Hubby-First Hospitality with Guest Sheila Gregoire
Welcome to those of you who popped over after reading my Proverbs 31 Encouragement for Today devotion. If you want to take a peek at it, click here.
We are in day two of our three-week online study of hospitality based on my book A Life That Says Welcome: Simple Ways to Open Your Heart & Home to Others. You are not too late to join. Click here for details.
WOW!! What great interaction yesterday on what makes you feel welcomed. I LOVED reading the comments! And, I can’t wait until Friday when you get a chance to share (through a link up if you have a blog or a comment if you don’t) your best company recipes! Get your aprons on!
Now, for today’s topic.
In the book, I talk about how I became convicted that I would spend loads of time and effort on outside guests while feeding my own family leftovers or peanut butter and jelly. It is easy to pull out all the stops for company and never put effort into our own kin, especially our husbands.
Our hubbies would like some pampering and good food once in a while too. And they’d also like some good….well, you know! “Horizontal fellowship” :-)
Today’s guest is here to share about putting our hubby’s first. I love the clever name of her blog. And, she’s just written a book on marriage too and the all-important physical part of it our dear hubbies so enjoy :-)
Welcome my friend Sheila!
Sheila Wray Gregoire is a marriage speaker, author, and blogger at To Love, Honor and Vacuum. Her brand new book, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, is available now!
From Sheila’s heart:
To be truly hospitable is not just to be cordial and generous. It’s also to put people at ease, and that involves authenticity far more than it does the correct table setting or the perfect meal.
And we cannot be authentically generous with guests unless we are first generous with those we love most. Hospitality begins at home.
Does your husband feel as if he is the most important person in your life? Here are some ways to ensure he knows that he is precious to you:
~ Greet him first when you meet each other at the end of the day. Whether you’re arriving home from work or he is, let his embrace be your first, before the kids or before any others. Banish distractions from your day, think about what you love about your husband, and give him a big, welcoming kiss!
~ Express gratitude and admiration. When my husband and I were first married, I loved to say, “I love you”. Those were beautiful words to me, but they just made him more and more withdrawn. What he needed was for me to tell him why I loved him. He needed to feel that I appreciated him and noticed the things he did. So I started saying, “Honey, you are such a great dad with the way that you read to Rebecca last night.”
~ Build him up with words when others can hear. Brag about your husband to your friends and family. Don’t let criticism towards your husband come out of your mouth in everyday conversation. What you say often determines what you think; say the positive, especially when he’s in earshot.
~ Step outside your comfort zone with hobbies. Many women despair that they never have time with their husbands, but men tend to communicate more side by side, when doing things together, rather than face to face, when sitting down talking. So do things he enjoys, rather than waiting for him to sit down and talk with you. Go fishing, go to a hockey game, take up jogging, and you’ll find that you laugh together more, have fun with each other more, and communicate more.
~ Draw boundaries. Make sure that you always have couple time, even once kids come. Keep your bedroom to yourself. Keep bedtimes for children consistent. Snatch time during the day to rejuvenate yourself, so that you prioritize couple time at night.
~ Finally, initiate sex. Yep! I don’t think most women realize how much a man’s sense of worth is tied up in whether or not his wife desires him sexually. It’s not just about sexual release; it’s also about a deep intimacy that men (and women) experience when we make love.
When we throw ourselves into it, we say to him, “I love you. I desire you. I want to share everything with you.” And making love is one of the main vehicles that God created for us to express this.
If you have issues in this area, that’s okay. God can help you through them! But don’t give up. Believe that sex is a wonderful thing, believe that it can—and will—be wonderful, and throw yourself into this beautiful part of your relationship.
Now for the day’s giveaways:
One commenter will receive a signed copy of my book A Life That Says Welcome. Another will get a copy of Sheila’s book The Good Girls’ Guide to Great Sex.
(I’ll bet I can guess which one your husband hopes you win!)
Okay, to be entered, leave us a comment with a way you can make a husband feel welcomed, wanted and honored in the home. (But leave the racy ideas to private conversations with your friends, ok? My kids read my blog! :-))
Remember, all winners will be announced the day after Easter and you may comment on all posts up until then to be entered in the random drawings.
So, how do you pamper your hubby?
NOTE: Remember we are also interacting over at Karen Ehman’s Book Studies on Facebook. Click here to “like” the page & join us. Starting this weekend there will be giveaways there too based on info from the book!
My husband was recently diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and has to take medication in the morning and evening. As a reminder and something to look forward to, I have started writing him a note each morning telling him how much I live him…and I place it next to his pill bottle.
When I wake up in the morning, I would whisper things like– “I thank God that you’re my husband.” Thank you for this great online study.
Welcome him home from work with a smile and a kiss and allow him a little time to relax before anything else.
I try to show my husband my love and appreciation for him by paying attention to what it is that makes him feel special and loved. We only have the weekends together (we work opposite shifts) so when we are together and I just have the desire to “get things done” around the house, I try to step back relax and just sit on the couch with him, something that he enjoys, just being together. I need to make more time for this as time with him is precious and all those little things can wait.
I send my husband texts on his phone about once a week, just to let him know I’m thinking of him. Last week I texted “Have I told you lately how wonderful you are?” He’ll say how nice it was to get a text in the middle of the day when things were so crazy at work. Also, he gets home from work before I do, so when I get home I seek him out and give him a kiss and say hello.
I walk my husband to the door every morning, give him a goodbye kiss, and wave to him as he drives off. I also greet him every evening at the door and give him a welcome home kiss. Another way I pamper him is to hang his bath towel and wash cloth over the shower door so it is ready for him in the morning.
