Hubby-First Hospitality with Guest Sheila Gregoire

Welcome to those of you who popped over after reading my Proverbs 31 Encouragement for Today devotion. If you want to take a peek at it, click here.

We are in day two of our three-week online study of hospitality based on my book A Life That Says Welcome: Simple Ways to Open Your Heart & Home to Others. You are not too late to join. Click here for details.

WOW!! What great interaction yesterday on what makes you feel welcomed. I LOVED reading the comments! And, I can’t wait until Friday when you get a chance to share (through a link up if you have a blog or a comment if you don’t) your best company recipes! Get your aprons on!

Now, for today’s topic.

In the book, I talk about how I became convicted that I would spend loads of time and effort on outside guests while feeding my own family leftovers or peanut butter and jelly. It is easy to pull out all the stops for company and never put effort into our own kin, especially our husbands.

Our hubbies would like some pampering and good food once in a while too. And they’d also like some good….well, you know! “Horizontal fellowship” :-)

Today’s guest is here to share about putting our hubby’s first. I love the clever name of her blog. And, she’s just written a book on marriage too and the all-important physical part of it our dear hubbies so enjoy :-)

Welcome my friend Sheila!

Sheila Wray Gregoire is a marriage speaker, author, and blogger at To Love, Honor and Vacuum. Her brand new book, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, is available now!

From Sheila’s heart:

To be truly hospitable is not just to be cordial and generous. It’s also to put people at ease, and that involves authenticity far more than it does the correct table setting or the perfect meal.

And we cannot be authentically generous with guests unless we are first generous with those we love most. Hospitality begins at home.

Does your husband feel as if he is the most important person in your life? Here are some ways to ensure he knows that he is precious to you:

 ~ Greet him first when you meet each other at the end of the day. Whether you’re arriving home from work or he is, let his embrace be your first, before the kids or before any others. Banish distractions from your day, think about what you love about your husband, and give him a big, welcoming kiss!

~ Express gratitude and admiration. When my husband and I were first married, I loved to say, “I love you”. Those were beautiful words to me, but they just made him more and more withdrawn. What he needed was for me to tell him why I loved him. He needed to feel that I appreciated him and noticed the things he did. So I started saying, “Honey, you are such a great dad with the way that you read to Rebecca last night.”

~ Build him up with words when others can hear. Brag about your husband to your friends and family. Don’t let criticism towards your husband come out of your mouth in everyday conversation. What you say often determines what you think; say the positive, especially when he’s in earshot.

~ Step outside your comfort zone with hobbies. Many women despair that they never have time with their husbands, but men tend to communicate more side by side, when doing things together, rather than face to face, when sitting down talking. So do things he enjoys, rather than waiting for him to sit down and talk with you. Go fishing, go to a hockey game, take up jogging, and you’ll find that you laugh together more, have fun with each other more, and communicate more.

~ Draw boundaries. Make sure that you always have couple time, even once kids come. Keep your bedroom to yourself. Keep bedtimes for children consistent. Snatch time during the day to rejuvenate yourself, so that you prioritize couple time at night.

~ Finally, initiate sex. Yep! I don’t think most women realize how much a man’s sense of worth is tied up in whether or not his wife desires him sexually. It’s not just about sexual release; it’s also about a deep intimacy that men (and women) experience when we make love.

When we throw ourselves into it, we say to him, “I love you. I desire you. I want to share everything with you.” And making love is one of the main vehicles that God created for us to express this.

If you have issues in this area, that’s okay. God can help you through them! But don’t give up. Believe that sex is a wonderful thing, believe that it can—and will—be wonderful, and throw yourself into this beautiful part of your relationship.

 Now for the day’s giveaways:

One commenter will receive a signed copy of my book A Life That Says Welcome. Another will get a copy of Sheila’s book The Good Girls’ Guide to Great Sex.

(I’ll bet I can guess which one your husband hopes you win!)

Okay, to be entered, leave us a comment with a way you can make a husband feel welcomed, wanted and honored in the home. (But leave the racy ideas to private conversations with your friends, ok? My kids read my blog! :-))

Remember, all winners will be announced the day after Easter and you may comment on all posts up until then to be entered in the random drawings.

