Perfection Rejection {when you just need to stop trying so stinkin’ hard}
Tweet ThisIts Time to Break Up with Perfect
Ever feel the pressure to be the perfect _____________. {You fill in the blank}
The perfect mom. Wife. Worker. Homemaker. Bible study answer-giver in your Bible study group. Poster of perfect posts on Facebook. Pinner of perfect pins on Pinterest. The perfect friend. Daughter. Or daughter-in-law.
You get the picture-perfect picture.
My friend and Proverbs 31 ministry partner Amy Carroll has just released her first book Breaking Up With Perfect and its a total breath of fresh air to all of us girls living in “I must appear to be perfect” land. Here’s what I had to say about it when given the honor of endorsing it:
“Whether you play the ‘good girl’ trying to please God and impress others, or instead you fear that no matter what you do, you’ll never be good enough–for anyone, especially God–you’ll be encouraged by this book. Amy’s presence on the pages provides a warm and honest voice that will enable you to stop performing and start forging an authentic and intimate walk with Christ.”
Would you like to be encouraged by Amy’s “I’ve-been-there” resource for recovering perfectionists (and for those who fear we can’t do anything even close to perfect)? Leave a comment here telling us in what area of life you either:
A. Feel you need to stop pursuing the appearance of perfection
Or….
B. Feel you’ll never be good enough
Three winners will be chosen from among the commenters to win a signed copy of Breaking Up with Perfect.
Ok…let’s here from you.
In what area of life do you need to exercise a little perfection rejection?
I’ll go first….I TOTALLY feel pressure to appear perfect when snapping pics of my house to post online. In fact, I feel like I should move things in the background that are messy or cluttered so they aren’t in the shot. How silly.
Okay…your turn.
I always feel the need for my home to be perfectly organized before anyone comes over. Which is ridiculous because I have 5 kids!! I annoy my husband and children to no end about this. It’s a hard habit to break!
Thank you for the chance to win a copy of the book. I can relate to many of the areas. I need to be closer to God and worry less about perfection.
I have been struggling my entire life to be the perfect (daughter, sister, granddaughter, neice, student, girlfriend, wife, stepmother, and mother). I’ve been expected to be perfect in order to feel loved…to be good enough to deserve to be loved. In turn, I had the same expectations for myself. The heartbreaking part for me has been the realization that my children thought they had to be perfect too. I’m currently in the process of literally rebuilding myself and my entire life from rock bottom. My struggle for perfection and acceptance caused me to think that I was unable to be loved by anyone to the point that I stayed in an abusive marriage for 12 years. Jesus led me out of the hell I created for myself without him. He offered me the choice to return to Him. I am at a domestic violence shelter with my children and am becoming stronger, more independent by surrendering control to God, the only who deserves it. With His help, I am in the process of learning how to lead my children. There is a lot of damaging thought patterns that I taught them by my example for us to change. Perfectionism, a need for acceptance, and approval have been the most insidious of the changes needed especially since I have no idea how to change it. I pray nightly for insight to be able to fix this.
Thanks for speaking to me! God has been impressing on me that people hearing a message that He has to share through me is not based on how well I do my part!
I’m in my 50’s now and a “little” more relaxed. I guess you would say my perfectionism now comes is “spurts”, as I’ve learned over the years to deal with some of it! LOL But, ohhhhh when the kids were little…everything needed to be perfect, my house, my kids, my clothes, my work and even my thoughts! It was so draining! It totally reeks havic on your self-esteem and your energy. I want to give a copy to my daughter, so she will not follow in my footsteps of having to have everything perfect in life before you have fun and can relax. And also to help her to see that God totally does not want us to feel everything has to be perfect to be great in life. Can’t wait to read this book and get rid of my perfectionistic “spurts”! <3 :) <3 :) Congratulations Amy! I know this book will touch so many lives! And Karen…sooooo glad you shared this on your Facebook page and blog, it lead me straight to this book which is now on my "to read" list at the VERY TOP!
1his has been an issue for me. I’m quick to grant grace to others on just about anything, but not to myself! Presently, one of the areas of perfection that I am dealing with is my house. I don’t want to have many adults over to my house because of worn out flooring and a dated bathroom. I don’t mind my kids’ friends because I feel they are less judgmental. I know Karen has dealt with this in the past year or so on her blog. I’m better than I used to be about expecting perfection of myself, but still struggling with it.
I too feel the need to “look” perfect… kids, house, life! It makes me smile to know that you move things in the background of photos. I too pick the places where photos are taken to look perfect. UGH! Father, please help us all. :) Thanks for the giveaway and for using your God-given gifts to help others.
I don’t think there is any area of my life where I don’t feel the need to be perfect. I struggle with perfection in my marriage, parenting, home, cooking, appearance. Adding to the frustration of never feeling like I measure up is the diagnosis of MS. Now my limitations only deepen the struggles with perfection.
I feel like i will never be a good enough mother. Im a first time mom, my baby is 4 months old. Hearing everyones advice can get very overwhelming and I feel the need to be the “perfect” mom. I’ve always struggled with perfectionism. My first grade teacher even told my mom that I was a perfectionist. This has been a struggle of mine for years and I would love to break free from it!! :)
I struggle with trying to achieve perfection in being a people pleaser to win the approval of my family. I will literally leave work, change plans, walk out on my husband mid-conversation, or change plans with him to help my family if they need it. Most of the time it is something simple that they could do themselves, but are too lazy to do or don’t “have the time” to do. I was to be the “good sister”, the “good daughter.” I forget that it is coming at the cost of being a good wife, good employee, good friend, general good person.
