Perfection Rejection {when you just need to stop trying so stinkin’ hard}

Ever feel the pressure to appear to be all that and a bags of chips? Yeah. Its time we all broke up with perfect. Giveaway of Amy Carroll's new book at karenehman.com

Its Time to Break Up with Perfect

Ever feel the pressure to be the perfect _____________. {You fill in the blank}

The perfect mom. Wife. Worker. Homemaker. Bible study answer-giver in your Bible study group. Poster of perfect posts on Facebook. Pinner of perfect pins on Pinterest.  The perfect friend. Daughter. Or daughter-in-law.

You get the picture-perfect picture.

My friend and Proverbs 31 ministry partner Amy Carroll has just released her first book Breaking Up With Perfect and its a total breath of fresh air to all of us girls living in “I must appear to be perfect” land. Here’s what I had to say about it when given the honor of endorsing it:

“Whether you play the ‘good girl’ trying to please God and impress others, or instead you fear that no matter what you do, you’ll never be good enough–for anyone, especially God–you’ll be encouraged by this book. Amy’s presence on the pages provides a warm and honest voice that will enable you to stop performing and start forging an authentic and intimate walk with Christ.”

Would you like to be encouraged by Amy’s “I’ve-been-there” resource for recovering perfectionists (and for those who fear we can’t do anything even close to perfect)? Leave a comment here telling us in what area of life you either:

A. Feel you need to stop pursuing the appearance of perfection


B. Feel you’ll never be good enough

Three winners will be chosen from among the commenters to win a signed copy of Breaking Up with Perfect.

Ok…let’s here from you.

In what area of life do you need to exercise a little perfection rejection?

I’ll go first….I TOTALLY feel pressure to appear perfect when snapping pics of my house to post online. In fact, I feel like I should move things in the background that are messy or cluttered so they aren’t in the shot. How silly.

Okay…your turn.

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  1. Lolol, I totally do the same, regarding moving things out of the shot..but there are times I don’t..I just crop it out.

    I struggle with people “thinking” I’m perfect when I know I have skeletons in my own closet. I don’t try to prove that I’m not..nor do I try to prove I’m miss “perfect patty”. I simply humble myself and know I’m not perfect whether people think I am.

    It’s actually annoying when people make smart remarks as that. I guess it’s because I’m not as transparent as they want me to be, being that I’m a private person.

  2. I struggle with the need to be the perfect mom. I know there are no perfect parents but I’m always trying to make it seem we “have it all together” and that our teenage daughters are perfect and don’t make mistakes. It’s a battle! And I pray they don’t pick up the bad habit of being a perfectionist from their crazy mama!

  3. I struggle with the same issues as many have mentioned. Children especially teens help meals me aware of myself and perfectionism.

  4. I’m such a people pleaser, I really want to read this book about being a perfectionist. It seems it’s the people pleaser in us that seeks the perfectionism.

  5. I think for me it’s a matter of doing too many thighs and trying to do them all really well. I’m a wife, mom to 3 children under age 5, FT employee and I have a desire to also get my Ph.D. WHAT!?!? Yeah…it’s safe to same I’m really great at burning my candle at big ends..

  6. I have always been a perfectionist I always felt like I was never good enough never a good Mom. Wife, Friend and I know a lot of this came from my Dad I never seemed to be able to please him. Now I have to have the perfect clean house which is a bigger issue I am a lung cancer survivor and now have COPD and have low energy levels……….but I know I am so blessed knowing God gave me a miracle. I am always beating my self up because I struggle and don’t want to be a burden! I praise the lord everyday when I wake up and I know he doesn’t want me to feel this way…..enjoyed your blog

  7. This is to funny because I just had this conversation yesterday with my husband. How I need to stop trying to be perfect. The struggle is so real. I want to be that perfect wife with dinner on the table, a spotless house where you could eat off the floor. Attentive to every need of my husband to be submissive to him(working hard on that on). To be thinner and look amazing for my husband every second of the day. For my kids to be the perfect mother for them to be Excellent scolars in academics to be the best readers etc. I want to be involved in every activity, every event, and then be a full time student. I try to stretch myself thin and then when things fall apart I want to be Ms. Fix it and when I can’t then the blame game comes. So i need a lot of help to realize we are imperfect people, living in an imperfect world trying to serve a perfect God.