 So, how do you pamper your hubby?

NOTE: Remember we are also interacting over at Karen Ehman’s Book Studies on Facebook. Click here to “like” the page & join us. Starting this weekend there will be giveaways there too based on info from the book!

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  1. My hubby asked me a few week ago if I could clean up the house a bit, it was bothering him. I didn’t notice it had gotten that bad! With all the things going on in our lives right now and with him working about 14 hour days right now, I figued I could let the cleaning and clutter slide a few weeks and then have a really good spring cleaning weekend. I am (and my daughter helps) now taking more time when I get home, and before dinner, to organize and clean a little. It has helped to clean a little each evening and my hubby comes home and is happy to be there and not so stressed anymore! What a simple and amazing thing I can do for him.

  2. When my husband comes home it is usually less than a 1/2 hour since the boys have come home. So I stop and give him a hug & kiss and then try to make sure that there is a snack for him and a drink(sweet tea usually) just like the kids. As he sits down for a break I try to stop and talk with him and maybe throw in a quick back rub, before our hectic evenings, begin!

  3. I struggle so hard with this…after a long day with three kids under three I tend to “forget” my hubby. He has told me he likes a clean house and dinner ready. I just need to get off my lazy behind and make it happen. God has been doing a great work in me! I have also noticed that my priorities are slightly askew…I have no problem doing all those things (cleaning the house and cooking) when guests come over but when it comes to my hubby it tends to be put on the back burner. this is a wake up call and I will be trying to somewhat keep the house clean and have dinner ready.

  4. Whenever I sincerely pursue God those are the very days my hubby seems to come to life – suddenly the same thing I did few days ago when I now do it; it means a whole lot to him?. I believe it’s the love in the act that he responds to rather than the act itself. I guess I first draw from God then I give hubby some loving since we love because He first loved us. It is true that if I do all without love it amounts to nothing because the greatest is love and it never fails!!! Agreeing to dance with him even when no music is playing knocks him off his feet – literally ?

  5. I am a teacher and commute an hour to work. Teaching is NOT an 8 – 3 job! To make things more challenging, my husband works a night shift. I was REALLY struggling with getting home to spend time with my husband every night. There were weeks that I would only see him two times. It really bothered him. At the beginning of this year I made it a priority to get home to spend some time with him. I even started making dinner for him more often. Due to our schedules we often ate out. My husband does not attend church with me and I have prayed for years that his relationship with Christ would grow. I yearn for him to be my spiritual leader. As I prayed, God showed me that I could not change him but I could make a difference by honoring him as my husband. By making him a priority, he feels honored and important. I am slowly seeing a change in my husbands attitude toward me and the idea of going to church with me. I love new ideas that can help me to make him feel special. God is doing amazing things with both of us! =)


  6. I got so many great ideas reading all these comments.
    I always try to talk up my husband when he’s around. I always tell the kids how hard dad works for us and how much I love him.
    I also wear jeans … yes, I know it sounds funny but I like to wear yoga pants all the time. I try to make sure I’m dressed in a way he finds attractive when he gets home from work. :)

  7. I take time for just my husband each day when he comes home from work. Our kids (ages 12 & 14) know that this is “our” time. I listen to how his day was and just let him know how much I appreciate him. Some mornings before he leaves for work I will ask him out for a lunch date. Love those days!

  8. This is an area I need to work on. My husband is the love of my life and I really should work harder to let him know that.

  9. First a loving greeting from everyone and then as I am putting the finishing touches on dinner we all allow him some space, time to read his mail, sit and relax quietly. Then we gather for dinner and share our days. His commute from work is very short and this quiet time gives him time to unwind and relax.

  10. I like to encourage my husband to take time for himself. He loves to play hockey but can only play late Friday nights. So, I try my best to keep our four little kids quiet Saturday morning so that he can sleep in a little. When I do that, he feels loved because I do my best to give him some time for himself (not easy when you have four kids ages 8, 6, 4, & 2) and he’s more rested so that he can spend more energy with us as a family on Saturday after he gets up!