I have terrible self image problems and feels as though I will never stack up to my sister so I have pretty much given up trying. I used to dress nice, wear makeup, do my hair every day. Now I casually style my hair, rarely wear makeup, and my wardrobe is something from my college days at best.
I know I need to find my personal focus and dedicate some time to get my mind in a place to realize I don’t have to be perfect, I just have to be comfortable being be, finding me. I need to strive to be a better wife (not perfect, just better), a better employee, a friend people will want to be around and a person that is someone people will want to meet, say hi to, help if stranded somewhere, whatever. :) I have started journaling and I was looking for a great positive book to read, I think this is right where I need to start my new journey! It would truly be a blessing to read this! If I am not chosen as a winner, I will be seeking this book out to read it for sure! :)
Thanks, Jaime! I’m so honored to share the lessons God is teaching me with sisters on the same journey.
Thank you Amy for providing a perspective as we embark upon a journey of change and self discovery! We need sisters like you to share your lessons that has God has taught your so we can embark upon a journey of our own and hopefully return the favor along the process. At least that is my personal goal!
I call myself a “per-crastinator”! So many projects not finished because they won’t be perfect!
Our friend Glynnis Whitwer has a book coming out in a couple of months about procrastination, and she’s including a chapter about perfectionism as a cause. I can’t wait to read her perspective too!
O that is so me! “Move over here kids so the mess doesn’t show up in the photo I’m about to take.” LOL.
I feel my family demands perfection from me but do not give credit for any good qualities or changes so I experience a lot of rejection. The Lord is carrying me through a dark time right now.
I feel the need to have perfect nails all the time probably sounds silly but it’s an OCD thing . I also feel pressured to be perfectly organized all the time . I am very organized by nature it’s one of my strengths , but I get very defensive if I slip up and someone points it out.
Truly, I need help in all areas, but most important right now, in my parenting. Im so hard in my crazy little three year old and she’s just a kid. I need to stop worrying about what people think of me as a mom and let her be a kid.
I can relate to exactly what Mandy Tucker commented. Thinking I am never good enough and falling short, always letting people down in many ways and many times in an attempt to serve them. Thank you for the opportunity to win this new book.
Having to pretend my husband and I have the perfect relationship in front of my in-laws
I am trying to break worrying about what others think of me and not strive to be perfect in their eyes. I’ve been repenting every time I put people before God. I don’t want people’s opinions of me to rule me. Thank you for such a book to encourage others in this way. I love your blog and giveaway today! Blessings!
Great insight, Maria. Turning to God is truly the answer to ending our own pursuit of perfection!
Awesom! Finally women have permission to have our flaws! :)
Having it together in the kitchen and the schoolroom
I always feel like the house has to be perfect before someone comes to visit….I feel like it somehow reflects badly on me if everything isn’t in its place
I’ve been the same way, Anne. I’m trying to adopt the same attitude as my friend who says, “If you want to come see me, come any time. If you want to come see my house, call ahead.” :)
I struggle in all areas. I want to be the perfect Christ-follower, wife, mother, friend…..
Help! Lol
I cannot wait to read the book!! :)
I feel like I can never be good enough….for God, family, friends, boss, guests in my home, and the list goes on from there. I constantly feel that I let people down in so many ways, ironically by trying to serve them.
Mandy, I’m such a list-maker, and I can get lost in my lists!! God is teaching me to focus on people and make the end result love instead of a check on my list. I’m in process, and I’m glad I have a group of sisters who are breaking up with perfect with me!
Most people see me as super organized and I am most of the time but there are “those” places where not so much.
What a great giveaway! This will be so encouraging!
A long-time struggler with perfectionism! Had an eye-opening or should I say “heart-opening” moment several years back that my perfectionism is what makes me procrastinate (another major issue of mine) – if I can’t do it right, then don’t do it! I think my biggest problem is projecting those perfectionistic tendencies on my husband and kids – wanting them to do everything perfect or “my way” – which of course is perfect! ;) I do have to say, the older I get, the less I care about what people think, but it still is forefront in my mind!
Thank you for your honesty! I do the same things and it’s so relieving to know I’m not alone. The number of “someday” projects I want to do when I can get them “just right” (aka perfect) is staggering. Hoping this book can help us both let go a little!
I totally echo Mitzi and Mandy! Although I am getting better at letting some things go…I haven’t done spring or fall house cleaning in 6 years! Woohoo…victory for me! However, I still procrastinate so badly because I don’t want to settle for a good-enough job. Funny thing is, I’m preferring to settle for NO job at all. How dumb is that?!?! I’m sure it’s left over from many years of working for approval. I realize that by not starting, then I don’t have to finish it ‘less than perfect’. It’s really just an attempt to avoid facing the fact that….you know what? I’m NOT perfect, and that’s okay!! I’m hoping this book will provide me some focus and direction. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE a copy!
Yall hit the nail on the head when we leave all these jobs undone just for the sake of doing them perfectly or just getting them finished even! Oh, we need help! :)