I’m enjoying this blog. I’ve been married to a wonderful man for almost 41 years and I believe the best thing I do for him, besides love him with all my heart, is to respect him. He’s a busy, hard-working man and I tell him often how much I appreciate all he does. His favorite relaxation is golfing, but I’m not a golfer because of a bad back but I keep myself informed about the players he likes and I never complain when he watches golf on tv or makes tee times for himself on beautiful days. I use the time to get a good long walk or work on my own hobbies in the home. He is grateful that I understand him and love him every day. We take alot of time to pray with each other and communicate each day. God has truly blessed our life and our four children are a blessing to us now.
Because of lot of men like physical touch, our marriage Sunday school class has suggested that we make sure that we schedule 1-1/2 hrs of horizontal time a week, kiss passionately for 15 seconds a day, talk one-on-one for 15 minutes a day and date each other once a week. This hits a lot of love languages. I certainly am not perfect at this in any way, but I guess it’s a good goal.
My husband’s love language is ‘acts of service’. He is the first one up in the mornings so before I go to bed I make sure the sink is empty and counters are wiped and clean. In the mornings when he goes in to make his coffee he is welcomed with a shiny kitchen.
I’ve been married 32 years and I pamper my husband by doing what pleases him in housework, always serving him food and drinks at mealtimes, and compliment him openly. A happy home makes a happy husband. I try to take care of most of the conflicts so he can concentrate on his job and others as a pastor. Being the same at home and out in public is important especially since your children are watching….
My honey is like an “ole bear”….. He loves his back scratched!
This is awesome… I try to greet my hubby everyday but my boys sometimes beat me to the door! It makes since that I should be the ‘First’ thing he sees when he gets home. I’ve been making a conscience effort in how I look… Not for vanity sake but I know that my hubby loves to see me with my hair done and out of sweats (being a stay at home mom comfort is important to me but not always) ;-) he loves when dinner is ready— I love dressing up the table it makes me smile when they come around the corner see what mom has done to the table! :-)
I make an extra effort to wake my husband up with a kiss and a hug every morning. The way someone wakes up can determine their mood for the day. I try to express to him how proud of him I am and how much I appreciate all he does for our family. When we see each other at the end of our work day, I give him a great big hug. I love my husband. ?
Get down and dirty…hehe…in doing home repairs and gardening projects…he really appreciated tonight during some backyard remodeling that I took the shovel to hand, lopper and pruners while he sat a spell and we just talked while I sweated it out.
When my husband was still alive and working I always gave him a kiss and welcomed him home. Before he came home I would make sure my hair was combed and I looked nice for him. Once a week I cooked one of his favorite meals just because.
I make it a point to sit down and watch sports with my husband and I’ve actually grown to love it in the past 19yrs. I’m pretty good at it too…if I must say so myself. It’s a great time for us to talk not just about sports but about our day. Sometimes just sitting alone together without words is enough.
I try to be very attentive when he startst to tell me something about his day. I recently realized that I don’t always do this. I have spend many years half way listening while thinking about other things. I am trying to be there in the moment when he starts to talk because he does it so rarely.
After 20 years, I have learned to respect my husband’s need for down time on Saturdays. We both work full time and I would like to spend the day doing household tasks that got neglected during the week. However, my sweetie needs to unwind after a stressful week. We usually have a leisurely breakfast and then I let him plan the day. He’s much more important than a few missed cobwebs!
Attention-my husband wants to know that I will stop whatever I’m doing to pay attention to him. Easier said than done. But I’m working on it.
I don’t feel I have been giving my husband the 100% of my hospitality gifts, I know God has been urging me to make some changes in this area, I was ok when a stay at home mom but when started working, I don’t have the extra energy. Time to make some changes!
How do I make my husband feel welcomed, wanted and honored? His love language is affirmation. My mom was such a good example. I remember as a teen my mom telling me never to speak of my husband in a negative way. I don’t ever remember any negative comments about my dad. Therefore, I have practiced this for almost 42 years. I build him up in front of his sons, daughter-in-laws and grandchildren. I tell him (and mean it) that he is a good father and grandfather. He is patient and wise. I try to praise him. To pamper him, I make his favorite dish: Dutch Apple Pie or Egg Baskets if it is for breakfast. Since he is unorganized, he loves it when we work together to organize his woodshop. Sometimes we have special candlelight dinners….almost every evening I light candles in the house….gives it a homey feeling.
My husband is on a medically induced low net carb diet. I try to find new “induldgent” recipes to suprise him with now and then that fit within his diet. I found a low carb key lime pie that we are changing to lemon and trying this week! He is so excited because lemon pie is his favorite. I know food isn’t the only way to make him feel welcome, but since he is so limited in what he can have, it is nice for him to know I am trying I think. I also try hard to not keep things in the house that he really likes but really can’t have. He shouldn’t have to fight temptation left and right at home!
I always try and remember that while I struggle with placing my self worth in how clean my home is, what my husband really craves is time with me. I’m constantly reminding myself that the dishes can wait.. And i spend time with my family instead.
I’m very convicted by some of the comments above…. I too feel that I’m not SO intentional about giving my hubby and family for that matter the “special dishes” etc… I think that as our family has increased in size (we have 5 kids with 2 of them being 9 month old twins) our togetherness has gotten pushed to the back-burner. I do always greet at the door, but I’m usually looking like I did when he left in the morning which isn’t pretty. My goal lately is to be “pretty” when he gets home. Thanks for all the tips and ideas…. May God show us all how to love our men as they need to be loved and “fill their buckets” to overflowing.
I get up before my hubby so I start the coffee. Saying thank you. Giving him my full attention when he is talking — his eyes tell me he appreciates that.