ We women have what I call “the curse of capability”.
We are capable. We are resourceful. We are able to multi-task. We are creative. We can trouble shoot. So, when asked to take on another outside responsibility, we think, “Why I’m capable of that!”
Then, we say yes. Pretty soon, our piles of “yeses” threaten to bury us down deeper than the Chilean miners.
~Next, we don’t want to say no out of fear.
Fear of not being liked. Fear of hurting someone’s feelings. Fear of behind-the-back chit chat, “I don’t know why she won’t do this. After all, she has way more time on her hands than me!” Fear of adding stress to the person asking you to do the job, ’cause if you say “no”, they need to find someone else. Fear of rejection.
Fear stinks!
~ Then there is this reason:we under-estimate the time and BRAIN SPACE it will take to do the task!
Tasks like “Be in charge of ABC” or “Organize XYZ” are the ones that get me most! While a task with a specific time frame is measurable (work the concession stand at baseball on Tuesday night from 6:30-8:00) these “be in chrage of” and “organize” ones are not. When we under-estimate the time involved AND the brain space it will take up knowing we now wear another ‘hat’, we take on waaaaaaaay too much!
~We are filling too much of our time with tasks in our “red” or “yellow” light areas.
Twenty-four years ago when Todd & I married and began in ministry (he was a youth pastor then) he took a FABULOUS in-depth assessment test that measured his effectiveness by discovering what were his “green light” areas–those areas you are most effective in due to your personality wiring. It also showed the “yellow” areas. These were tasks you could do, but they weren’t your strongest suit. The “red” areas were those duties that just plumb stressed you out because they were in direct conflict with the way God wired you. They cause you grief and dread because they are , in essence, “just not your thing”!
Guess where MANY of us operate? Yep. We are filling our time with yellow and red light areas. These areas sap us. Green areas energize us! (If you want to know more, I was THRILLED to see that Richard Hagstrom, the man who developed this over 30 years ago is still around. I found him here.)
~ And, the final reason? We speak before we check.
We don’t check our calendars. We don’t check our other commitments scheduled for the same time. We don’t check with our spouses or check with our kids. And, here’s the kicker, we don’t consult our Creator asking Him if we are called to the task. Not CAPABLE of the task, but called!
So, what’s a gal to do? Well, we’ll chat about that next week.
For now, I thought I’d offer a fun little giveaway crafted around some of the topics we’ve been discussing here. So, here is what is included:
~A copy of God’s Purpose for Every Woman. Our compilation book of devotions from Proverbs 31. This will help you in your relationship with God.
~A note pad with the verse “I can do all things through Him” Philippians 4:13 for you to jot your tasks down.
Then, for a little “me” (or as I call it “re”) time:
~Two Land O’ Lakes flavored hot cocoas, one in French Vanilla and one in Tiramasu.
~A large Godiva dark chocolate with orange candy bar.
~A box of Calgon English Garden bubble bath. (Take me away!)
~Finally, for the reality of life, a set of thin cotton dish towels for Thanksgiving embellished with a Cornucopia. You’ll be drying those dishes in style!
Okay—so, to be entered in the drawing for this giveaway, leave a comment on today’s topic. Which of these reasons do you think reflect you? What other reasons are there for letting your plate get too full? Or, if time is tight, just say “I’m in!”
Winner will be announced Monday!
Blessings,
OK Guilty, Hi Karen I find myself experiencing all of the above but most often I find myself under estimating the brain space and time needed to complete a task. The reason for this I believe is because I am multi-tasking and trying to do so many things for the kids and my husband and my in-laws and my mom that if I had only one or two tasks to complete it wouldn’t take so long but the next thing “to do” is thrown in with 6 others that I want to complete and complete well! Oh boy, time to get off the train and slow down! Thanks for your insight!
Blessings, Karen G.
I think that I mis-manage some of my time and then feel guilty…I often feel like I should be like someone else (so maybe red-light, green light) is a problem too…The brain-space problem is that I schedule too many things on my “to-do” list in a day…way over-estimating what I can get done.
Whew..I’m tired just thinking about it!
Time to give my schedule/talents/etc. to God and ask Him how He wants me to deal with it (not comparing to anyone else)…
Thanks for the “heads up”!…
Capability and Fear are the two biggest issues for me. God has me in a season of rest right now, and sometimes I’m finding it difficult to say “no” to things because I do have the time. I’m learning to pause, pray, and then answer based on what I feel the Lord is telling me to do about the situation.
Wow – this was a convicting post…which one is me? 1,2, and 3. Brain space is definately an issue for me!! hehe! I just got back from the Relevant Blogging Conference and it was there that God convicted me of how much brain space my blog takes from me.
While it is a ministry…it does take brain space! So I came home, told my husband my convictions and took action. I’m going to take a Sabbath rest from my computer on Sundays, I’m putting my computer “to sleep” or down for a nap at certain times through out the day and I must admit – it feels good!
Thanks for speaking truth into my life!
Courtney
I say “yes” because I want to please. I want to be liked and look as though I have it all together.