  8. The perfect figure, is my struggle with perfection. And I never did have it but at 42 still wrestle with that measuring stick as well as the need to maintain 2 houses (my Mom died 6 months ago), yards and a garden without “bothering” any other SIL’s. I’m at times forced to live with less than.

  9. I feel I can never be a good enough housekeeper, and that feeling leaves me paralyzed to start. Anywhere. Sad.

  10. I think the better question is what areas do I not put the standard of perfection on myself? But the main one is my role as a mom – I expect perfection from me and my kids which is the exact opposite of the grace God has given me.

  11. I believe I need to stop trying to be perfect as a wife, mom, sister, daughter, home school mom, well–you get the picture! This book is a definite must read! :)

  12. Trying so hard to give up on perfection so that I can enjoy life and the people in it. I never use to have people in my house because I always stressed about how it looks but now I am getting over that and realizing if people don’t like me for who I am than to bad for them. Would love to read this book.

  13. I am trying to be more real, however, I do feel the need to be upbeat about my illnesses…afraid of being rejected.

  14. I always feel like we can’t invite or have guests over unless our house is picture perfect. I feel as though if someone sees my house cluttered that somehow makes me less of a good Godly wife.

    I am looking forward to reading this new book! :)

  15. I’m 16 years old and I’m struggling with perfection. I struggle a lot with not feeling like I’m enough.

  16. Perfection rejection is needed in my heart and mind. There are times when I try to leave something a little less than perfect (oh my! dishes in the sink! bed quilt with a wrinkle!) so that I won’t be criticized for demanding perfection. And yet…there’s often a restlessness within me that all’s not right with my world.

  17. Mine is my house, I feel like it should be better look better, more cleanly (if that is a word) I also want others to see perfectest.

  18. I was raised according to the mantra, “If you’re going to do it, do it right.” Unfortunately, that turned into a need for perfection in every area of my life. It shows up the most in my outward appearance and the need to camouflage my weight gain. I have even missed social events for not feeling worthy, buy God and I are working on these issues :)

  19. I gave up on even attempting to be anything close to perfect years ago…mostly because it was drummed into my head that I would never be even close to good enough. Yes still I try for the approval and positive response from my mother, and I’m 48 now…realistically I know that at 83, she’s not likely to change too much and it’s just how she is. I have suffered chronic health issues for the past 15 years. For most of that time I had the “not good enough” message hammered home…I wasn’t sick, was just lazy apparently. Having spent 3 months in hospital at the start of this year, and then two lots of one week there within the last month, I think it’s finally sinking in that I do actually have health issues lol Half my problem is my own fault, in that I still crave that approval that I’m doing ok and doing the right thing by Mum’s standards. She and Dad will come up to my place once a week now and help with vacuuming and hanging laundry out because I can’t do it myself. It always ends up a nag fest, but she now tries to take some of the sting out of it by saying at the end: “And yes, I know you haven’t been well enough to keep on top of things lately.” lol I definitely need to break up with perfect, I need to learn to become more gracious at accepting help and not stressing that I have to get it to Mum’s standards before anyone can come in and help me, and I need to learn how to do it in a way that doesn’t come across as me throwing a fit or losing my temper. Hmm to be honest, I’m thinking it’s maybe more pride being the problem than me just being stubbornly independent as much as I can :) Either way, I’m hopeful this new book will provide me with some great insights and clues how to get over 40 odd years of this.

  20. The perfect Teacher. Not only do principals, superintendents, politicians, publis, parents, and students expect a lot from me, I expect a lot too! I have finally decided to only give so much of myself to teaching, because there has to be something left of me to be a Mommy and Wife. I had taken everything from my family to be the perfect teacher and was still coming up short of people’s expectations.

  21. I frustrate myself by trying so hard to appear perfectly strong and totally adjusted to the new life my son and I are living. I want to rest in Jesus and take steps toward real peace instead of pretending everything is fine and easy.

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