  11. Write love notes on the bathroom mirror in the steam from the shower. It will only show up when the mirror steams up! When my husband traveled a lot, I would hide little notes in his suitcase or have something special delivered to his hotel room.

  12. I try to have supper close to being done by the time he gets home & I make sure the kids are in bed early enough for us to have some time just to ourselves. I also try to limit my “computer time” when he is home….still have a ways to go on that one, but I’m working on it!

  13. I try to be intimate with my husband as much as possible, and it has been such as blessing to both of us. This is a gift that only I can give him–keeps us connected, and it’s free!

  14. I have the most perfect husband ever! When my friends and colleagues are man-bashing their husbands and they look at me to put my two cents in I always say “My husband is wonderful, he is the greatest husband in the world” I never say anything negative about him to other people. After listening to everyone man-bashing I run home and tell my husband how much I love him and how he is my perfect husband! I always want him to know how special he is to me.

  15. My husband has been deployed for over 11 months (home next month!!!).

    For one, I have been taking RCIA classes to become catholic, 2..5 weeks left!!! I have done a lot of reading by christian authors/bloggers while he’s been gone and today’s lesson ties in with what I’ve been reading.

    I am looking forward to him coming home to implement what I’ve read and become closer.


  16. I really try to keep his sock drawer full, so he doesn’t have to go to the sorting box. Have his shirt already ironed. He is always so appreciative of these 2 things.

  17. I always wave my husband off to work until I can’t see him anymore. He rides his bike to work and it can get awfully cold standing out there but I love watching him.

  18. I prepare his lunch for the next day. I pack small containers of condiments or extra snacks to make him feel extra special.

  19. I don’t understand it (and I’m definitely not complaining), but my husband has very simple things that make him feel loved/honored. I’m a stay at home mom and when he comes through the door at the end of the week and crashes in his recliner, I always bring him supper. He doesn’t even have to get up to make a plate. Love reading Sheila’s blog and can’t wait for a chance to read her book!

  20. My hubby has a sweet tooth. So I try to treat him to a nice dessert after dinner, and definitely keep his favorite ice cream flavors in the freezer.

  21. My husband has always worked long hours. When he comes home after a long day, I greet him with a BIG hug and lots of little kisses! I ask him about his day and if I sense it’s been particularly rough, I just listen and when he’s finished I just smile and tell him I love him and I know JESUS is working it all out for our good. I give him time to settle in and then I serve him his dinner. I always give him time to “unwind” by himself. I know he’s been with people all day and he’s had to talk and “be up” all day so I give him some space to “de-compress” from the events of the day. After allowing him his ” me-time,” he always finds me in the house and starts connecting with with me… He’s my best friend and I want to treat him with the respect he deserves as my husband.

  22. Enjoyed this study! Let’s just say that after 30+ years of marriage, it’s still hard to do the whole “initiating” thing. But, after a much “heated” discussion concerning other things, let’s just say that the topic came up…and that was the one thing he would enjoy more than anything….me to make the first move. I’m working on that. However, there are many other little things that can be done….the first being to always take time to hug & kiss him when he gets home from work, regardless if I’m home first or he is…and then to remember that sometimes I should just do something nice for him – like baking him something as simple as a chocolate cake! To him it always seems like I’m baking for something/someone else – church, work, etc… Actually last night, I decided I’d try a new recipe from Pinterest that was a chocolate cake! He was pleasantly surprised when I told him and my son that it was for them! It’s definitely the little things that can make a difference!

  23. As I was reading these posts, I really felt sad and alone. I have been separated from my husband for a year now. I NOW know alot of what I did and did not do caused the separation, along with his addiction. If I had been more attentive to him, maybe things would not have gten so crazy. But thanks be to GOD, we are spending time together, and I am trying to find as many ways as possible to show him that he is second only to God. No, he is not perfect, but neither am I. I am still praying God will draw us closer to Him, and then we can draw closer to each other. I have been texting him throughout the day to let him know I love him, and thanking him anytime he does something for me.

  24. My husband loves for me to put my hand on his forehead when he’s lying down. It’s very comforting to him. He also loves it when I go fishing with him. We enjoy that together!

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