I think for me it’s the not checking one. I have put myself into places I’m not supposed to be–even good places but not for me–simply because I didn’t check first.
I think putting myself in these red light situations is my biggest problem. Most of my red lights other think I am really good at, but they stress me sooo much.
You giveaway looks great. The Calgon interests me the most right now! Do you know how long it has been since I actually took a tub bath?
Have a great weekend!
Karen,
I have been feeling pretty good these days, I think that it may be because of the age my sons; being able to leave them on their own to go away to a Bible Study, they fix themselves a meal (sometimes cereal) if we are not on the same schedule. I find myself ALWAYS living by my calendar to keep track of everyone but I have for the first time in awhile do not feel like their is TOO much on my plate. Now, this is how I feel right now at this moment but you know, anything can happen to change it all and my list of priorities will have to change but for now, I am feeling God’s blessings for this feeling of peace with a busy schedule :)
Trisha
All the above; mainly fear.
Wendy and Donna have spoken my thoughts! I love to be busy with things I like and tend to put off the “must dos” til the last minute. I will have to work on that with God’s help!! Thank you for the reminder that the majority of our time should be in communion with him not necessarily for him!!
Can I say ‘all of the above’? I can’t pick just one…
Oh my goodness Karen – I fall into all five categories of why we say yes when we shouldn’t! But the one that most resonates with me is fear. I am a people pleaser and I don’t want to disappoint anyone. I have been trying to cut back on things on the schedule and I believe my family is happier because of that. The siren song of “good things” to be done still calls – but I am trying to resist. Love the reminder to stop and ask if we are being called, not just capable. Can’t wait to see where you with this topic next week! God Bless!
When asked to help in some way I say yes because I’m afraid of hurting someone’s feelings. Besides it makes me feel good about myself to know that I’m able to do something to help someone.
I definitely have the capability curse. I know I can get it done, even if it means overwhelming my emotions and family life.
Karen,
I have really enjoyed your post this week. I have had a very stressful week. Sometimes our plates get to full because we do not plan time in our schedule for the unexpected. I don’t always plan on some projects taking as long as they do.
I made my list of ccommitments, relationships (18 of them) but did not do the circles. Yet. But I did realize that I avoid the homemaking stuff as much as I can and I like to add things that make me feel good – about my abilities, about serving God and others. I thought I left insecurities behind Years Ago, but I guess not. Having a tangible, short term result accomplishment that combats a low self esteem – those are probably biggest reasons for overloading the plates. Great series of blogs – thanks!
I’m not overcomitted but I have trouble being organized with what i do have to do. I don’t get a lot accomplished because I tend to skip from one thing to another. And I avoid certain tasks. Thank you for all the encouragement we get each week from you.
Fear and capability get me. I’ll just add a bit to the fear thing. Sometimes I know that I’m called to something but not right now. It’s a fun work and I’m afraid if I say no, I’ll never get another chance to do it. Of course, if I’m truly called, God will give me another opportunity but it’s hard to remember that in the midst of the decision.
i am just finishing a season of total over-commitment. i spoke too soon that i would co-chair an event and i paid for it. i did not consult with my husband, my calendar or my Creator. I am slowly learning to tell people i will get back to them when asked to do just about anything. looking forward to hearing what to do when you find yourself with an overflowing plate
Fear, fear and fear. Although all of them probably apply to me in some form, I think fear is my biggest issue. I am afraid of failure. That fear becomes part of nearly everything when I don’t keep it in check…and over-extending is one of the places hardest to keep it in check.
Capability and Fear get me every time… I also somehow believe that I function better when I’m busy so I like to stay busy. Then I get frustrated b/c I’m so busy and wind up not being able to do anything well… vicious cycle.
I have read with interest the blogs this week…and haven’t commented, because the thought and time commitment was more time than I chose to take! I am the queen of overcommitment. I have learned, over the past few years, to say no and I don’t do nearly what I did. But I still can’t seem to get it all done, it is frustrating. I guess I have things peeled down to what is important to ME. But perhaps not what is important to God…I am definitely the Martha in the story of Mary and Martha…but I want to change. Thanks for the thoughts and help!
Your posts this week were very interesting. I think the under-estimating how much brain power and time something is going to actually take is my biggest pitfall. I always think I can do more, More, MORE! Blessings.
Hi Karen
i was so interested in your blogs this week – there are some days when everybody needs to be in a different direction, all at the same time!
i am wondering if guilt can factor in with the fear of saying “no”? As in, “I didn’t help with the last fundraiser, so I should with this….” I have found that I can say “No” but I feel guilty about doing so.
Thank you for sharing with us, and allowing us to share with you.
Karen,
Your topic this week about over extending ourselves have been so insightful. My biggest problem is saying no, because of fear. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or I am afraid someone won’t like me as much if I say no. This year I decided to put my priorities in order. I actually have said no to some projects that I knew just were not my expertise (my red zone). It is very freeing to say no to things like that and actually do the things that energize me.